Waiting Is A Torture

Dear Diary,

Waiting is a torture. I am in the midst of writing a business proposal. It is not really that easy is it? I hope my friend does not change his mind when he reads it. And I hope I am shortlisted to receive the government grant for start up when I present it to them. This is my original plan since I came back from KL. I always put it off until today. 

Well, the original plan was to open a nasi campur stall. It was a different product and I was scared. Nasi campur requires lots of expertise and manpower. The product I am thinking now requires less manpower and skills.

The proposal is 50% done. There are still lots of things to write and to think about. I got a letter from HDB yesterday. My housing grant is $15k. I am happy about it, at least that helps to pay off the deposit.  

I am actively chatting with Kajol for the past few days. Don't ask me why. It is probably because she needs the emotional support and I need the motivation. We have been friends since 2006 and we are still friends after all those years. I have known her since she was a law student and today, she is a practising lawyer. 

She had just lost her father recently. I probably feel what she feels but I am not really sure if it is the same. I wonder if losing a father feels the same like losing a brother. I feel sorry for her and if I were there, I probably would sit by her side without saying anything to her. You know, just to make her feel that there is someone who cares.

She is 31 years old now and I can see the woman in her. The thing about old friend is you watch her aged. You can spot the difference in her looks and in her character. I have always like making conversations with her because she is intelligent. Having been a top student in her school, that explains her eloquence. It is easy to talk with her. I do not need to try hard to make her understand. And most importantly, she does not make me wait. She probably knows too that waiting is a torture.

I Know What I Want

Dear Diary,

Do you remember about the things that I want? I have stopped planning. But, I have started doing it. I am following a local businesswoman and I am getting all inspired again. I am a little sad tonight but I am not discouraged. Diary, I have to do it quickly. I have to focus on this project so I can forget her. We do not belong to each other. I have to accept that. It has been more than five years and I wonder when will it stop. 

I have a potential investor and I am working on a business proposal. 

Take care Diary.

My Heart Has Resigned

Dear Diary,

It was a tired Sunday.

I thought I have gotten over her but I just realised that I have not. I have been keeping my feelings all to myself because I thought she would never have someone else again. I felt that I could handle it and I thought perhaps she can wait.

Well, I don't know if what I am assuming is true but I guess she is with someone now. What can I say, what can I do. Love never fails to surprise me when it comes to her. I have had her once but I did not really do a good job. I have nothing to say anymore. I wish I could stop my heart from loving her. I just wish my heart would stop hoping and clinging on to her, clinging to this uncertain love. It is painful.

It is time to let go. I have to try.

New 2-Room BTO Flats for Singles

Yeayyy....I finally am a proud owner of a home!!

Pray

Pray for Gaza, pray for MH17, pray for MH370, pray for unity, pray for humanity, pray for solidarity, pray for peace, anywhere, everywhere for whoever and whatever regardless of race, language or religion.....

Blessed Ramadan For Me

Dear Diary,

We are in the month of Ramadan now and there has not been a day that I have missed fasting. My period has not come and I have to admit I hate it. I hope it comes earlier as the last ten days of Ramadan is considered as the most holiest days of all and I do not want to miss these days of course. Fasting has been easy for me. I do not wake up for sahur but I have been fasting well and good so far. I know I should have woken up for sahur as it is advisable for Muslims but I am simply lazy.

Ramadan this year has been very kind to me and it has brought me three, happy news. Do you remember about a house that I want to buy? After three unsuccessful attempts, I finally made it on the fourth attempt. I could not believe it! I never thought that I would be successful. There are so many competitions and not only do I have to compete agaisnt other singles but I also have to compete with applications that come from families. You see Diary most Singaporeans own homes from the Housing Development Board or as it is better known HDB Flats. These flats although are built by the government and make up about 80% of the housing markets in Singapore, they do not come cheap. The rest of the 20% comes from the private properties market, which comprise of condominiums, apartments and landed properties.

Land is scarce in Singapore. Anything that requires land to be functional will surely cost a bomb in Singapore. For the first time the government has allowed singles to purchase an HDB flat directly from HDB under the single schemes. We never have this scheme before. To purchase an HDB flat directly from HDB has always been the priorities of families or the married couples. Singles were only allowed to buy from the resale market. People like me, welcomes this move by the government. I do no see myself having the chance of owning an HDB flat from the resale market as they are really out of my budget. 

