a little story about her

Dear diary,
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Since I have lived in KL, I have met many girls that I am fond with. The more I tried to focus on my studies, the easier I got side track. I am not sure if that is because I lack self discipline or it is because of my weaknesses with girls. Afterall, I am no saint and I do have very strong cravings for people of the same sex as I am.

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Things were not so bad without the car, however things have got a little out of control after the car arrived. The only option I have now is to get back to basics and think of my family more especially my parents. After all the sacrifices they have made, it is shameful of me to fail them. Therefore, I am constantly reminding myself the purpose I moved to KL.I have been making efforts and I cannot tell you for sure if I have been successful in it. Exam is on the 19th of May and I have barely 2 weeks to get my face buried in my books.

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For the first time, I have felt the difficulty focusing on my goals. I know the reasons why but I am not telling you just yet.I am confident that I can make it through but the process of upholding that confidence can be quite a tall order especially when I have to overcome my weaknesses. I have been meeting a couple of girls and I have to admit that I might have took a liking on one of them.It was really unexpected and I did not even think that it was possible.

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She is straight and from my understanding has plenty of boyfriends to pick and choose to get serious with. The first time I met her, I never thought she would catch my attention but I couldn’t help myself from feeling very shy toward her. She made me feel that feeling of excitement all over again. I felt like a kid seeing the only toy that he has ever wanted when I saw her. I didn’t dare to look her in the eye the first time I saw her. She seemed distant and I did not dare to approach her. It was probably because I had registered in my mind that she is straight but then, there are many straight girls I have known who have diverted their sexual preference to people of the same sex as them. Somehow, being straight is not the only reason why I think I may not succeed in pursuing, it is also because she has the style and substance that may make men feel head over heels with her.

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First of all, my impression of her is that she is simple but yet has the qualities that would make people attracted to her. The first time I felt this way was the time when I was getting to know the flying waitress, do you still remember her diary? For the second time, it is with this girl I have met. I have to admit she makes me nervous, my heart pounds and beats loud and fast till I feel that it is going to explode anytime if I do not take control of my feelings. I had spent three days and nights with her with my friends whom had introduced me to her. I was supposed to be studying but I turned my books away just because I wanted to be close with her. I felt her pressence and I wanted to keep it alive. She’s like a magnet that pulls me away from my books and she is like the new toy a kid got for a present that diverted his attention away from all the old collection of toys. I knew it then, she is special.