don't let history repeat itself

Dear diary,

It has been a long time since mom and I have cold war with each other. I hate that feeling of uneasiness between the two of us whenever we have silent disagreements and stop talking with each other for awhile. It makes me feel very awful and lousy. Sometimes I wish that it never happened and that we are both on good terms always but I guess things like that do happen or perhaps have to happen among kins and friends. Mom and I are doing it again, this time it seems serious.

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I was hurt by her actions and remarks and I got turned off. It happened at the wrong time with a very petty reason. I shall not elaborate but I am really hurt. She was supposed to send me to the bus terminal to see me off to KL but I pulled the door behind me and left in a hurry. I told her not to send me. I was shaking and felt so hurt but I guess she was feeling more hurtful by what I did. I am not sure. I am her daughter afterall, her flesh and blood. Everytime this happen, I always get sentimental and I get all sad and broken inside. This silence is killing me softly.

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Perhaps mom is feeling the same way too. I don’t know diary. I do feel it sometimes that I am getting unfair treatment from my parents but deep down inside I know they love each one of us equally. It is hard to say and difficult to conclude. I have a happy family but I am sensitive and I tend to get affected easily by any slightest remarks thrown at me especially if it comes from my family.

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I cannot handle it and I may snap or sometimes I’ll get all weak inside.I came home today and since I stepped inside the house, mom did not speak to me till the time I went to bed. I too did not speak to her. I don’t know what to say to her and how to begin. The damaged has been done and I do not know how to remedy it. I was hungry and I noticed that mom did not cooked anything for dinner. Maybe she did but she did not offer me anything and so I fried myself some eggs to go with the plain rice. I felt as if I was in KL cooking myself dinner alone. It is no difference and how I wish that I never did what I did to her.

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I never started it diary…she did and I have to pay the price. I guess I will just let things be. Let nature takes its course. I am sad over what happened but I really have no choice. It was very hurtful and I felt that she was making mountain out of molehill. I hope this will be over soon because it is really bothering me.