Thursday, November 8, 2012
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Moving On To Pursue Happiness
Dear Diary,
Work has been fine for me. There
are a lot to say but I guess I will just leave some stories behind. I have been
trying to write to you but I am too tired after work. Staying awake on the
train on my way home becomes such a tall order nowadays. Sleepiness has become
my best friend and no matter how hard I try to stay awake, I always end up
dozing off to bed.
This job is the most physical one
I have ever had. What makes it worst is, I have a team of superiors who simply
cannot put their mind and heart at ease whenever they see us idling or resting.
We cannot sit discreetly for a short while neither can we stand in a group to
chat when we are free. It is even worse than a school. We can only smoke during
break and really, I am so not used to it. It is not easy working here you know.
I am hanging on until I get what I want. When the time comes for me to leave, I
will.
Work is as usual, tiring and demanding.
There is a new girl I am training currently. She is from Malaysia and it is her
first time working in Singapore. Perak is her hometown and I remember what I
did when I went there with Pumpkin. I had a great time with Pumpkin you know.
We talked a lot about life and stuffs while we were there. Sometimes I miss her
company Diary. Pumpkin is married now with a child. She calls me the godmother
of her son and yes, that makes me feel honoured. I supposed my relationship
with her is at a level where we have such mutual respect for each other.
Pumpkin knows me and she reads me
well. Even after I snapped at her for no reason, she would still be there for
me. She remembers me for every event she has had in her life. I still remember
when she broke the news that she is getting married. I was already back in
Singapore then. All I could think of at that time was would I still have my
guardian angel in Subang Jaya if I come back for good. I am not sure Diary. Many
things have changed with the people I know. People change and so do things.
Everybody and everything move on. Even the world changes overnight everyday
with day replacing night and night replacing day.
Gummy Bear has gone through
another sour breakup. Her ex girlfriend cheated on her but she lied to Gummy
Bear saying her parents forced her to get married. I knew it was a lie. Which
parents would force a daughter to get married nowadays? We are living in a
twentieth century. The minute she told me the story, I knew it was merely
something said to avoid from telling the truth. I am not sure if I understood
the whole situation but I suppose people tell lies for reasons not to hurt
another however, it is more hurtful when the truth comes out. It is like that
you know. I had been in both shoes so I know. I had cheated on relationships
and I was cheated before. You know I was young, wild and playful. Going steady
and breaking off with girls was easy for me. Well, that was of course my past.
I supposed out of the many women I had been with, I was in love with only one.
I have heard somewhere that we
can love many people but we cannot be in love with so many people at a time. We
have to have some kind of a principle that we stand by when it comes to love. I
swear I did not know the difference between loving and being in love then until
I met her. I love her and I knew I was in love with her because I would do
anything for her. I still talk about her and even dream of her. It was not easy
mending a broken heart you know Diary. I suppose I kept on being in love with
her until the day she told me she has found a new love.
As I said, people move on and
sometimes the one person that you really love can only exists in your heart and
not in your life. If that makes her happy, so be it even if it makes you unhappy. What matters most in love is her happiness and not yours. Love is too complex to understand so I have stopped trying to
understand love. My hardest-learned lesson of love: that people have only
their kind of love to give, not our kind. I never hope for love anymore,
all I am hoping for is happiness because I know happiness is eternity.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
I Will Endure
Dear Diary,
It feels like a long time. I have thought about you but I
kept on procrastinating. I am not lazy; I am merely tired from work. You know
how my job is like don’t you? It is a very physically demanding job. I wake up
at six in the morning and come home late in the evening. I stand for at least
10 hours at work. My feet hurt and my knees get weak as the day passes. I have
forgotten what I have told you about my work and what I have not told you. Working
here makes me feel so detach to you. I do not have the time to do anything else
except to work. I get tired most of the times that I can only afford to take my
shower and go to sleep after work.
How are you Diary? I am coming closer to my first full month’s
salary for the new job. Things look pretty fine if I just stay focus to save
for the stall. I must stay focus. I cannot afford to lose it this time. I have
come so far and have waited for so long. Things at work are not all rainbows
and butterflies but I do not give a damn about it. People here are rowdy with
very poor capability to maintain good rapport among themselves. They are not
diplomatic when it comes to solving issues neither are they sensitive to
disputes. Quarells and dissatisfactions happen almost everyday. I hear
complains and a lot of bad mouth. It is like a routine.
There are no stresses but there are sure lots of tensions
among colleagues. I cannot stand it. It is different when you are so used to
working in a white-collar environment. I have to do many adjustments. I must
try to blend in and get along with the ways thing are here. It is about how
they talk, joke and work. I must admit it is totally a different atmostphere. I
did not feel the difference when I was here as a part timer. I feel it now as a
full fledge employee. I suppose working here full time makes me see the inside
of the warehouse up close and personal. I guess it is the same everywhere. If there
are no stresses then there must be tensions somewhere and vice versa. We cannot
have our cake and eat it.
I got into some trouble a few times since I joined full time.
It was not my fault neither was it my mistakes. There were tensions and
frictions between my leader and I. I felt terrible and angry. It left me quiet
for a few days at work. I did not talk to my colleagues unless it is necessary.
One thing I knew I wanted to do after that was to disrespect my leader. I knew
how she handles things and how professional she is. I talked less nowadays at
work and just do what I have been instructed to do. My focus is to save money
for the stall. I know I could haave done better elsewhere but I chose to stay
here and I will complete my agenda. When the time comes, I will leave with my
head held high that I am becoming my own boss once again. Things got better
after that as I gave her my silence treatment. I did not react negatively
however I just do my own thing ignoring how obvious she showed her temper
infront of my eyes. Trolleys got smashed hard against the fence and I simply did
not take into account of it.
She is low and I am not bringing myself to her level. Period.
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