Good Will Hunting (What do you really want)

What do you want to do?

Rob Thomas - Someday Lyrics

You want something. Go get it. Period.

Miley Cyrus - I Hope You Find It [HQ + Lyrics]

Kris Allen - The Vision Of Love

Someone told me to listen and understand this song...

Michael Jackson - Hold My Hand Duet ft. Akon

AYAH DAN IBU with lyrik SUDIRMAN

Sayang Ayah dan Emak......

How I Feel On First Day of Ramadan

Dear Diary,

It is the first day of Ramadan today and I am already dreaming of drinking a can of chilled coke. I started the day with 'sahur' and then I slept some more for a few hours. I did my laundry and house cleaning. I changed my bed sheet and did another round of laundry. It was a sweaty day to begin with and I could only think of a can of chilled coca cola. Yes, it was a test and my imagination started to get wild. 

While I was doing my laundry, I noticed there were a few drops of water coming from the apartment upstairs. The water drops seemed to come from a hand washed clothes that was not so well dried. It is different when you use the washer to spin dry the clothes. The clothes are damp but there will not be a drop of water coming from them after hang. I knew this could be the case of hand washed clothes. As I watched the window, the droplets became more and fast. I brought in my clothes and noticed that there were a few patches of water on them. 

I tried to look out of the window but the sun was glaring and I decided to check from downstairs. I was a bit irritated as it is simply inconsiderate for people to do this. I had not showered and my hair looked like I had ridden on a motorcycle without a helmet at 150 km/h. I combed my hair to make it look neat, washed my face and brush my teeth. I went downstairs and looked at where it was coming from. It was from the tenth floor. I took the lift and pressed number 10. In my mind, I was wondering who it could be as this kind of thing had long been uncommon. People have become civic minded and considerate nowadays. There are many campaigns organised by the government to combat issues like this.

When I was young, I remember how the lifts and staircases in flats are usually vandalised with graffiti and human's urine. I recall how my mother used to have the same problem of water dripping onto our freshly washed clothes hang outside the kitchen's window because some neighbours living above us did not have the common sense to even think of simple physics like that. It really does not take a genius to figure that. Singaporeans dry their clothes like that. The government provided us with bamboo poles's holes outside the kitchen window so we can insert the bamboo there. We air and sun dry our clothes like that. Every Singaporean knows that and repeatedly we are aware not to throw any rubbish outside the window or hang the not so dry clothes if they are going to drip water. So who could this be?

Perhaps it must be some foreigners living here, as there has been mass influx of them. I got to the house and the outside of the house looks neat and tidy. Even tidier than mine. Shoes are placed on shoe racks but there were not many of them. I had the impression that this house could have a tidy, well-mannered civic-minded people living in them. I did not see any doorbell so I knocked on the door. No one answered. I knocked again harder. Still, no one answered. I knew someone must be inside otherwise the clothes would not be outside hanging. I did not show any signs of leaving. I was very adamant to educate these people. I saw the peephole and I looked at it. I could tell that its occupants peeped at the hole but simply did not want to answer the door. I knocked again even harder. It was a good 3 minutes until a young man with pimples on his face opened the door. The door made a cracking sound and I could tell that the house is clean. He just opened the door a little. 

Now I did not want to start at the wrong foot so I had to ask him politely as I could be wrong that this was the house responsible. 

"Hi, do you have a purple cloth or something hangs outside your window?" I asked.

"Hang on, let me check..." He immediately closed the door and perhaps went to the kitchen to check. He must have thought that I dropped my purple cloth from my window and it was stuck in his I figured.

I waited for quite some time and I begin to wonder if this man is going to open the door back or not. He did and he said it was just a purple blanket of his.

"Is it dripping water?" I asked not trying to sound accusing but just wanted to give him the reason why I was there. 

"I live a few stories under your apartment and I think it is dripping water onto my clothes. Can you remove it please?" I sounded polite but firm. Upon hearing that I immediately saw, the expression in his face to say that he just realised his mistakes. He apologised to me and promised to remove it. I thanked him and walked away, while walking, he managed to let out a small shout of apology to me. I looked back and smile. That was not so bad I thought to myself. 

When I got home, there was no more water dripping. I took out my laundry once again to dry and I feel good that it all turned out well. You see the thing about living in a society is that, we sometimes forget what our actions can do to others. Unless we live in the world alone, it is up to us what we do, as our actions have no consequences upon others. I suppose that is why the idea of living alone always fascinates me, no one to bug me and I have all the space and privacy in the world to myself. 

