resisting good offer

Dear diary,

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I have decided to stop referring to her as she, instead I will give her a name. I am still thinking of a name and I will let you know what it is once I have settled on a name. Wait, I will probably call her infinity. Something so significant happened for my birthday and it was all courtesy of infinity. I didn’t really know what was the plan but infinity, ‘pretty boy’ and ‘survivor’ planned to have dinner and I was invited.

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My birthday was just a few days ago and then came this dinner invitation. I kind of had this feeling that it has got something to do with my birthday but I didn’t want to assume too much so I just took the invitation. All I wanted was to spend more time with them especially when infinity is around. I didn’t care about the occassion at all. I went back home that noon to get a fresh change of clothes for the dinner. Since I have not been going home, I really needed that break to go home. I knew I had to come back as I have promised them that I will be back after that. We actually went for supper the night before and infinity offered me something which I still could not believe it.

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Something happened to my car concerning some of its security features. infinity knew about it and wanted to help. She offered me to park my car at her home and allowed me to drive her car home and she will drive my car to work and at the same time get the car fixed. I was very surprise with her offer but simultaneously I was overwhelmed. I was thinking if she was really genuine about it all because she was going to let me have her car which worth more than my car for a day till she gets my car fixed. I was contemplating to take her offer or not but I couldn’t help to think that she is possibly the most kindest and caring person I have ever come across.

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She barely knows me but yet has offered me an offer which is beyond what some friends could have offered. This girl is for real, there I was saying to myself. I was thinking, if I were going to take up her offer, that would be an opportunity for me to get close with her. I could have made good use of the offer. I was still thinking if I should or should I not. I finally came to the conclusion I should not have because I really did not want to trouble her. Furthermore, it was crazy because I do not want to dent her car unintentionally. I have never driven a waja before and it’s kind of big compared to my kancil. I really didn’t want to jeopardise the relationship and trust I am building with her. I just have to resist her offer.

all for the sake of her

Dear diary,

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I had spent my time with my friends and she was there most of the time. We played pool and bowling. I had a great time till I didn’t want to let the moments passed. It was all about her and nothing else. I just couldn’t get enough of her. I didn’t really make efforts to have a decent conversation with her neither did I make efforts to have small talks with her. I was too shy and timid.

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That is just how I am with girls I am attracted to. The night when we played pool, for the first time, I tried to learn how to play it. I played a game which proved how I really suck at it. I didn’t even know how to hold the stick or the cue, whatever they call it. I guess it was because I felt comfortable when I had my closest buddy with me on that night. Survivor made me feel comfortable and I also was trying to have a good time.

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I tried and I got more than what I have bargained for. They taught me how to play and the most nicest thing, she gave me a tip or two and even held my hand to guide me how to hit the ball. It was nice and that made me so nervous that hitting the ball was not my priority at all. She was so cool, relax and calm. She was helpful and sincere. She was genuine. Most of all, she was original. You know how I feel with original girls. Originality never goes out of style. At that point of time, I wish that I could always be with her. It doesn’t matter what is the level of intimacy we will have between each other, all I wanted is to be with her.

a little story about her

Dear diary,
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Since I have lived in KL, I have met many girls that I am fond with. The more I tried to focus on my studies, the easier I got side track. I am not sure if that is because I lack self discipline or it is because of my weaknesses with girls. Afterall, I am no saint and I do have very strong cravings for people of the same sex as I am.

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Things were not so bad without the car, however things have got a little out of control after the car arrived. The only option I have now is to get back to basics and think of my family more especially my parents. After all the sacrifices they have made, it is shameful of me to fail them. Therefore, I am constantly reminding myself the purpose I moved to KL.I have been making efforts and I cannot tell you for sure if I have been successful in it. Exam is on the 19th of May and I have barely 2 weeks to get my face buried in my books.

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For the first time, I have felt the difficulty focusing on my goals. I know the reasons why but I am not telling you just yet.I am confident that I can make it through but the process of upholding that confidence can be quite a tall order especially when I have to overcome my weaknesses. I have been meeting a couple of girls and I have to admit that I might have took a liking on one of them.It was really unexpected and I did not even think that it was possible.

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She is straight and from my understanding has plenty of boyfriends to pick and choose to get serious with. The first time I met her, I never thought she would catch my attention but I couldn’t help myself from feeling very shy toward her. She made me feel that feeling of excitement all over again. I felt like a kid seeing the only toy that he has ever wanted when I saw her. I didn’t dare to look her in the eye the first time I saw her. She seemed distant and I did not dare to approach her. It was probably because I had registered in my mind that she is straight but then, there are many straight girls I have known who have diverted their sexual preference to people of the same sex as them. Somehow, being straight is not the only reason why I think I may not succeed in pursuing, it is also because she has the style and substance that may make men feel head over heels with her.

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First of all, my impression of her is that she is simple but yet has the qualities that would make people attracted to her. The first time I felt this way was the time when I was getting to know the flying waitress, do you still remember her diary? For the second time, it is with this girl I have met. I have to admit she makes me nervous, my heart pounds and beats loud and fast till I feel that it is going to explode anytime if I do not take control of my feelings. I had spent three days and nights with her with my friends whom had introduced me to her. I was supposed to be studying but I turned my books away just because I wanted to be close with her. I felt her pressence and I wanted to keep it alive. She’s like a magnet that pulls me away from my books and she is like the new toy a kid got for a present that diverted his attention away from all the old collection of toys. I knew it then, she is special.

catching up slowly

Dear diary,

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It has been a long time since I last write to you. So many things happened that I couldn’t recall some of them, but for the moment, things have not been good to me but people have been good to me. My life over here has been great but I must constantly remind myself not to forget my main priorities which is to study.There are so many things that I have not been telling you diary. I have got my license for motorcycle but I have decided not to ride.

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Dad bought me a car and I am mobile nowadays except that I have to learn and get familiar with the routes. The car is doing fine, it is white but with different shades of white on some parts of the body. Dad bought the car in Johor and I drove the car from Johor all the way to kuala lumpur. Nothing happened in the journey and that probably proved us that the engine’s good. We paid cash for the car because dad didn’t want to have any commitment to pay monthly installments.

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The physical conditions of the car is fine, it is just that I did some accesorising and made it look sporty. I added front, back and side skirtings to it. I added a spoiler and recently, I added red coloured mud guards to it. It has the looks that I want and I feel good driving it. I had Jack of all trades to spray my wheel cover white and my car really look like my dream car now, all white without having any other colour. Having the car makes me become independent as I do not have to depend and rely on the public transport, however it also makes me lose my focus on my studies. I have been going out too often than I should. I have always feel bad about it but I am trying to do something to make up for it.

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I am not sure what has got into me this semester but I tend to spend my time more with my friends than with my books. I have been skipping classes more often than I should. What is going on with me diary?It worries me deep down inside and I hate to be feeling this way. I guess all I can do nowadays is to study hard for my exam and pass my papers. I need to pass my papers so that I can renew my student visa without any hassle or problems. It worries me so much that everytime I wake up from sleep, my mind would be thinking about school and studies. I have to stop doing what I have been doing which is to go out and have fun with friends or sacrifice my student visa being revoked.