When One Door Shuts, Another Opens...

Dear Diary,

This morning when I woke up, I saw a message on my phone that said, "I have found a house that I like, thank you for your service anyway." I acknowledged the message and tried to be positive about it all. He is the most qualified buyer I have currently and again, I have lost the deal. He is a referral from my friend and I supposed I did not give him my 100% commitment thus I lost him to another efficient agent perhaps.

I gave him only 50% of my commitment because I spent my time mostly on matching the rental leads I have with the rental listings online. In the end, he might have sourced out the service of other agents. I supposed what made me gave my service half heartedly is because one of his requirement is a corner unit and every agent knows how difficult it is to get a corner unit. I gave him 4 listings but I delayed asking him to view the units. I don't know what was I thinking at that time Diary. I think it is more of a "don't know how to prioritise" clients kind of thing. The thing about being an agent is, you do everything on your own from the marketing of your service, the sourcing of listings and leads, bringing your clients for viewing, to the servicing of your clients and to the paperworks processes as well. There are too many for one to handle especially for a rookie agent like myself.

I guess I have to get used to losing out on deals if I still do not learn how to prioritise my prospects and manage my time well. I have to admit that I have lost 4 most serious potential clients since I started as an agent. During those times, I was still uncertain of what to do and most of all afraid. Yes Diary, I was afraid to even call the prospects. Not that I am not used to cold calling but I was more afraid of being thought of as inefficient or unknowledgeable. You see, when you call them up they tend to ask you questions more than what you can answer them and they expect you to know more than them. Therefore, as agent we always have to equipped ourselves with the latest developments and changes in property market. We have to keep ourselves update with the rules and regulations especially dealings with HDB flat buyers and sellers.

I cooked myself a simple breakfast after shower and I got dressed to go farming again. As I was about to leave, I received a call. I picked it up and it was from a woman who wants to rent out a room in her flat. She asked if I could speak in Mandarin and I said no. So we spoke in English and she said that in my flyers, I really looked like Chinese. She was confused with me because I have a Chinese face with a Malay name on my flyers. I told her that the Chinese look is an inheritance from dad. We have this Chinese blood in us so that explains. I took down her details and her preferences and I ended up staying at home advertising her unit and searching for suitable tenant for her online. I also registered with another paid property rental portal and I got many leads from there too. All I have to do is to mix and match. 

As I was doing my work, I got another call from an unfamiliar number. A lady was on the other line and she enquired about the process of selling and buying a house. I made used of my in-house and CEA course I attended and put them into practice. Only then I realised how important it is to be a qualified agent. Even without experience, I can share with her my fair share of knowledge and opinions. I am not boasting Diary but I think I did good. I am kind of proud of myself for not failing her with the questions she threw at me. In the end, she asked me to look for her a house that she can view because she wants to upgrade from a smaller flat to a bigger flat. That means, she is selling her house and buying at the same time. If I manage to get her a flat she likes, I can be her exclusive agent and that gives me a full privilege.

Diary, at that point of time I felt so thankful and grateful to Allah for not making me a weakling. I felt terrible on Monday but I persisted with my determination. Even though how unhappy and upset I was, I carried on with my farming. Today, I got the result. Yes, I have not closed the deals but it shows that my efforts pay off and most importantly, when one door shuts another always opens. I figured that making sales is like falling in and out of love. We get hurt when we fall out of love, that is the same like not being able to close any deals when you have the listing and leads because sometimes, they both don't match. We get butterflies in our stomach everytime we fall in love just like how we feel when we close a deal.

When we get rejected in love, we often question ourselves if we had not been good enough for her or if she has found someone better than us. That is exactly the same with sales too, if a prospect buys or sells through another agent and not you, surely there must be something in you that you lack. That is the truth isn't it? And truth always hurts. But then again, other prospects might end up using our service than the service of another agent, so what does that make us? Are we better than the other agents? It is subjective but one thing for sure, I know that we are all not perfect but we may be perfect or almost perfect to the one we love or serve regardless who we are.

