Dear Diary,
I hope you are doing well because I am feeling under control lately. I miss my home in Subang Jaya and all the people that I have known there. While I am writing you this, I just realized that most of the people I am fond with are found there. That place just has enough memories to make me feel attached to it. I feel so close with it. Every part of it never fails to remind me of something that has had an impact on my life. I have spent most of my life in Malaysia there and I have spent my time there with the people that were once closed to my heart. They came into my life and left footprints in my heart which are simply unforgettable.
I am planning of what to do next Diary. Things are becoming clearer now and it is easy for me to make decisions. I do not have to rely on my instincts anymore because truths have revealed themselves. I have to admit that it was difficult for me to plan when truths are not revealed yet but after they have showed themselves, the path which I am going to take is becoming more prominent to me. I cannot deny that I might have to leave Malaysia if the decision I am taking is not going to be in my favour. I really have not regrets about it. If that is what I have to do then that’s just what I have to accept. There is no more worrying and hoping when all they do is to make me more stressful and pressured. I don’t want to go through that phase anymore. I deserve to be happy and that is my priority.
I have a few options and I am keeping them open but it all depends on the result of my applications. If it go through, I am fine but it if doesn’t then I guess I will still be fine but I won’t be able to stick around anymore. I just have to be pragmatic and practical. When one door closes another always open and opportunities lie everywhere, I just have to look for it.
Being in Singapore longer than usual allows me to reflect on how I had spent my time. I didn’t really bothered and cared about my status. Everytime I came back to meet my family, I always had to rush back just to be with her. it was like spending more time with her was worth than spending time with my family. Can you see the pattern Diary? I failed to analyse things and decide what should be my priority. I was lost in my own world ignoring my responsibilities. I had almost anything and everything that I could have wished for; love, money and assets. I could say that I was living a comfortable life. Although the love, money and assets were not quite of a big deal but they were enough to make me feel complete. Most importantly I did not feel lonely at all. I thought I had everything but I became careless. I neglected what I came here for. I had forgotten what I was fighting for. Silly me!
I have become sober now. Sense and sensibility had become my best friend and I spend my time reflecting and feeling remorse. I do shed a tear or two before I fell asleep. I have thought about Infinity, flying babe, my parents, my brother and myself. I take a deep breath everytime I think of them. I am more relaxed now unbecoming the worrier I am known to be. I take things easy but seriously since sense and sensibility came knocking into my head. This is probably a message from Him telling me to wake up from my dream. The break up probably was the wake up call for me. It hurts Diary but if that is what going to make me achieve what I came here for then I shall say it was worth it but until then, I shall say it was one hell of a ride.
I hope you are doing well because I am feeling under control lately. I miss my home in Subang Jaya and all the people that I have known there. While I am writing you this, I just realized that most of the people I am fond with are found there. That place just has enough memories to make me feel attached to it. I feel so close with it. Every part of it never fails to remind me of something that has had an impact on my life. I have spent most of my life in Malaysia there and I have spent my time there with the people that were once closed to my heart. They came into my life and left footprints in my heart which are simply unforgettable.
I am planning of what to do next Diary. Things are becoming clearer now and it is easy for me to make decisions. I do not have to rely on my instincts anymore because truths have revealed themselves. I have to admit that it was difficult for me to plan when truths are not revealed yet but after they have showed themselves, the path which I am going to take is becoming more prominent to me. I cannot deny that I might have to leave Malaysia if the decision I am taking is not going to be in my favour. I really have not regrets about it. If that is what I have to do then that’s just what I have to accept. There is no more worrying and hoping when all they do is to make me more stressful and pressured. I don’t want to go through that phase anymore. I deserve to be happy and that is my priority.
I have a few options and I am keeping them open but it all depends on the result of my applications. If it go through, I am fine but it if doesn’t then I guess I will still be fine but I won’t be able to stick around anymore. I just have to be pragmatic and practical. When one door closes another always open and opportunities lie everywhere, I just have to look for it.
Being in Singapore longer than usual allows me to reflect on how I had spent my time. I didn’t really bothered and cared about my status. Everytime I came back to meet my family, I always had to rush back just to be with her. it was like spending more time with her was worth than spending time with my family. Can you see the pattern Diary? I failed to analyse things and decide what should be my priority. I was lost in my own world ignoring my responsibilities. I had almost anything and everything that I could have wished for; love, money and assets. I could say that I was living a comfortable life. Although the love, money and assets were not quite of a big deal but they were enough to make me feel complete. Most importantly I did not feel lonely at all. I thought I had everything but I became careless. I neglected what I came here for. I had forgotten what I was fighting for. Silly me!
I have become sober now. Sense and sensibility had become my best friend and I spend my time reflecting and feeling remorse. I do shed a tear or two before I fell asleep. I have thought about Infinity, flying babe, my parents, my brother and myself. I take a deep breath everytime I think of them. I am more relaxed now unbecoming the worrier I am known to be. I take things easy but seriously since sense and sensibility came knocking into my head. This is probably a message from Him telling me to wake up from my dream. The break up probably was the wake up call for me. It hurts Diary but if that is what going to make me achieve what I came here for then I shall say it was worth it but until then, I shall say it was one hell of a ride.
PS: Hey Flying babe…I feel you
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