finding my home...

Dear diary,

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I might be moving to a new house with ash and I can’t wait for the day to come. I feel excited about the idea having an opportunity to live on my own in a place I can call my home. Living in the hostel does not work for me because I feel so suffocated here. I hate the environment and the people here. I often imagine if I have a place on my own, I would cook myself a sumptuous dinner, watch the TV as long as I like, do my laundry without having to worry if I have enough coins to feed the washing machine so that it can spin and wash my clothes and I can do whatever I like at home.

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The place where I might be living is far from my school but that is no concern to me cos I am not going to study there forever. I might change to a new school in a year or two’s time. This school is fine to me but I just don’t feel comfortable studying in it. There are so many reasons why is that so but I just would like to keep my thoughts reserved to myself.

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I have asked ash if her girlfriend is okay about me being her future housemate. I just have to make sure if she is fine with the idea of ash living with her ex girlfriend. Well, nobody can deny that we have had a history before and it’s kinda risky living in with your ex girlfriend and it can be worrying for her current girlriend.

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Somehow I feel that ash is not telling me the truth but I chose not to push her anymore. As long as she has answered my question regardless whether it is the truth or not, that suffices to me. I meet ash regularly and we often text each other when we are free. She always have time for me even if meeting me would create a small fight between her girlfriend and she. I feel bad sometimes. I was out with her this afternoon and we were just planning to treat ourselves to ice cream when her girlfriend called.

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While we were walking, she was so busy with her mobile phone sending short messages to only god knows who. She called me and I knew she’s going to give me a bad news. She told me she had to leave cos her girlfriend was waiting for her at a place nearby. As much as I wanted her to stay, I couldn’t stop her so I let her leave. She seemed to be feeling guilty about it all. Even after she has left me, she text me and apologised. I really didn’t mind actually but what bothers me is, did her girlfriend hate the idea of ash and I going out together? I really don’t know diary, but I just hope ash and her girlfriend do not fight because of me. I should probably just lay low from ash for awhile.