Often, I hear about people like me who have been in a relationship for more than 5 years. I am impressed beyond words. And I wonder to myself will I ever get that in my life? I don't know. But I have learnt so much from love. Perhaps I am just not girlfriend material or I will probably remain single to people like me and a spinster to straights. Whatever Diary...Someday I will probably understand and figure it all out. I know Flying Babe will agree with me, she's in my background.   

Third Eye Blind - How's It Going To Be

I'm only pretty sure that I can't take anymore

Before you take a swing I wonder What are we fighting for

When I say out loud I want to get out of this

I wonder Is there anything I'm going to miss

I wonder How it's going to be When you don't know me

How's it going to be When you're sure I'm not there

How's it going to be When there's no one to talk to between u & me

'Cause I don't care How's it going to be How's it going to be

Where we used to laugh There's a shouting match

Sharp as a thumbnail scratch A silence I can't ignore Like...

The hammocks by the doorway we spent time in Swings empty,

don't see lightning like last fall, when it was always about to hit me

I wonder how's it going to be when it goes down

Hows it going to be When your not around Hows it going to be

When you found out there was nothing Between you and me

'Cause I don't care How's it going to be Hows it going to be

When you don't know me any more And how's it going to be

Want to get myself back in again The soft dive of oblivian

Wanna taste the salt of your skin The soft dive of oblivian Oblivian

How's it going to be When you don't know me any more

How's it going to be How's it going to be

How It Is Going To Be...

Dear Diary,

I woke up early today with some memories of yesterday. I smelled something good and I knew mum was cooking. I got out of my room and walked straight to the bathroom not acknowledging my mum at all. I felt so tired from everything and I know it is not a good thing to feel to start the day. I felt demotivated, demoralised and so weak like I was going to die. I did not want to look at mum because I know she would have asked if she had seen my face like that.

I took my shower and I got prepared to do my farming. I have not done my farming for a week since I have got leads online. I have been trying to match the leads with the listings of other agents and up till today I have not been successful. It has also been a week since I last watched TV. I feel stressful Diary. I feel that I need a break but how can I when I have not met my expectations. I feel angry with myself. I cannot describe how I feel nowadays. I need to be on the praying mat but I can't since I am still having my period. I need to speak to Him directly. I just need to let it go you know Diary...just talk it out. 

When I got dressed, mum asked me to have my breakfast. I did and while I was chewing the food, I stared at the wall looking very blank. Mum must have noticed and she made small talk with me. I did not look at her at all Diary. I knew if I were to look at her, I would have just broke down and cry. I wanted so much for her to hug me at that moment but I held myself back. What would I ever do without this kind soul whom I call mother? I  wondered silently how it is going to be if she's gone from my life.

I left home after breakfast and I got to Avenue 6 at 11am sharp. I sat down for awhile and read some prayers first before I began. I did 3 blocks altogether because the flyers I brought were just enough for 3 blocks. I wished I would have brought more since all I wanted to do was to work and work. I wanted to be busy Diary so I would not have time to be misery, grumpy or gloomy. I wanted to forget unhappiness that exist in my life today and I wanted to erase the sadness away. I finished the 3 blocks at exactly 1pm and I walked back home. As I walked home, I walked passed my old block and I looked up to the unit that I used to live. We lived on the 8th floor in that block and I recalled how I used to climb over the window in my late brother's room to get into my room because I got locked out of my room. 

You see Diary, at that time I was not talking to my mother because she was upset with me. Well, I was 17 then and you know how teenager can be at that age don't you? I was so egotistical and adamantly refused to ask my mother for the key to my room. Furthermore, it was way past midnight and I did not want to wake my parents up also, because I knew, more nagging will come if I did. My late brother's room was just next to mine and from his window I can just climbed over to my room with a bit of climbing skills of course. He refused at first and asked me to get the key from my mother. I stood firm on my principle and influenced him to work with me. I was very persistent to get what I wanted and he just had to give in to my persistency. 

