Dear Diary,
I am tired and sleepy. I know I have not been writing to you. I hope I have not lost the skill to write because I still want to write my life stories to you. Writing has been my only medium of pouring out what my heart truly feels and what my brain truly thinks. There is no lying in my writings because I know everytime when I write, I write from my heart.
I have told you before that Hello Kitty lost her dad in my previous entry to you. It was four days before Shawal and I received the news in my office while I was working. The news came as a shock to me and I felt deeply sorry for her loss and how I regret I couldn’t be there for her. She was crying uncontrollably on the phone and all I could afford to do was to listen and did not say a word. I was in a state of shock and words suddenly became so limited to me.
Hello Kitty did tell me that her dad was waiting for the time to leave and that was what the doctors told her family too. I did not get the chance to meet her father during his last few days. Although I came to the hospital but I never had the chance to look at his condition, as I had to wait outside his ward. The security guards were always on the ball never once let any unauthorized visitors slip through under their nose which was something that I think the hospital can be proud of.
His death was rather unexpected. He left behind a wife and three daughters, Hello Kitty being the eldest. It was a sad affair. I did not attend his funeral to pay my last respect. I did not have the chance as I was working and work was really demanding I could not take the day off. I guess I know what they feel when the news came to them. It brought me to the days when my brother died. Life and death, it is so easy to welcome life but so difficult to accept death, especially of the ones we love. Love and death, death will certainly leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.
I came a day later after the funeral. Things looked normal, everybody looked calm but I know deep down inside the hearts of each and everyone of them lies a deep ocean of sadness, sorrow and lost that will never heal through time. I know because I have been there. I never asked a thing about the death. As much as I want to make them feel better, I cannot deny that I feel helpless at the same time. I know no matter what I say or do, nothing will bring their father back.
I looked at the face of her mother. I could not sense any sadness from her face. This one tough lady that I barely knew for almost a year. I knew what she has to go through soon, the agony of facing the loss of a husband. I can hardly breathe thinking about it. It will be sad for her and I really hope that her heart would be as strong as how her expression was when I laid my eyes on her the first time after the death of her husband.
Nothing was spoken about his death when I came to visit. I knew I shouldn’t be asking, at least not yet because sorrow you can hold, however desolating, if nobody speaks to you. If they speak, you break down. I have not met Hello Kitty eversince, she is back to her hometown now accompanying her mother. I guess she does the right thing and everything happens for a reason or two. I am assuming that they are grieving now. I supposed it is good for them as grief is itself a medicine. I hope they will bear in mind that there are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go. May the faithful departed rest in peace and may his soul be blessed by Allah saw. Amin…
