Dear Diary,
since the first day of new year till today, i have been doing nothing but cook, clean, tidy and study at home. i have not been doing anything very productive lately because i do not know what is really going to be the plan for the future. the road i am travelling on is getting a little slippery and there are many a times i have gotten sidetracked but as usual i always managed to get back on to the tracks. it is never easy living alone without your family. i have been living with my family under one roof for too long till i find it hard to manage without them.
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living in singapore, nobody can denies that you just have to stay together with your family. it's a republic and it's not as big as johor, singaporeans do not need to stay far and away from their parents and siblings regardless where they work or go to school. we could get to other end of singapore from the other end in an hour or slightly later or earlier (it all depends on traffic). i still miss my family and i try to go back home at least twice a month but i have not been doing that lately. i know the reason why but i chose not to say it here. it's sad but i guess that is what life is all about. you cannot have your cake and eat it. you win some and you lose some, you like it or not.
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i have been praying regularly and i feel good nowadays. i feel peaceful and a sense of serenity envelops me silently. i read a little prayer to my family and my late brother everytime i pray and i think that's what making me feel safe and confident. i have always worry about the wellbeing and safety of my family and the feelings get worse when i neglected my very basic responsibility as a Muslim. since i started to go back to praying, i don't feel that way anymore. perhaps, knowing that i have someone to listen to my prayers daily, give me the assurance that my family is in good hands no matter where they are. i feel a little touch everytime i think of them. i miss them so much and i wish i could bring them many joyous and happy moments as long as i am alive. this is my little prayer for them.
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my exam is just around the corner and i have never really been studying like how i should. again, i assume it must be the mood. i am losing my focus slowly do you know that diary? this always happen to me but i have my reasons for doing it. it's just not right to explain it to you here. perhaps you will know soon. i got to go now...catch u later.
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