So there we were...planning to execute the strategy we had. My late brother offered to climb but I objected because I felt it was my responsibility and furthermore, he was way bigger than I was. It was difficult for him to walk over from his window to mine. I gave him the logic and he started thinking. He agreed to let me do it. So we took a used towel, tore it to about 5 strips, tied them together and tied the end of it to my waist and to his window grille. So, I climbed over his window closest to my room and as soon as I managed to step on the parapet which was as wide as the size of my feet, I began to slowly walked across the pillar that separates his room than mine.

It was a lucky thing that the pillar was not too protruding and wide. The only challenge was to get across the pillar. I had to let my right foot stepped on the parapet of my window first and then let my right hand get hold of my window frame. From behind I will look like as though I was hugging the pillar but that's how I did it. My late brother held on to my hand so tight that I could feel as though he was going to crush my bone. As soon as I managed to get my right hand held on to my window frame, I asked my brother to let go of my left arm. I slowly walked over and I got to my side of the window safely and I just climbed over to my room from there. It was crazy Diary. I still couldn't believe I did that until now. If I had lose my grip, I could have fallen off 8th storey and died probably. My brother did not live long enough to talk about it. I am sure if he had lived longer, we would have laughed about it.

I smiled while I was walking home. Remembering it brought smile to my face and I felt a little better. You know Diary, I have never failed to wonder how would it be if he was still alive. Would he have got married and bear children of his own? Would I have become an aunt to his children? I often wonder and at times, I do imagine that he is still alive. In times of my adversities, I would picture him alive and recall what would he have said to me to keep me going. I miss him Diary. 

I am not feeling too good right now. I am struggling with my career Diary. It is tough. Nobody said that it was going to be easy but nobody also said that it was going to be this mind blowing. I feel that my brain is going to explode anytime soon. Diary, I don't know what to do now. I feel so exhausted.

I am recollecting all the memories I have about my brother and I think I am hearing him back again. I am sad but I am not giving up. As much as how I wonder how it is going to be if he were still alive, I wonder how it is going to be in 5 years time if I just stay on in this industry and keep on doing it without giving up come what may. I am discouraged by what happened to me personally. And it adds on to the miseries and pressures I have in my work. I hate to be feeling this way and what saddens me most is how insensitive people can get. It is so sad to know that the one whom you think is kind is actually evil. I wonder how she is going to feel if she were in my shoes.

I look to you-Whitney Houston official music video (with lyrics)

Hear Me Allah...

Dear Diary,

How I wish so much that I can pray to Allah right now to give me the strength and courage. How I wish so much that I can talk to him right now so that he knows how I feel. How I wish that what I am feeling now is just a dream in one of my many dreams. How I wish I have another soul in my life that I can tell and share.

Give me your hand and let me put it on my chest Diary. Can you feel it now? Yes, it is broken and it's painful. So painful beyond descriptions. So sad till there is no more tears.

Please Allah, hear this prayer of a creature you have created, a lonely soul broken from despair.

Help me Allah, help me please because I know You are closest to those with a broken heart. The flame of love is now just a cold loneliness.

This I Promise You Dad...

Dear Diary,

I went to the office yesterday and submitted my transaction. I had to fill up more forms and I am really digesting the fact that as an agent, I have to start liking form fillings. It is true that there will be many paperworks for agents to do said the CEA lecturer. I figured since he has closed more than 3 thousand cases, he has probably gotten used to it.

I met my Manager and we came up with some strategies for me. I will carry on with my door farming as usual doing 4 blocks a day and I will do my mix and match on the leads and listings that I have and I will probably start to do cold calling in the evening. I will focus more on rental of HDB and private as it is easier to close rental deals and diversify steadily into buying and selling at a later stage. I have to start map out my activities and be discipline and diligent to become efficient. 