I thank Allah for this rezeki and to make my dream comes true. All I ever wanted in Singapore is an asset and I got it now. The flat is 47 square meters big with 1 bedroom, 1 hall and 1 bathroom. This is really for single, mind you Diary. I have gone to the showflat and I am all excited to furnish my house. Oh yes, this house is only ready in 2018. I am four years away from it, but who cares? The primary thing is to own an asset here remember? I do not need a house urgently. I do not think that my brother has plans to chase me out of this house anytime soon. I have been good living with him. I do the laundry, I wash the dishes, I clean the house and I feed the cats, not to mention I buy them food as well. What more can you ask for from me? 

I have not selected my unit yet but I know what I want. I am going to take the highest floor and of course, it is going to be the most expensive the higher it is. I am not acrophobic. Living in high rise flats give me the feel of being at the summit in the mountains. I just like looking down and I like being high. That is the first good news. Let’s talk about the second good news.

I have gotten a new job in the bank. Yes, I am going back to the banking industry; the one industry that I feel most comfortable. This is not contract position but this is a permanent one. I will have full benefits in any forms. I could not ask for more. The interview was not easy. There were 10 other candidates and I was not thinking of anything when I was there. I felt somewhat resigned. I did not think of getting the job. All I was thinking was to get it over and done with. There was a little hope at a corner of my heart but I refused to pay attention to it as I do not want to be dissapointed. The salary package is good and I would be lying if I were not attracted to it apart from the job scope. This is by far a job, which offers me the best monetary and other benefits in my entire life! 

Flying Babe is happy about it. I shared the good news with her quite late. We do not talk everyday but somehow I feel this is the news that I must share with her. My parents are happy about it. I am happy about it. I suppose it suffices if my parents are happy. They are my responsibilities now and having this allows me to take care of them. Having the financial means simply gives me more opportunities to carry out my responsibilities. Mother is going to retire next year. Father has already retired. I guess I will take over money matters in my household full scale next year.  There are reasons why things happen. Allah listens to our prayers and he knows what we want.  He knows our intentions. Our intentions are secrets between Allah and us, and we cannot lie to him.  

 So, what is the third good news? My housing loan for the flat is approved and this will make the process a smooth one for me. I feel so contented and blessed. Ramadan 2014 has definitely been good to me. Syukur Alhamdulillah!!!       

My Solo Hike

Dear Diary,

I made it alone. The solo drive from JB to Tangkak, the solo hike of Gunung Datuk and the solo drive from Tangkak to Tioman. I made it all alone and it was quite an accomplishment for me. I have never done anything like this alone. I have driven alone from Subang Jaya to Tangkak but I supposed that was natural. Many others would do that too but this time, it was different. I felt a great sense of achievement and I knew I can do it again.

The climb of Gunung Datuk was smooth. There were many hikers and I did not feel alone although I was alone. I ended up climbing with one guy that I met during the hike. He was old and over friendly. He tried to make me feel so comfortable that I got annoyed with him. I honestly felt like kicking him, perhaps watched him rolled down the mountain while munching on my snicker chocolate bar laughing hysterically. That man is one cheeky old man. I swear. 

I took 1 hour and 45 minutes to reach the summit and I can see how I improved so much. This is the second time I climbed the mountain. I took more than 3 hours the first time I climbed it. That was 7 years ago. I did a night hike that time with 3 other climbers. It was fun and more challenging. But this time round I must say that it is even more challenging as I was alone and I only had strangers climbing with me. 

When I reached the summit, it was raining and I was shivering. I did not have any jacket or windbreaker. I did not think it was going to rain. The wind was blowing strongly and when you are up at the summit of a mountain, you have nothing to block the wind so you will feel cold without any extra layers of clothes. I wanted to stay longer up at the summit but I had to go down as I was getting cold. I know how much longer I could take and at that time, I knew if I stayed longer I could have gotten hypothermia. I decided to climb down as fast as I could.

Climbing down was a breeze except that I really wanted to pee and there was not any suitable site that I could do it. Gunung datuk is a steep mountain and the only track that is most comfortable to stand without sliding down is at the track. I cannot be answering nature call in the middle of the track with my pants down. I tried to hold it but it got worst as every step I took going down hurt my bladder. I could feel that the water in my bladder is screaming to get out. It was either I waited and suffer or I let it go regardless of where and how. I had to do it, I knew I was desperate to pee. I came to a spot where I sat on the roots of the trees, without taking off my pants I simply peed. I was alone and I made sure that I would be alone for a good 15 minutes at least. That was the plan. I knew I had to do it but leaving the pants on was a cover up in case some other climbers bumped into me. 

Don’t think that was gross Diary. Desperate times call for desperate measures. That is how you survive in the jungle, in fact, anywhere else. You got to think to solve. Anyway, it was raining on my way down so I knew the rain would have wash the urine off my pants by the time I reached the bottom of the mountain. I was already dirty and sweaty, I did not really care what others would think of how I smell because I knew they could not do any better too.  

