dear diary, according to the calendar it is 14 more days to aidilfitri and my family has not made any grand preparation for it. i spent the weekend helping my mum cleaned the kitchen. we rearranged the glasswares and cutleries and we threw away all those unused and unwanted tablewares. it was very tiring and confusing cos i think mum has got many tupperwares than tablewares. she's just so crazy about tupperwares that i reminded her not to buy anymore. it's taking up a lot of space and we almost run out of it.
mum said that she wants to bring over most of the tablewares and tupperwares back to our house in malaysia once it is ready. the house project is still put on hold pending further plannings and negotiations. it has been her dream to build a house there. the land is inherited from my late grandma and it is divided into 4 plots. mum got her share and she's been saving to have a house there.
it all started from grandma, when she asked mum to have a house built there. grandma said that if mum does not build a house there, she will never set her foot there in the future. it's true to some extent because the house left by grandma after she died has been taken over by my greedy auntie. it was pathetic, i still remember the surprised we had when we came home to visit grandma's cemetery. we got to grandma's place at 3 in the morning and we were welcomed by a motorcycle parked in the house when we opened the door. we were all shocked and dumbfounded only to realised that the house late grandma left was rented out by my auntie without our knowledge. she didn't even have the decent courtesy to let us know. we had nowhere to go so we just explained to the tenant and we slept in the kitchen. i felt so humiliated.
i was more dissapointed than surprise because my auntie, an educated woman with good background would do such a thing and it's all about wealth. it's sad because in the event of someone else's death, fighting over his/her estate is something disgraceful and despicable. since then, mum and mak utih are determine to build a house there of their own. there is no place for us to seek shelter anymore when we come home and building a house of our own is the only option. i used to hear grandma said that no matter how small or big the land is, no matter how rich or poor a man is, no matter how old or new a house is, to live in his own home on his own plot of land is something that everybody must achieved. somehow, i guess she is right. there is nothing greater than to have something your own that you have work hard to achieve.
grandma has been living alone since she got divorced from grandpa. she went back to her hometown in muar and settled there alone. she made her own living selling clothes and jewellery to villagers. she was so independent and strong-willed. i have heard that she was very thrifty and she saved hard on every penny she earned. she was a small time businesswoman, trading and doing business based on guts and instincts with sincerity and honesty as principles. she had no proper educational certificates nor did she has any business background but she still made it regardless of her shortcomings. what even impresses me is she could afford to buy a piece of land with her own hard earned money. this woman is amazing. she is what we call today the iron lady with extraordinary women power. i admire her guts and glory, i admire her strengths and will and most of all i admire her perseverance and determination. she is definitely one woman i will look up to for motivations and inspirations.
it was a sad weekend when i helped mum cleaned the kitchen. we cleaned the kitchen thoroughly and most of my late brother's medicines were kept in a big container in the kitchen. there was a packet of nestum mum bought for him just days before his death. it was unopened and still kept in the plastic bag from the supermarket. he couldn't eat anymore solid food so mum bought the nestum for him. when we were cleaning, we came upon the packet of nestum and mum cried when she saw it. she told me she had bought it for him but he left too soon. i tried so hard to hold back my tears, i didn't want to cry infront of my mum. i didn't feel good crying with her because i know she is coping with his death too and how can i cry when i am expected to be the strong one?
it's so heartbreaking and so sad. i try not to think about it but missing him and thinking about him is undeniable. he's a part of me and i know he is alive in me. i will have to live on without him and i know i will cry for him every now and then till i breath my last breath. i am working hard to achieve my goals for a better and comfortable future. i am sure my brother will like it and encourage me to work even harder. that's what he would do for me. i know that my success will be his success too and i will try to hear his voice whenever i am down because it gives me strength and most of all comfort that i have always missed since he was gone. please God, blessed me and my hard work for a better tomorrow in duniawi and ukhrawi...for myself and for all my loved ones...
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