I must write down what I want to achieve and paste it on the wall so that it can be visible to me and I will be reminded that this is not a game anymore. It is a battle among who is the fastest, sharpest and most efficient salespeople. I must develop a sales millionaire mindset inside of me. I must push away all the negativities I hear, see and believe and turned them into positivities. The clock is ticking Diary and I remember all the things that I have gone through to be where I am now. I remember the vow I made to myself before I signed up to be an agent. I am recalling the reason why I came back to Singapore. I am remembering myself leaving Subang Jaya with a heavy heart. I picture my parents infront of me. I remember my brothers dead or alive. I see the memories of me with the women I have loved and friends I adored.

They are my life, my honour and my pride. I will be where I am if I do what I have to do. I will reach my destination with my hardworks, patience and prayers. I never stopped praying eversince I came back. I speak to Him after my prayers. I cry sometimes while I talked to Him. I know He listens and there is no one and nothing else that I need to pray to except Him. 

As I was digesting all the motivational tips and experiencing a quiet moment of inspirations, there was a phone call to another agent's phone and Diary, believe me when I tell you this. I have never heard someone who speaks so loud to the phone than he did. All my life I thought my dad is the only person who speaks loudly on the phone but I was just proven wrong. This guy was so loud that I had problem listening to my Manager talking to me. Even my Manager turned his head a couple of times to look at him. I am very sure the whole office can hear him because he was almost shouting. If I were to give you a better picture for you to comprehend, imagine listening to your MP3 at a full blast. Yes Diary it seemed like he had a microphone stuck down his vocal chord or something. Not only that he was short, plump and bald he speaks loudly too. I cannot imagine how his girlfriend would have to tolerate a boyfriend like that. And I also wonder if he speaks that loud in bed...he can really be an explosive to the eardrums.   

Diary, I feel that I must tell you this story even though it happened 2 weeks ago. I sat down at a coffee shop with dad having our breakfast. It was a simple breakfast with simple conversation that has left a deep impact on me. There was no heavy topic or issue in the conversation but I will remember what he said and the look in his eyes when he said it. He told me that someone offered him to be an agent when I was 17 years old but he did not take it seriously. So he continued working until presently. He told me that he probably was afraid to get out of his comfort zone and he said if he had enough courage and guts to leave his salaried job and just be bold enough to join the property industry, he would have been good perhaps. I did not interrupt him when he told me the story instead I heard and listened to him. I understood what he wanted to tell me. I saw the look in his eyes and the regret it reflected.

I was quiet. I nodded to show him I understood him. I wanted to tell him that it is okay. Let me bring to life his dreams and let me live his wishes. I did not promise him anything in return. Perhaps I am slow in giving promises but those that are most slow in making a promise are the most faithful in the performance of it. I quietly promise myself that I will do this for him, my mother, my brothers and for all the love I have on earth. It is an immutable law in business that words are words, explanations are explanations, promises are promises but only performance is reality.

Kings Of Leon - Use Somebody [Lyrics]

My First Deal...

Dear Diary,

I am so sleepy right now that I can just fall asleep while writing to you. I just came back from my viewing appointment and I brought home some honey. It is not that much but it is enough to make me feel motivated and inspired to work even harder and bring more pots of honey back home. After 2 months of slow but steady progress, I finally closed a deal. How do you feel about that Diary? If you are happy for me, I am more happier for myself. Most importantly, I am glad and I feel contented.

To be honest, I kind of felt that I will close the deal tonight because most of the times, it is always easier to close rental deal than sales deal. People who are looking for a place to rent are usually people who have not had much choice to wait. They simply cannot afford to browse. Time is always an issue to them. My tenant is an Indian Singapore PR national and they prefer to be allowed to cook. My owner is a single Malay lady who does not mind if they want to cook. The only thing that I have to emphasize to my tenant is not to have pork in the house. They obliged and things were easy during the signing of agreement.