Mother and I are still not talking and I am ready for anything come what may. I feel a little left out especially during 'buka' at the dining table. Everybody talk about everything except me. Well, what do I have to talk about Diary? I have nothing to share except my failures. They do not even know that I ended myself in a warehouse trying to make a living. I earn so little that I cannot even buy myself toiletries. I would say that if the family were a fruit, it would be an orange, a circle of sections, held together but separable - each segment distinct. At that point, of time, I wish I were back in Subang Jaya living alone all by myself. I miss living there very much. No one would understand how I feel. I supposed some things are better left unspoken.

Chasing It While Stumbling Upon Family Relationship

Dear Diary,

It is Thursday and I have one more day before the fasting month begins. Ramadan starts on Saturday and that means there will be no more water breaks for me while working. I am not quite sure how it is going to feel like working in the warehouse without any water but I think I can manage. I have done other more challenging jobs before during Ramadan and to compare that with the warehouse, it is nothing. It can get very thirsty in the warehouse, as it is not air-conditioned. You tend to feel dehydrated and heaty. I have not felt that yet because my job is to scan. I have my own station and I do not have to walk much unlike the pickers. Even though my job only requires me to stand all day, it still can make me feel very thirsty. 

I had lunch with Mouse deer today instead of my usual lunch friend whom I call Aunty. Aunty wanted to have McDonalds but I did not feel the same. McDonalds is farther than the canteen and I do not want to walk that far. Besides, she went with two other of my colleagues who I am not comfortable. I would describe them as the louder people in the warehouse. I do not want to be awkward during my free time at work. 

I suppose it is a blessing that Ramadan is around the corner as I am low in cash. At least I can save whatever I have now until my next pay check. This job is stress free however, it does not allow me to spend luxuriously, and in fact, it does not allow me to buy all my toiletries. I must watch what I am spending and that includes buying a cheap ice cream which costs less than a dollar than a chocolate éclair which is a dollar fifty. I have to think twice before spending and I have set a certain amount of money for lunch, which I cannot overspend. That is how I live my life now. I have to admit I have no stress at work nowadays but the money issues are getting a bit of a bother. 

I have not been taking dinner at home because I am somewhat awkward, as mother and I are still not talking. It has been a week now. I do not know how and where to begin. I guess she is feeling awkward too but I know both of us have the word EGO stamped on our forehead. I am very sorry about the situation and I am regretting it a bit at how I handled things. I do not mean to be rude or ungrateful but it is simply awkward you know. I hope you know how I feel. I am not very expressive physically and I wanted so much for things to be as normal between mother and I. My tongue is tied to apologise and I am the kind of person who likes to let nature takes its course. It is not easy and I do not like it at all. 

I always believe that children who do not live under the same roof with their parents would have a better relationship with their parents. Distance apart makes them have less communications and meetings. Less meetings and communications lead to fewer tensions among family members as families are like fudge - mostly sweet with a few nuts. If I were given a chance to be apart, I would do it again. I love my family and they are always in my prayers but I do not want to feel useless and guilty of situations. It makes me feel lousy. One thing I realise about family quarells is they are bitter things.  They do not go by any rules.  They are not like aches or wounds; they are more like splits in the skin that will not heal because there is not enough material. Oh never mind Diary...I know one day I will talk to mother again. I just hope she knows I did not mean to be rude to her and I love her more than I love myself. She must know that!

I have started to make plans for what I am going to do after my contract ends with the warehouse. I am going to do it on my own Diary. I have told myself to stop depending on people for hope. People can only get excited for a while and their excitement will vanish in thin air as soon as I stop talking to them about the business plans. It is my dream and only mine alone. I cannot make them believe in my dream. I cannot make them feel like how I feel about it. It is going to be a long way but if I just focus, I know I will get there with or without them. I have decided to take control of my dream from this moment on. Whatever I have read about business helps me a lot to get through this phase again. While saving for it, I learn from whatever I can. I read, I listen and I watch from movies, books and documentaries. It makes me a little better equip in terms of theories. From the practical aspects, I have gotten them from my four-year stay in Subang Jaya. 

