Exciting Thursday

Dear Diary,

It is Thursday. I have an interview appointment today at 5pm. I am excited and nervous. Wish me luck ok. I have started to learn how to handle Forex psychology. I do not sit infront of my laptop and watch the chart 24/7 a day anymore. I am finally beginning to understand the messages of my mentor. All these while, I have been confused but I understood him eventually. There are a lot to say but I will save it for tonight. 

I am in a rush. I will talk to you again. Take care Diary.

Aku Pergi Dulu

Hello Diary,

Hari ini mungkin adalah hari sedih untuk aku. Tidah tahu mengapa tetapi aku sedih. Aku tidak tahu apa yang patut aku lakukan. Mungkin dibiarkan sahaja lebih baik daripada mencuba apa apa sahaja untuk memulihkan keadaan. Pernah aku berkata, biar tak berkasih, biar tak berkawan, asalkan jangan hancur hati. Ketahuilah teman, aku ini seorang manusia yang paling susah untuk difahami. Untuk memahami aku kau perlukan sebuah 'skill' yang tinggi. Panas baranku setanding singa liar di dalam hutan. Jikalau aku marah, aku terus sahaja menyerang dan menyerbu tanpa usul periksa dahulu. 

Aku memang bukan seorang teman yang senang. Kalau aku berpacaran, paling lama ia boleh bertahan selama 2 tahun dan lepas itu ada sahaja yang akan menjadikan hubungan itu putus. Umur sudah meningkat begini tetapi aku masih disini mencari sedikit restu dari orang sekeliling. Aku tidak pernah puas dengan apa yang aku ada. Itulah apa yang pernah kau ungkapkan. Ya, mungkin betul. Aku banyak mengeluh. Itu juga yang apa engkau ungkapkan. Ya, aku setuju. Hari ini, aku membuat keputusan yang agak besar. Aku lebih baik bersendiri. Ini supaya tidak ada lagi rasa rasa tidak sedap diantara kita. Aku sendiri menghadapi kesukaran memahami diriku apatah lagi wahai engkau, teman. 

Dengan ibu bapaku, aku pun begini. Apabila marah, susah sekali aku mengawal keadaan diri aku. Pinggan akan dihempas, mulut begitu lantang aku bersuara. Keluar segala kata kata yang tidak sedap didengar. Aku masih mencuba. Aku tidak pernah berhenti mencuba tetapi aku harus mengaku ianya sukar untuk aku berubah. Hatiku begitu sensitif tetapi amarahku terlalu besar untuk aku dan ego ku juga sama besar seperti Singapura. 

Aku tidak bangga dengan diri ini. Jadi, aku tidak hairan jikalau engkau sudah hilang rasa hormat kepada aku. Semua silap bermula dari aku. Aku yang harus engkau salahkan. Mungkin hati ini hanya ingin berteman, tetapi naluri seorang lesbian di dalam diri ini begitu kuat untuk aku lawan pada masa itu. Hari ini aku kehilangan seorang kawan dan hari ini juga aku kehilangan seorang kekasih. Dua orang yang baik dalam hidup aku. Aku tidak mencuba untuk mempertahankan. Mungkin aku penat. Mungkin engkau akan lebih memahami kenapa. 

Dengan keadaan diri, aku pun sudah hilang semangat. Apa yang aku inginkan belum lagi tercapai. Masih jauh perjalanan aku wahai teman. Aku sangkakan sudah akan dicapai, tetapi masih belum lagi. Susah sekali...semangatku sedikit goyang sekarang. Harapanku sudah tipis. Aku masih memulihkan diri dari berasa kecewa. Mungkin itu juga sebabnya aku berkasar dengan engkau teman. Dengan engkau sahaja aku boleh lepaskan sebab aku rapat dengan engkau. Tidak ada rasa segan silu lagi dengan engkau. Terlalu selesa bersama engkau hingga tiada batasnya untuk aku menjadi diri aku yang sebenar. Maafkan aku teman. Aku terlupa engkau juga ada perasaan yang harus aku jaga. Selama ini hanya perasaan aku yang diutamakan. Cuai sekali aku. Mungkin tiada lagi kasih sayang atau pun cinta. Tetapi engkau lah teman yang aku selesa bersama. 

Engkau pandai melayan kerenah aku. Terasa kehilangan di waktu waktu genting ini apabila ianya sudah dirasmikan. Masa masa yang aku ada...aku akan hanya membuat apa yang patut aku buat. Masih cuba membaiki skill aku dalam Forex. Masih cuba mencapai cita cita aku. Satu hari teman.....aku tahu aku akan capai juga apa aku inginkan. Memang aku penat, tapi aku tidak pernah berputus asa. Kadang kala aku berehat sebentar tapi aku tidak pernah berhenti. Sama macam apabila aku mendaki gunung. Matlamat aku untuk sampai di atas. Susah sekali teman...tatpi aku selalu berjaya. 

Ya, sekarang kau sudah tiada lagi. Tapi aku masih ada cita cita. Ini lebih baik teman...aku pun sangat rasa bersalah kerana asyik mengasari engkau, berbahasa kesat kepada engkau. Semua amarah aku dilepaskan begitu senang kepada engkau. Maafkan aku teman....aku mahu berhenti berasa bersalah. Engkau tidak patut dilayan begitu. Semuanya salah aku ya teman. Jangan sesekali engkau fikirkan engkau tidah cukup bagus atau tidak sempurna untuk aku. Aku sahaja yang tidak pernah puas atau bersyukur dengan apa yang diberi kepadaku.  