I have to admit that I tried to be professional as I can and tried not to look clumsy during the filling up of forms. Gosh Diary, there were so many forms to fill up and you know how much I hate filling up forms. If I could afford to pay a personal assistant just to fill up the forms and follow me wherever my appointments are, I would. There are so many particulars that I have to fill up in the forms and at times, I just wished that I can write as fast as a superman. It is sure a misery and uneasy having to fill up the forms while having many pair of eyes looked at you. It was a lucky thing that both of them are my direct clients so I do not have another agent to judge me. You know, senior agents always can tell if you are new in the industry. And if they knew you are new, they will tend to act superior than you and perhaps bully you at times.

It was a good thing that I went to the office first today and got my manager to teach me what should I do to finalise a closure. I got him to tell me what forms to bring and what to emphasise to both the owner and tenants. In other words, I came prepared. Although filling up forms was a bit messy but I believe I did not screw up except for a few minor hiccups. I had to absorbed the GST for my commission from tenant since he refused to pay it. It was about 22.50 dollars and I did not want to make a big deal out of it. What is most important is my clients are happy. I supposed both sides are happy with what they are getting.

The owner told me that it is the first time she is getting a high rental rate for her room. I take that as a compliment and that shows she is satisfied with the price I had for her. I did not promised her a high rate when I went to meet her because that is what all agents do. We never promise the sky and the moon to our prospects. We will always leave some grey areas in our process of negotiation. We know we need to safeguard our reputation and interest because in the long run, most agents depend on referrals to remain in the industry. Referrals play a big part in the lives of agents.

I also realised that in order to be good and keep on earning, one has to be fast like the cheetah, aggressive like the lion and sharp like the leopard. I have lost three serious clients because I was slow in my actions. I did not really know what to do when I had those list and leads. I only depended on one or two sources for my research and I lost out to the more efficient agents. I have learnt my lessons and I have diversified my ways and methods. I am learning the trade Diary.

The minute I got home, my family is the first to know about my closure. I walked to my room feeling satisfied and contented however, at the same time I also felt missing. I wanted to share it with someone who I feel has a connection with me. I finally realised that I have no one and Flying Babe came across my mind. I know things between us have mellowed but I figured I would just let her know. And then I broke the news to the friend without a face who is probably my only friend I share stories with nowadays. I feel happy and contented with a sprinkled of sadness.

The Change That Eases A Rookie

Dear Diary,

I am sure it has not been a week but I have missed you so much  more than what words can explain. There are so many stories I have for you that I do not know how to begin. Forgive me for not writing as I have been busy with my family, my work and of course my newly found friend without a face. How have you been Diary? I hope you are not upset with me for not talking to you.

I have good news for you Diary. It concerns my work and how I am so proud of myself. Finally the hard work and patience paid off. I am not sure if it is too early to say but really I have made some progress. No I have not closed any deals yet but just about 5 minutes ago, I have made 2 viewing appointments. A few days ago, I received three calls from owners who want to rent out a room in their flat and one who has the intention to sell his house. All the farming I have done, I am seeing the results. Yes, I may have not transacted anything yet but I can see it clearly now what hard work and determination can do for me.

I had two 'rooms for rent listings' but I have to admit that I was not fast enough that I lost one because the owner has found himself a tenant. I am left with one now and I have fixed a viewing appointment tomorrow evening at 8pm. Diary, everything that has happened in our lives are all blessings in disguise. If I had not been persistent with determination to carry on with the farming when I was doubtful of the result, I am sure I would not have had those two appointments fixed. It is from farming that I received the calls and it is from the need to look for tenants that I have came across an online portal that gives me leads easily.

