The Dentist, The Brace and The Food I miss

Dear Diary,

I missed Fajr today. I woke up at 830am. I did not hear my alarm nor did I hear the Azan from my phone. I installed an Islamic app and it will notify me by Azan when prayer time comes. I did not hear a thing and I knew I really had a deep sleep last night. I was awaken at 330am actually and I had trouble going back to sleep then. I am thinking of having another alarm set up so that I will not miss waking up for Fajr. It is probably because of my age how I take the daily prayers seriously nowadays. I have noticed that changed in me. It becomes more obvious especially after I quit my job. I am not sure if it got something to do with my source of income. Well, honestly I do not have a stable income yet and I knew I have to turn to Allah to make me good at whatever I am doing for a living.

I am really determined not to go back to my 9-5 work. I have become lazy at it. Surprisingly I am not at all worried I am jobless now. I think it is the belief that I will do well in this online thingy I have going in the future. I believe in what I can achieve and I know I can accomplish financial freedom soon. It is just a matter of time. I am going for an internet business talk tomorrow. It is not a course, just a preview talk which I believe they will offer attendees opportunity to attend comprehensive workshop which will cost some money. I will not sign up for it if there is any. I have told you I have paid for a course which will start in August.  I cannot wait for it.

I had my braces tightened this morning. Luckily the clinic called me yesterday to remind me of the appointment. I hate going to the dentist since I was young. When I was in primary school, I really hated when I was called to go see the dentist. Every time a student came into my class with the dental card, I prayed silently that it was not my name to be called. I hated the dentist so much that I never thought it was necessary until my teeth got worse. You know that some tortures are physical, and some are mental, but the one that is both is dental. Like I said earlier, I had no choice as brace is the only option I have to save my teeth. I guess I just realised that every tooth in a man's head is more valuable than a diamond. I checked with the nurse and she told me I could take longer than 2 years to wear the brace as some teeth move slower and some move faster. It all depends on how fast my jaw and teeth shaped.

 Wearing brace makes me smile less and I have this feeling of self conscious. I never thought I would be wearing brace as I never consider it was necessary for me. But I have a gap in between my teeth, it has become prominent and I had to do something to my teeth. Every time during the appointment, I don’t like it when the dentist tightened and changed the wires of my brace. It is painful as he needs to push the wire into the socket on my teeth. Whenever he does that, the pain can be unbearable that at times I have to push his hand away and turned my face away from his hands. Can you imagine the pain until I have to do that? The purpose of the brace is to control the growth of my teeth so that they grow within an area deemed normal.

The dentist took photos of me before I wear the brace and also after I wear the brace. He made me smile in some pictures. He took my pictures from the left, right and front. I had to go for an x-ray too. He needed to study my jaw structure and also the shape of the teeth. Those pictures are for his record. I am pretty sure when the time comes for me to take off my brace, they will have to take my pictures again.  I see some people with braces have the coloured rubber attached to their brace but I wonder why I do not need to wear it. Perhaps I am still at an early stage of the treatment. My gums are still experiencing pain.

I have learnt how to eat and chew my food. I use my right molar teeth to chew. There are still problems about how I eat but it is not a big deal anyway. I miss eating burgers. I haven’t eaten one for 7 months now. I grieve for biting fried chickens and I long for eating pears. I marvel when I will be able to eat normally again because when the stomach is full the heart is glad as all happiness depends on a leisurely meals.