Things happen for reasons and we all know that God does not test us more than we can handle. I guess it is normal for me to be facing this. I still have moral support from people I am with. I would not be so bold and adamant on wanting to start this if it had not been for my experience back in Subang Jaya. I have realised that now. If I make it there, I hope that would put a smile on my mother's face. I love her so much although I get annoyed with her principles sometimes. I know I have not been a good child to her but I hope when I pray, God will listen to my prayers for her and dad. 

The Day When The Giraffe Made an Outburst

Dear Diary,

My day has been fine except for a shock I had while scanning the items. Remember Giraffe I told you about? She works near my scanning station and she made an outburst just now which shocked and puzzled everyone else especially Mouse deer and I. Giraffe was teaching a new staff to scan and apparently, this Tortoise is slow in learning and he does not pay attention during the on the job training. Giraffe is a naturally impatient person (I thought I am impatient but wait until you meet Giraffe).

Tortoise is learning how to scan for three days continuously and unwillingly, Giraffe is his trainer. After the many mistakes and lack of interest Tortoise shows Giraffe, she could not handle it anymore and yelled at Tortoise at the top of her lungs. I was stunned. I did not turn around to look because I do not want to create any attention. I continued with my scanning and gave Mouse deer an eye signal not to look. It was unexpected. I told you how the people in the warehouse behave. They are so much bolder and loud than the colleagues I had in the banks I worked. I supposed I have so much adjusting to do.

After the team leader took over the situation, I spoke a few words of empathy to Tortoise. He seemed to handle it well. He seemed unaffected and I thought it was cool. It is probably because he is a man I supposed. I started to imagine if I were in his shoes, what I would do. I probably will stay quiet and merely apologies for the mistakes but I will never respect Giraffe as a good trainer perhaps. I have been working there for a full two weeks now and all I can say about her is she practices favouritism.

She chooses people she wants to be close. She practices double standard. She becomes nasty with people she does not favour, to name a few; Mouse deer, Blurry and the latest 1 to the addition is Tortoise. I see through her and I definitely do not want to get too comfortable with her. She is friendly and nice to me but I know it is merely because I portray myself as someone independent. I am quick to learn and I do my job carefully trying to make as little or zero mistakes.

I always work together with Mouse deer and she seems comfortable with me. I am the scanner and she is the packer. I have never lost my patience with her neither has my temper tick while working with her. Mouse deer’s personality may be as straight as a perfect ruler may and she may come from a special education school but she has good work ethics and that is something I respect about her. Just about today, I found out that her grandfather passed away last night and yet she is present at work today. When I asked why she did not take the day off, she told me it would be a waste, as she would lose a day's salary, which resulted in less salary. I supposed she has this typical Chinese attitude about work and money. I used to have that kind of mentality when I was in the bank. One day of absence affects my total volume of sales and I swear to God I had a full perfect attendance throughout my contract.

When I had my business in Kuala Lumpur, my attendance was perfect too for the first six months of running the business. In one of the books, I read business owners should go to the field and learn as much about their business as possible rather than leaving it to the staffs to run it. Start the business from scratch and participate in everything about the business at the early stage and as the business progresses, keep participating.

Mouse deer has begun to open up to me. She is chattier with me now and I think she has gotten comfortable with me. We work well together even the team leader agrees and occasionally Giraffe would come to our station and tried to intimidate her just for the fun of it. I guess Giraffe merely wants to be playful but deep down inside I disrespect her for that. She seems to be bullying and picking the weaker staffs and I do not like it. Why can't she just leave them alone? Giraffe tries a couple of times to ask me to join her for lunch but I politely decline.

The Manager has offered me a full time position in the warehouse last week. I asked him for a week to think about it. I appreciate it but I am not interested. It is the monetary rewards. The full timers here work five days a week from eight to six in the afternoon. However, they have to commit to overtime everyday of the week and that includes Saturdays. They bring home two or three hundreds more than a thousand dollars net. To compare that with what I earn in the banks, it is just a fraction. I like the job because it is stress free. I can adapt to the atmosphere but I certainly cannot settle with that kind of money.

I am in a tight spot. With the news recently, I know I am certainly in need of a full time job but I need to save for the stall. I have to do it myself and I have stopped myself from hoping to get the loan approved. It is taxing and it has caused me a lot of disappointments and perhaps some misunderstandings. I do not know how to explain to you. All these while, I have been hoping and waiting. It is not easy, as I have to be dependent on people. I cannot do it on my own so I feel helpless to a certain extend. I do not have the papers under my name. It is on somebody else's name and that makes it even more difficult for me to be aggressive in the loan applications. I have decided to try to make it happen my way and that means I have to wait again and longer this time.