You see Diary, I needed to place an advertisement for my listing and therefore I was searching for online property portals that allow me to post an ad. I came across three and guess what Diary? They have ready tenants for me, a long list of it for me to just mix and match their profiles with the requirements of the owners. But of course, these are all paid portals and it was difficult for me at first until I had the courage to ask dad for a loan. Well, I am broke remember? Dad gave me a little more that what I had asked. I banked in the money and registered online with my debit card and a few seconds later I can see all the contacts of the tenants. I was ecstatic. Oh but I have only registered with one portal and I might register some more when I can.

I was glad beyond descriptions Diary. If I had known about this, I would have done this earlier without having a straight mindset about getting leads and listings. All these while, I thought that the only possible way to get listings and leads are from road shows, referrals, farming and circle of people I know around me but I am wrong. Now I know a little about the tricks behind this trade. There are so many things we can get from technologies. Do you know that conventional advertising has become unpopular nowadays? Most agents advertise online. With 'propertyguru' and 'iproperty' marketing their service aggressively, it is no wonder newspaper advertising has become less demanding.

This shows how the world has changed. The globe turns and so do time and trend. Fashion is not the only one that changes. I will keep moving on and forward for I know with the prayers I have made, efforts I have put in and determination I have shown, I will get there someday with or without her. Dear Allah, bless me please...

Little Wonders - Rob Thomas - Lyrics on Screen - (HQ)

Keane - We Might As Well Be Strangers

My Love Literature

Dear Diary,

There are many stories that I hold in my heart. I wish I could easily write it all down to you but I can’t. There are some things in our lives that are better left unsaid, unspoken and untold. I will probably carry the stories I hold in my heart to the grave perhaps, buried together with the mysteries that I have built while I breathed.

Time and again, the game of the hearts has taken over tearing every hopes and dreams. I wish I never would have to feel this way again but I am only human blessed with complete entities of emotions. This is perhaps what everybody must have felt once or twice in their lives. I have tried to leave these stories behind but they will always be in the background following me wherever I go.

The thing about memories is they are intangible and even the power of time cannot erase them from my lives. If I can write all of them down on a piece of paper, shred and burn them so they will not be in my background again, I would. I figure memory is a way of holding onto the things I love, the things I am, the things I never want to lose. People come and go in my lives. I make new friends and meet new people at every stage of my live. Good or bad, they will leave me someday or rather I will leave. At times, I wish I could have stayed but circumstances are too complex that I find myself confuse about situations more than I ever think I was.

And I whisper quietly to myself that I wish I had never have met her because meeting her only reopen the wound that once bled. Perhaps it is only I who should be ashamed for feeling that way. Nobody told me to let the feelings grow at an early stage. But I felt the connection with her even how mysterious she seemed to me. Someone whose charm has touched me at a personal level that I find myself easily submit to her demands. I think I have a heart of steel and metal walls around my heart that even superman cannot come through but I supposed I was wrong.

There is a part of me that yearn for her presence even if it was virtual. That yearn slowly turned into an obsession, I was fascinated by her presence. The more I talk to her the stronger I feel. I can feel my heart smiling. It is strange. I kept looking back at where it all started. I kept drawing the lines but in my head I cannot stop but to question and in my heart I cannot stop but to let it grow. Stop, I told myself. Someone will get hurt if I do not stop myself. Let it be me because I am already hurt and this is probably Karma playing its part again. My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my past actions. They are the ground upon which I stand.

Diary, love is killing me softly now. I expanded with the joy of her love and presence but now that she's gone I just feel bloated. I don’t know her face and we might as well be strangers so I will walk down the path thinking that every woman I saw and encountered could be her. A stranger that has known me and every opinion she has about me seemed to be true. She reads and absorbed, listen and understand, hear and feel. An observer who gives me the chill knocking on the door that leads to my heart. I have nothing but only fear, the lengthened shadow of ignorance. Fear of what I had been in my life love stories. All the broken hearts I have caused. They are all coming back to me now making me feel condemned and lost without aspiration and I am writing because every man’s memory is his literature.