I reached the foot of the mountain in 45 minutes and I headed straight to the toilet, wash myself with the icy cold water with my clothes on. I felt as if I was going through some cleansing ritual or something. I bought myself a delicious ramlee burger and a cup of hot coffee. Went to my car and drove back to Tangkak. That is how I did it Diary, my way, my style and I loved it. The next day, I drove to Tioman and it was another chapter of experiencing adventure alone. I will tell you about it soon!!

Semoga Dipermudahkan Segalanya

Hello Diary,

Salam sejahtera. Aku harap sekali yang engkau sihat di sana. Aku sihat alhamdulillah. Cuma sedikit penat dan sedikit risau. Tidak apa apa Diary. Risau aku ini tidaklah serious sangat. Tidak lama lagi mungkin risau aku ini akan hilang. Aku sudah tidak berkerja lagi. Contract aku tamat dan aku tidak mahu menyambung. Aku mahu buat benda lain. Belum tahu apa tapi aku sedang mencari. 

Oleh kerana itu, aku mengambil peluang ini untuk keluar dari Singapura. Hari minggu aku akan mendaki Gunung datuk dan selepas itu aku ke tioman dan vietnam. Aku akan memandu seorang sahaja. Aku agak nervous sedikit. Semuanya aku lakukan seorang sahaja. Di tioman Hipopotamus akan menunggu aku di jeti mersing tetapi aku akan bersendirian pergi ke gunung datuk dan juga ke mersing. Harap harap semuanya akan berjalan lancar untuk aku. Semoga dipermudahkan segala urusan aku. 

Aku sudah habis packing dan backpack aku memang berat. Terasa seperti memanjat gunung. Teringat kembali zaman aku hiking. Memang itulah zaman paling best dalam hidup aku. Dan juga waktu waktu aku tinggal di Subang Jaya. Boleh aku katakan, those were the best years of my life. 

Aku mesti bangun pagi besok. Entah boleh atau tidak aku tidak tahu. Aku terasa seperti malas mahu pergi. Tidak tahu kenapa tapi mungkin sebab aku akan keseorangan nanti. Tidak apa Diary, ini hanya untuk sementara sahaja. Aku yakin ini semua akan berulang lagi kerana sekarang memang aku sendiri sahaja kan. Apa apa yang aku buat semuanya sendiri sahaja. Ini lebih bagus bukan. Barang barang aku sudah siap semuanya. Harap Harap tidak ada yang aku lupa. 

Mungkin aku tidak pergi ke gunung datuks ebab sekarang ini haze sangat teruk sekali di Negeri Sembilan. Gunung Datuk berada di sana dan aku baru sahaja berurusan dengan organiser gunung datuk ini. Dia kata mungkin akan cancel dan aku pun macam putus harapan sahaja sekarang ini. Tidak apalah Diary. Aku tidur dulu ok. Selamat malam. 

Promising Unsuccessful Application

Dear Diary,

My third application for a flat is unsuccesful again. But it is okay as I am not giving up. This time, the email that I got from the Housing Development Board sounds promising. This is because they have probably known that I am serious about it. This is the thing with HDB. Land is scarce in Singapore therefore anything that requires land is expensive in Singapore. Ironically, the most basic essential things of living that use land are houses and transportations. Houses and cars are filthy expensive here. I cannot deny that. I cannot wait for the next launch of housing projects by HDB. I will apply again and let us see what the result is. They have a launch in Yishun for singles and I am definitely will go for it. 

I am excited Diary. I received a call today about a job. They are going to arrange an interview for me. Alhamdulillah. I wish and hope that I will get this job as this is probably the job that I will like. They called me for a phone interview first I supposed. Nowadays, it is always like that. Interviewers will interview you on the phone to hear your voice and how you speak on the phone. They will study your phone etiquette and from there they will decide. It is tougher now to find a job as there are many obstacles that you have to go through. Apart from competing with fellow Singaporeans, you also have to compete with foreigners. I do not have anything against them but this is the reality in Singapore nowadays. Happy or not, you have to live with it. 

I was once a foreign talent too in another country except that I owned my business and so there was not any competition for me about the job but there were many competitions in business perspectives. There were many unhealthy competitions and I did not like it. I can say that my few years in business there brought many schooling to me. I learnt a lot from the streets and I know I can never get that kind of experience and knowledge in any top universities in the world. Experience, like respect has to be earned. If I get this job Diary, I would be so grateful to Allah. Things are going smoothly for me. In shaa Allah.