It's coming back to me again...

dear diary,

i have been busy lately with my own stuffs and i tend to overlook what do i want to feel for myself. i miss my family and i moved to KL because that is what i really want to do and to live. you know how i feel about leaving my family don't you?i keep thinking about my late brother and i do get sad most of the times. i wonder if he were here and what would i be doing. would it be different having him still around. diary..i miss him very much and i just cannot stop thinking about him. the expressions in his face and the looks before he went away. i could never forget it. he will always be on my mind. i feel sorry for him for having to leave us so young with so many things he desired not achieved. he had so many dreams. i feel sad for him diary...if only he were still alive...if only...

Provoke me and I will retaliate

dear diary,

.

i feel like i am back to my secondary school days. the girls in the hostel are friendly and polite but there are some who are just pure bitch. i have been minding my own business and i notice there are 2 or 3 girls that think they are just cool and are so proud about it.

.

i was studying there whole day yesterday in my room and when it was time for dinner, my room mate asked if i wanted to share her curry. she offered me and so i accepted when i really didn't want to. she was at the pantry and it is a common hang out place for the tenants of the hostel. there were two girls sitting at the table there watching television. i had notice the other one since a few days after i have lived there. she has a tatoo on her back and she smokes. i think she's the only one smoking in the hostel. i couldn't be bothered about her but what i couldn't stand was that she kept stealing glances at me. and when i had eye contact with her she turn away pretending to look somewhere else.

.

while i was eating with my room mate, i made a few conversation with the guard and probably i was making too much noise for them and the two of them kept looking at each other making faces and giving me the body language that made me feel i had offended them or something. i kept my cool and so i continued eating.after awhile a few friends joined us and when you have more than 3 people there, you cannot expect the noise level will be decreased. we started talking and again the girl with the tatoo made gestures and expressions on her face that she disliked what we are doing. it was as if we were interrupting her tv sessions.i didn't get it because how could she expect us to be quite just because she is there. that is a common area where everybody hangs out and please do not expect people to give you what you want. you just cannot have your cake and eat it. i got pissed and i almost confronted her when i stopped myself from doing so because i kept telling myself i am here to study and not too look for trouble.

.

you know diary, i swear to god, that if i had lost my temper, i would have confronted her and gave her a piece of my mind. i will spit at her face and i will pull her hair hard and i will naked her and threw her ouot of the hostel and let everbody view her ugly big fat yellow stinking ass. she has been giving most of my friends a hard time at the hostel and i just figured that somehow somebody have to teach her a lesson. i'm not game for finding enemies from where i live at but if u were there with me, you would know how i feel. although the gestures and the facial expressions were not directly intended at me but i was there with my friends and i knew she meant those gestures for us. somebody just have to protect my friends. she is probably not worth it but if i were to stay there longer and watch her making fun of my friends like that again, i swear i will diplomatically come up to her and ask her if she has a problem with me or not.

That's how it is...

dear diary,

.

i wanted to talk to you some more about the moving to Kuala Lumpur process but i think i will wait and talk about something else. it is kind of boring to be talking about the same thing over again. as much as i want to tell you about the whole process, i still have to prioritise hot stories. do you remember little sister? guess what? i have finally met her and i was happy. she came to my hostel even though it was dificult for her to do that. she planned it with her friend and we finally got to meet. you know, i truly appreciate her effort even though the meeting did not last for more than 30 minutes. she brought me a rose and i didn't really like it. you know how i hate flowers don't you? i didn't get turn off when she gave me the rose but i wasn't really thrilled when i got it. little sister is a very petite woman for her age. she's shorter than me and much smaller in built. she's pleasant looking and believe me, i felt so happy when i saw her. it's like i have finally met the person i have known whom i have always thought to be someone without a face. i wanted to give her a hug, i wanted to do something to her that enable me to tell her how much i treasure her. i didn't have the chance to do so diary. we didn't have much time and we met directly underneath my hostel. i can't be giving the wrong impression to the people there. it's too big a risk to take. but i have to be honest that i am happy that i finally met her. it's really worth it diary...and i would like that to be repeated. hopefully...

