Dear Diary,
I bought a new television a month
ago and my room has not been quiet ever since. I now have more entertainment
and things to do in my room. The last time when my old television was broken, I
only had my laptop and iPad as a friend. It sure feels good to have a
television back in the room. It adds more spice and flavour. But then again, I have
been going to bed late and I often dozed off while the television is on. I guess
it is true what the experts say about bedrooms; avoid having a television in
bedrooms as it can cause one to turn in late and this will eventually makes one
lacking in sleep. I would like to heed that advice however I never want to take
my bedroom as literally a bedroom. My bedroom is also my sanctuary at home; a
place where I escape from family dramas if there is ever any.
I could put off the idea of
buying the new television but I have to admit that I am a little financially
sound than before and so I thought I would indulge. I have set aside some money
to save for the business and soon I know I will have enough to start it. I had
come up with a brilliant idea on how to boost my savings. I am not sure how it
will work but it will definitely speed up the waiting period. I have been
looking out for any stalls up for rent in the newspaper religiously. I am
excited as I know my dreams will come true eventually however, I am a little
nervous about it all. I am afraid of failing again. I cannot help but to feel
that way.
I suppose I have failed many times
to the extent I think failures have become my flesh and blood. As much as I am
happy and all pumped up to start the business, I am still remembering my past
failures. I have asked myself will it work this time or will it just be the
same like the old times. I do not know but deep down inside my heart, I hope
and wish that it would be a success because if I fail again this time, I am not
sure if I am able to move on from there. I read somewhere that failure is an event,
never a person and there is no failure except in no longer trying but I know
those are all motivational talk to brainwash you. I am ready for it but I am
afraid of the reality. Am I contradicting myself now? I hope not but I promise
you, I will make it work.
Mother and I have talked a bit in
Tangkak during Eidiladha but it just stopped there. I did not know what
happened but I thought all was good when we were there. We did not really have
long conversations but we did talk. There were many relatives there, the house
was crowded with people, and we are the host of the event and the property
owner. Perhaps communicating with each other was necessary there. My aunties
cooked therefore, the food and drinks need to be served. In this kind of family
thing, the host plays the most important role.
There were hiccups here and there
but everything was great. I got a little irritated and dissapointed with some
of the relatives. I guess in events like this we get to see people’s real
colour and character. Who is the laziest, penny-pinching, generous, annoying or
the hardworking person? It somewhat makes me agree that our most basic instinct
is not for survival but for family. Most of us would give our own life
for the survival of a family member, yet we lead our daily life too often as if
we take our family for granted. Some of them contributed in kind, some
contributed monetarily while some simply could not be bothered.
Since the completion of the house
in Tangkak, we have been hosting this ‘kurban’ event yearly. It has become a
family tradition that almost everybody look forward to attend. I suppose people
look forward for the togetherness this event can bring instead of the ‘kurban’
alone. It has become compulsory to buy fireworks and firecrackers when we are
there. We spend thousands of Ringgit for them. We buy them discreetly of
course. It is amazing how we managed to get these banned items there.
It is fun, colourful and joyful
to see how everybody is so happy there. The fireworks we had are a little
similar to Singapore’s national day celebration only that they are smaller and
shorter in the sky. It was enough to bring smiles and laughter to everyone’s
faces and enough to make my mother and I talk. Well, even though it stopped in
Tangkak, I still feel blessed about it. I know I have done nothing to make her
proud but I hope when the business starts, it will uplift her opinions of me. What
she thinks of me matters as an ounce of blood is worth more than a pound of
friendship.
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