Dear Diary,
Sleepy. That is what I feel right now but I will not go to bed yet Diary. I want to write to you and tell you my bedtime stories before I call it a night. I just came back from late dinner and I was not so happy with what I had. We were supposed to have fish head curry with the pratas but the waiter only informed us that they were out of fish head curry after they served us with the pratas fifteen minutes later. All of our hopes were crushed and I was dumbfounded, as I had waited for the fish head curry to start my dinner. Dad was cool and I gave him that look. I was wondering how on earth anybody could be cool about it. I could not but I just could not be bothered about everything at that point of time so I let it go.
How has 2012 been treating you so far? I hope all is good and may you have many blessed days to come for the whole year. My day was fine except that I cannot stop feeling sleepy. I guess I have to teach myself to be discipline once again. After three weeks of holiday, it is time for me to come back to work. I have told you I have gotten a new job haven’t I Diary. I can say that it is a much-awaited job. I will still be in the banking industry doing sales but a different kind of sales than my previous job. I am excited about this new job but at the same time, I am also afraid that I might be doing nothing but work and work and work.
This job requires a lot of my time and most likely, I might be working 7 days a week. So you see Diary, there will not be plenty of leisure time for me. I figured it would be a good thing for me on the other hand as I can devout my time to work and avoid myself from getting distracted. The interviewer has told me that this is the job with unlimited income. How much I can earn has no ceiling but I have to give up my social life in order to do it. I listened, I heard and I digested what she said.
I felt thankful for getting this job because I know the minute I left my old job; I have landed myself with this new job. There are no words I could use to describe how I feel. At least I know I will not be short of income. I honestly did not know how I landed myself into this job. During the interview, I was drilled for answers and there were two panels of interviewers. I almost wanted to give up but I knew I could not as since joining the banking industry, this particular bank has been the most talk about bank that offers a very generous commission structure and a base salary. Many have said, oh if you want to earn big money, you must work for this bank. That is all what I have heard of this bank and yes, I am grateful to be given a chance to join its sales force.
I have shared this news with my mum however; she does not seem to be excited about it. Perhaps I was just the one who is being overly sensitive about things but you know I am a naturally sensitive person. At times, I wish I would have some kind of magic that could make this sensitive nature of mine go away. I know I cannot do that. I have been very careful with people nowadays. I put my feelings as my utmost priority. I stopped putting myself in dreamland and always pinch myself to make me come back to reality. I know what is mine and what is not and I have come to terms with the fact that I cannot make everything or everybody mine. Perhaps I can do that in dreamland but I am aware now that I am not living in one and I shall not make myself a victim to false hopes anymore. It hurts a bit to missing the things that I used to have but I must know where I stand. Whatever I am, there must be some pride in me that makes me different from the rest.
I have not stopped believing but I have stopped allowing myself to be too carried away with fantasies that I know are only one sided. Everytime I think of it, I get so ashamed of myself and most importantly hurt. Shame on me for being too honest and straightforward with my feelings that I have forgotten to protect myself from all the pain and hurt. I have learnt my mistakes Diary and I will not let it happen again. My mother, I am not sure what she feels about me having this job but I know what I want. I hope she blesses me with this new job because I need her blessings desperately so that I always have work for my hands to do, so my pockets hold always a coin or two, so the sun shines bright on my windowpane, so the rainbow be certain to follow each rain, so the hand of a friend always be near me and may Allah fills my heart with gladness to cheer her.
I have hopes in this new job because I know what I have been working on since the day I came back to Singapore has finally showed up shining some lights onto the path that was once dark. Yes, I may still be in phase one of my dreams and I have got myself lost in some fantasy love affairs but this road that I am taking now will someday bring me to my destiny. I have faith Diary, with or without love in realities or fantasies. May the sun shine, all day long, everything go right, and nothing wrong. May those I love bring love back to me, and may all the wishes I wish come true!
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