loving jebat and tuah unconditionally

dear diary,
.
i have talked to you about my room mate and a little bit of the moving to Kuala Lumpur process. right now, i want to talk to you about the cats. as you have already known, hang tuah has been around with us for a year now and we have another new ragdoll and his name is hang jebat. mom paid for hang jebat and he cost cheaper than hang tuah. hang tuah is 1.2k and hang jebat is 300 bucks cheaper. i guess it goes the same with cats as well. if you pay peanuts, you get monkey. in our case, hang tuah has been very good and does not cause a lot of problems. however, hang jebat has been giving small problems to us. first of all, his personality has been a problem to me. he is very timid and fearful of almost everything. during the first few days of his arrival, he hid himself in a place only god knows where. we had to search for him high and low and he only came out when he was hungry.
.
can u believe that the whole family delayed the maghrib prayer just because all of us wanted to search for hang jebat first. i guess, we have begun to love him and have accepted him into the family so that's why we delayed the prayer just to feel at ease while praying. knowing that he is safe and sound enable us to pray with focus. oh diary, there was the cat competition in july and we entered hang tuah and jebat together. hang jebat entered the championship category while tuah has to settle for household category cos he des not have the championship features. hang tuah lost all four rounds. hang jebat won all four rounds and he got plenty of goodies, food supply, little supply and other freebies that's worth about three month's supply of food. isn't that a bonus to the owners of the cats who won in competitions? we just have to invest a little bit of our time during the competition and pay a small amount of entry fees and in return get double or triple what we have invested if our cats won.
.
hang tuah lost this time cos there were too many household cats. he won himself a place for best 9th household cat. hang jebat really surprises us cos we did not expect him to win any cos of his personality but the good thing about cat competition is that cats are not judged based on personalities but more on outlooks. i guess that's where he excels. hang jebat looks pretty while he is a male. his fur is much softer than hang tuah's and is whiter. i love both of them regardless what. they are like the friends i have that always understands me and put up with my nonsense without complains..come to think of it, how could they complain when they can't speak?

walking down the memory lane...

dear diary,

i have to apologise for you for not writing for too long. sometimes i wonder if you have forgotten about me. i hope you can still remember me and how i am because i do not want to start all over again creating a relationship with you. you know how it is having to create something all over again after you had created it. i owe you many stories diary, it is just that i haven't found the time to write.

.

i have been busy going to and fro kuala lumpur and singapore. and every time i come back to kuala lumpur, i brought some of my stuffs along little by little. i have about 2 fifth of my wardrobe in my hostel and i have yet to fill it up with another 3 fifth of my wardrobe. i have my favourite clothes there and jeans as well. i am bringing my shoes this time round. my hostel is situated at a posh area in kuala lumpur. unluckily for me, things are expensive there. being a student with no constant fixed source of incomes, i just have to watch what i spend. even for food, i have to think twice because i am supporting myself for food and pleasure. i am not sure if mom will support me financially for accomodations once i have moved out of the hostel. we have paid five months in advance for hostel and i am staying there without having to worry about the rent monthly for five months.

.

it is not easy moving from one country to another country diary. lucky for me, singapore is just a stone throw away from malaysia and i don't have to take a flight to be there. i do not have to worry about my luggage being heavy than allowed or anything like that. the first time i brought my stuffs, i came with my family in a car. i took the opportunity to carry the big stuffs first. i didn't carry much but i brought the most essentials ones first. the second time i came, i was with my parents and we took the coach service. i carried two extra luggages with me filled with the rest of my clothes, hangers and undies. so i can say that i will be dressed comfortably there. after the shoes have been moved from singapore to kuala lumpur, i will be 100% confident with my outlook. my hostel is expensive since i am not having the single room. all the singles have been taken away.

.

i am sharing the room with another girl. she's ok and i think i will get along with her. i had a few occasions where i didn't like the way she wants things done but i didn't pay her much attention anyway. i just thought myself, this is hostel life and somehow i just have to adapt. i am not going to be there for eternity anyway. i won't even be there after next 2 months. overall, she is ok, it's just that i am not used to staying in a hostel with a complete stranger and i have lots of catchig up to do.ash and i are going to live together soon if none of us changes our mind later on. it's funny how you think that things are impossible is possible. i remember that when ash and i were a couple last time, we used to dream of staying together once i have moved to kuala lumpur.

.

when we broke up, i never thought that it would happen and most of all, i never thought i would make it there cos my late brother was sick and i didn't see my moving to kuala lumpur was coming. he's gone now and i have to carry on without him. coincidentally ash is also looking for a place to stay and i asked if she would like to share with me. she agreed and she's searching for it first. frankly, i feel very comfortable with ash. probably because ash and i have a history together and we know each other pretty well. i went for lunch with her the other day at mid valley. it was fun getting to do that with an old friend. it sure brings back old memories and somehow i couldn't help myself from wondering ....if there is a possibility that we might be together again...i rest my case.