Dear Diary,
I have been so busy with things in my life that I had to ignore you for a while. I have never intended to pay no attention to you nor disregard you but my hands got so tied up with things that I had no other options than just to keep my fingers away from the laptop. I have just realized that when you are at your busiest times even iPad is of no use. I have thought of you Diary, but my eyes can barely open and my fingers are all tired from the packing and unpacking. I have been so busy at the beginning of the year that it somewhat makes me feel that 2011 will be a good year for me.
It is instinct Diary. I have never stopped being busy since the start of the New Year. I have had so many things to do with work, family and Hello Kitty. I have so much to write about but the stories got all jumbled up in my brain. Firstly, I have moved out of the new house. Secondly, I got a new job. Thirdly, my younger brother is getting married next weekend.
Moving house is really something that I do not wish for again. It is exhausting. It demands a lot of your energy and time especially when you are the only one in the family that has plenty of time to do the packing. It is the norm that people will think you have all the time in the world to do everything when you are home most of the times. In times like this, who else can I expect to help? I miss the times when I had the extra helping hand. Well Diary, he is gone now forever and I know I cannot really depend on my eldest brother or my parents.
I spent my time day and night packing and packing as if I have never done before. The house was surrounded by boxes, empty ones and filled ones. My sleeping place was in between boxes and my routine things to do was to wake up and keep packing until there was no more to pack. I came across so many things that brought memories, good or bad. I am not sure if I am going to miss the house but I know the memories in the house remains in my heart. It was not a sad event but the packing of stuffs brought tears to my eyes at times.
There were still clothes, shoes and things that belonged to my late brother in the wardrobe. Clearing the wardrobe somewhat gave me the chill and I can feel my heart sank a little. I miss my late brother so much beyond descriptions. I often wonder how it is going to be if he is still alive. Things are so different now but you and I know that is not easy to forget someone just like that especially after he existed in your life for 28 years. I miss his company so much lately. I supposed it is because we are moving out of the house where he spent his last days with us. Those moments, yeah, I still remember them. He was lying in his bed in his room where all of us surrounded him until he breathed his last breath.
There are two boxes of his stuffs packed in the store. I am not sure what mum wants to do with them. This is the part where I really hate the most. Going through his stuffs will bring back the memories and I know I will cry. Yeah, I have cried for him but not in front of my mother, father nor my brothers . Like the saying says “Sorrow you can hold, however desolating, if nobody speaks to you. If they speak, you break down”.
Oh well Diary, I am beginning to be a crybaby. I am not the tough girl that I used to be anymore. Every little thing can easily make me cry nowadays. At times, I wonder what ever happened to me along the way. Well, I supposed I never really thought that this side of me would exist. It is true that death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal, sorrow makes us all children again - destroys all differences of intellect. The wisest know nothing.
I got to go Diary. Tomorrow will be my second day working. Wish me luck. I will tell you everything about it soon ok. Love you Diary.
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