Dear Diary,
I have been rushing to run errands for myself, the stall and school the past few weeks. In other words, I have been busy till I have to buy time for myself. It is hard living in two countries. I have to travel often and it is taking its toll on me. Yes, it keeps me busy and distracted from thinking about stuffs that do nothing but only put me in enormous sadness. I am coping well with things and life is a little organized than before. I have eaten well and my appetite is growing. I don’t leave myself sleeping with hunger anymore. At least I make sure that I don’t go to sleep on an empty stomach.
I have to admit, I have been getting a couple of comments about my weight. People around me say that I have put on weight. I guess it is because of the long stay in Singapore. It is always very different when you live with your parents. You have almost everything and your well being is taken care of. I haven’t been to the gym and that makes it worst. I froze my gym membership for five months now since I am spending two weeks in Singapore and two weeks in Malaysia. I miss the gym Diary. I miss the work outs and getting sweaty and all. I am still waiting for my visa and I do not really care anymore. Thinking about it will only make me become more stressful. I do not want to be the worrier anymore.
I have been thinking about you Diary and all the things that I wanted to tell. I went hiking at Mount Ophir or Gunung Ledang as it is popularly known over here. It is my fourth time climbing the mountain. There were supposed to be eight of us but four pulled out at the last minute and that leave us with only four climbers. One quarter to the summit, one of the climbers gave up because she found that it was too challenging for her and she made her way back down. So there were just the three of us and I was the only woman climber in the team. So many changes happened at Gunung Ledang. There were many new routes, rules and regulations. It has been under the care of the National Park since four years ago if I am not mistaken. I used to climb it at night to reach the summit before dawn, wanting to catch the sunrise but it is not allowed anymore. Making camp at the campsites is not allowed anymore due to the recent incidences of trees got uprooted and fell on the tent of a camper and killing him instantly. A week after that another incident happened that claimed the life of another climber. Since then, the National Park authorities have been very careful and strict. That’s when the changes happened. No more night climbs, no more camping on camping grounds and climbers have to complete the climb within a day.
It was tiring Diary. I never thought Gunung Ledang is suitable for a day hike because of its height. It is the highest mountain in the southern of Peninsula Malaysia with a height of 1,276 meters. Ascending it took us five hours and descending took us three hours. There were two other big groups that climbed the mountain on the day we were there. One group was from Singapore consisting of forty students from Serangoon Junior College and the other one was from Batu Pahat consisting of sixty students. Our group was the last group to ascend but we managed to catch up with them halfway up. That’s the thing about climbing in small group Diary. We can easily catch up with bigger groups even if they start climbing two to three hours earlier than us. That’s the same with climbing down. I was happy and glad that we made it. It was tiring and I suffered major muscle ache after the climb but it is really worth it.
There are a lot of things that I have taught myself to be in this climb. I have taught myself to be independent and to get used to the fact that I will not be climbing with Infinity anymore. You know how it was like before this, don’t you Diary? Infinity was my climbing buddy. I have introduced this hobby to her and she seemed to like it. There are a couple of mountains that I climbed with her. Gunung Ledang is her first mountain and we never stopped climbing since then. I still remember the trip. She was so eager and excited about everything. I bought her a pair of hiking shoes for the trip. The trip was fun and very memorable because it was her first mountain and it was my first time organizing a mountain climbing trip.
I climbed Gunung Ledang again this time without her and I guess I have to get used to the fact that I will not be climbing anymore mountains with her anymore. Both of us are like strangers to each other now. We just drew apart after the break up. We give each other the cold treatment and I guess that’s how it is going to be for the time that we have left in this world. I miss her company Diary because we did so many things together. She was like the sister I never had and she made me feel so complete. Loneliness was not in my vocabulary when I was with her. When I was up at the summit, I tried to feel her presence because I knew I was there twice with her. I wasn’t excited neither was I sad but I was remembering the day we were there achieving our goals to reach the summit and I made her dream came true to conquer a mountain. It was pure joy looking at her all smiles and I thought I would climb forever with her. Forever just seems scary to most of us. I have stopped believing in forever. I have stopped believing in promises.
I live my life like an ordinary woman nowadays. I have drawn an invisible circle around myself and I dare not crossed that invisible circle. I keep myself in that circle observing people from this place I call my comfort zone. I am allowing myself to be in love with the woman in the mirror. Once in awhile I allow myself to be nostalgic because I believe nostalgia for what I have lost is more bearable than nostalgia for what I have never had....
PS: Hey Infinity…thank you for the memories.