Aku susah melupakan kisah lama. Aku susah menutup buku lama. Aku masih meridukan waktu waktu dulu. Aku sebenarnya hidup di zaman silam. Engkau tahu itu semua, tetapi engkau diam dan biarkan sahaja. Kesabaranmu sungguh aku kagumi teman. Aku tidak ada kesabaran seperti engkau. Aku bukan seorang yang penyabar. Patut aku pelajari sikap sabarmu itu. Mungkin sudah lambat ya wahai teman. Ya...mungkin sudah lambat....aku banyak membuat kesilapan terhadapmu. Bukan dengan engkau sahaja, dengan teman teman aku yang lain juga...aku harus pergi sekarang. Ingat ya teman...ini bukan salah engkau. Aku telah menipu keadaan. Aku pergi sekarang.   

   

Trying To Keep It Simple

Dear Diary,

I have closed all my open positions yesterday. I had 21 opened positions in all and it was making my account looked messy. All of them were losses. *winks* They came up to about $1,500 loss. Now you get what I mean when it comes to Forex? Win or lose, you decide. Many experienced traders said, keep your losses smaller than your profit and keep your profits bigger than your losses. I have not done that. I tried but the market was always not in my favour. Oh no....it is not that actually, I did not make the right decision when I opened my positions. Oh well...fuck it!

We cannot get emotional when we trade they say...oh well, fuck it! Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it! There you go. How was that Diary? La la la la la...... look how emotional I get when this is simply my demo account. A lot of other factors are contributing to my emotional outburst today. There are a lot of things. People around me became my targets. I snap and I snap at them mercilessly. I try so hard to be good at the things I do. It is not Forex. It is something else. I don't know what I have done. Ironically, I don't know if that is really what I want. 

I am sorry for being a bitch girlfriend to you Hello Kitty. Love is too much for me to handle. 

You Cannot Beat The Market

Dear Diary,

I have been practicing Forex for 2 weeks now and I have made more profits than losses. But....if I were to close my current open positions now, I would be making more losses than profits. Get it? It means, I have opened positions that I thought would be in my favour. Perhaps I was wrong or there is not supposed to be any perhaps at all. I was simply wrong because I still do not know how to read the charts. Not yet, perhaps?

How are you my dear Diary? You have been the person I speak to mostly. All the times, I always have you to speak to about my predicaments. You have not grown tired of me, have you? I bet you have not. I am good here, Alhamdulillah. I am officially out of job and I am still waiting for the result of my jobs applications and interviews. Right now, I am not sure if I want to take a full time job or not. My mind is on Forex and I want to master it. On the contrary, I have to pay my bills and put food on the table. We will see what I will do next ok. Sit tight and enjoy the roller coaster ride with me Diary. 

I have been reading too much perhaps, because right now I am simply confuse with my trading strategies. All these while, I practice trading Forex like a day trader. It means I came into the market today and I came out of the market today; same day trading. Same day trading has to be done with you sitting infront of your laptop or pc and watch the charts go up and down and you have to make a quick decision whether to enter the market or not. That was what I did. Whenever I entered into a position, I usually close that position after I make $1 profit the least. Most of the times it is like that. I did it often. At a time, I could be trading 5 to 10 contracts. If I make a profit of $1 per contract, that would be $10 for 10 contracts. For that kind of profit, I do not have to stay long in the market. I stay for 5-15 mins and exit once I made that profit. They are not very significant, but I still make profit and most importantly, I do not make a loss. 

For the past 2 weeks, this is the trading strategy I have followed. Although I have left some positions open until today, this is the strategy that I have gotten comfortable with. However, this kind of strategy usually makes a trader refuses to leave his laptop/pc. It can become addictive and unhealthy. You are so engrossed in your trade that you do not have time to do anything else. 

I came across a website of this long time Australian Forex trader. He writes a lot about Forex trading in his blog and I assumed he is a professional trader. Now, his advises are to trade Forex like a sniper instead of a machine gunner. It means, open a position and let it be in the market for awhile so you can let the profit grow. He advises to use the longer time frame charts instead of the shorter time frame charts because longer time frame charts are more accurate. There are more to say about his methods but I have noticed that most of the experienced traders especially the ones in the Europe prefer to trade with the longer time frame charts. that means, they stay in the market for quite sometime before they pull out of the market. 

I am practicing the latter strategy now and I am a little bit discourage. You see, I am an impatient bitch when it comes to get things done. I like to see my profit margin rises quickly instead of having to wait for days or weeks to see it rise. I prefer actions and adrenaline pumping activities instead of knitting or gardening. It does not suit my personality. But...they said it is safer and that is the correct technique of trading if you want to be professional. I am confuse, really I am. And that is why I have 21 open positions now. Hahaha.....

But, I am not feeling anything about it because this is simply a demo account. I am trying to get it right Diary. Most importantly, I am looking at what are the best trading strategies that suit me. It takes practice, experience, experiment, discipline and patience. It is just two weeks. I still have a long way to go. The video that I have posted below, says a lot about Forex trading. You just cannot beat the market. If you think you cannot make a decision or a forecast of the market, then don't trade for that day. Wait for another day because the market opens 24 hrs a day five days a week. Do not simply trade simply because you want to trade. It is all up to you. Nobody can make you a good trader except yourself. From now on, I simply want to keep it simple. I will choose a strategy that suits my personality. 

Forex Trading Psychology

ok....i get it...