I have been rushing to run errands for myself, the stall and school the past few weeks. In other words, I have been busy till I have to buy time for myself. It is hard living in two countries. I have to travel often and it is taking its toll on me. Yes, it keeps me busy and distracted from thinking about stuffs that do nothing but only put me in enormous sadness. I am coping well with things and life is a little organized than before. I have eaten well and my appetite is growing. I don’t leave myself sleeping with hunger anymore. At least I make sure that I don’t go to sleep on an empty stomach.
I have to admit, I have been getting a couple of comments about my weight. People around me say that I have put on weight. I guess it is because of the long stay in Singapore. It is always very different when you live with your parents. You have almost everything and your well being is taken care of. I haven’t been to the gym and that makes it worst. I froze my gym membership for five months now since I am spending two weeks in Singapore and two weeks in Malaysia. I miss the gym Diary. I miss the work outs and getting sweaty and all. I am still waiting for my visa and I do not really care anymore. Thinking about it will only make me become more stressful. I do not want to be the worrier anymore.
I have been thinking about you Diary and all the things that I wanted to tell. I went hiking at Mount Ophir or Gunung Ledang as it is popularly known over here. It is my fourth time climbing the mountain. There were supposed to be eight of us but four pulled out at the last minute and that leave us with only four climbers. One quarter to the summit, one of the climbers gave up because she found that it was too challenging for her and she made her way back down. So there were just the three of us and I was the only woman climber in the team. So many changes happened at Gunung Ledang. There were many new routes, rules and regulations. It has been under the care of the National Park since four years ago if I am not mistaken. I used to climb it at night to reach the summit before dawn, wanting to catch the sunrise but it is not allowed anymore. Making camp at the campsites is not allowed anymore due to the recent incidences of trees got uprooted and fell on the tent of a camper and killing him instantly. A week after that another incident happened that claimed the life of another climber. Since then, the National Park authorities have been very careful and strict. That’s when the changes happened. No more night climbs, no more camping on camping grounds and climbers have to complete the climb within a day.
It was tiring Diary. I never thought Gunung Ledang is suitable for a day hike because of its height. It is the highest mountain in the southern of Peninsula Malaysia with a height of 1,276 meters. Ascending it took us five hours and descending took us three hours. There were two other big groups that climbed the mountain on the day we were there. One group was from Singapore consisting of forty students from Serangoon Junior College and the other one was from Batu Pahat consisting of sixty students. Our group was the last group to ascend but we managed to catch up with them halfway up. That’s the thing about climbing in small group Diary. We can easily catch up with bigger groups even if they start climbing two to three hours earlier than us. That’s the same with climbing down. I was happy and glad that we made it. It was tiring and I suffered major muscle ache after the climb but it is really worth it.
There are a lot of things that I have taught myself to be in this climb. I have taught myself to be independent and to get used to the fact that I will not be climbing with Infinity anymore. You know how it was like before this, don’t you Diary? Infinity was my climbing buddy. I have introduced this hobby to her and she seemed to like it. There are a couple of mountains that I climbed with her. Gunung Ledang is her first mountain and we never stopped climbing since then. I still remember the trip. She was so eager and excited about everything. I bought her a pair of hiking shoes for the trip. The trip was fun and very memorable because it was her first mountain and it was my first time organizing a mountain climbing trip.
I climbed Gunung Ledang again this time without her and I guess I have to get used to the fact that I will not be climbing anymore mountains with her anymore. Both of us are like strangers to each other now. We just drew apart after the break up. We give each other the cold treatment and I guess that’s how it is going to be for the time that we have left in this world. I miss her company Diary because we did so many things together. She was like the sister I never had and she made me feel so complete. Loneliness was not in my vocabulary when I was with her. When I was up at the summit, I tried to feel her presence because I knew I was there twice with her. I wasn’t excited neither was I sad but I was remembering the day we were there achieving our goals to reach the summit and I made her dream came true to conquer a mountain. It was pure joy looking at her all smiles and I thought I would climb forever with her. Forever just seems scary to most of us. I have stopped believing in forever. I have stopped believing in promises.
I live my life like an ordinary woman nowadays. I have drawn an invisible circle around myself and I dare not crossed that invisible circle. I keep myself in that circle observing people from this place I call my comfort zone. I am allowing myself to be in love with the woman in the mirror. Once in awhile I allow myself to be nostalgic because I believe nostalgia for what I have lost is more bearable than nostalgia for what I have never had....
PS: Hey Infinity…thank you for the memories.
No comments:
Post a Comment