I can always go back to the bank but I know I cannot handle the stress. I am so, so worn out that I want to call it quit. However, it is just my mind playing with my heart. I want to be by myself for some time now. Take care Diary. *hugs*

I Still Have Something To Be Proud Of

Dear Diary,

Work is good today. Since I have been working here, I have notice that I have not been stressed over anything. I take things as they are and I live on a day to day basis. I take things at a time and I do not get work up over things at work because there is nothing that I have to worry about at work. It sure feels like a teenager again during my school vacation where I worked part time. The money is not a big deal. I can hardly survive but I have enough to pay my bills and my car. I cannot live luxuriously. Working like this makes me watch how I spend my money as I do not have the liberty to spend unnecessarily anymore. 

Mom and I are still not talking and that makes it feel awkward to be at home. I try to stay late at work for as much as I could everyday but ironically I can't. Time and again I try to be patient with things at home especially with mom. I know she is watching and observing me. I guess she somewhat knows that I have quit from the bank and have landed myself in some odd job because of how I wear to work nowadays. I do not give a damn anymore. I am tired of having people to tell me what and who I am. I am also sick of people reminding me of all my failures. It is okay Diary. I have lived with my failures for 35 years and I am still hanging on. I know some people will only judge you based on your failures alone. Frankly, I do not give a fuck anymore. 

I have given up trying to impress and please mom. I do not try hard anymore because I know I do not have to. I have been reading lots of books, mostly business books on successful business people around the world. The owner of starbucks Howard Schultz had to try 225 times convincing people to invest in his ideas of a chained coffee shop. He never gave up until he became successful. I do not know how long do I have to try. I guess I will keep on trying until I die. Yes, it is not easy and I am simply reading those books to keep motivating myself. 

I am not sure when do I get to make my parents proud of me but I guess I have to stop myself from trying because the more I try the more I struggle. The television in my room is finally broken and that leaves me with only my ipad and books to keep me entertained. I have to buy a new television but money does not come easy anymore. I can wait but it sure can be bored without the television. 

Hello Kitty and I have discussed about what we are going to do if our loan application get rejected again. We came up with Plan B and that makes me drift away a little from my dreams. I am a little angry at things but I do not know how to express myself not even in writing. There are so many regrets that I have in myself. I have made many wrong decisions. I could have easily started my business here if only I had known what I wanted to do when I came back here but I overlooked myself. 

I watched The Pursuit of Happyness on youtube the other night and it kept me awake until one in the morning. Chris Gardner is a millionaire now. Looking at his journey, he is surely one hell of a survivor. I do not have his sheer desire to succeed but I know I am unemployable nowadays because all I want now is to be my own boss. I cannot stay put in one job. I cannot be contented with the kind of job I have. I cannot keep my job. Period. 

Diary, at times I wonder if Hello Kitty would give up on me. She seems to be living the perfect life now. She has a job that she can make a career out of it. She is paid handsomely and her bosses acknowledge her work. I am happy for her while I look at myself in the mirror and all I can afford to do is grin. Well, I know deep down inside her she is studying me but she is so careful with her words and attitude with me that I hardly notice it. But how long can a person be careful with things? You can say wrong things in a conversation and one thing can lead to another. But then again misunderstanding can happen and it takes an explanation to make you understand. 

Just about two days ago we were talking about people in our lives and I cannot help but to compare myself with them. I have always thought that I have nothing but to compare myself with them, at least I can say I am better off than them. I am in between jobs let alone a career. How much I got, whenever I can I try to share it with my parents and I guess that makes what I earn blessed. Someone told me before that it is not important of what I make, it is the leftovers that matter and what I do with the leftovers. 

I may not have a career or a business yet and I do not earn a four figure salary anymore nowadays but I can still keep my car and share that little piece of wealth I have with my family no matter what they think of me and how much failures I have in my little black book. I am going to make it there. I know I will and I must make it there. I promise you.

My Bad Cold Sunday

Dear Diary,

It is a Sunday and ironically, I have to be up by six to send mom to work. She is in the morning shift. I scrambled out of bed when I heard knocks on my door. I had a quick shower and got ready as fast as I could, as I knew mom would not like to be late for work. She is like that and everybody knows that. If you are late fetching or sending her, she could give you a sermon about that and at that point of time I sure feel like shoving up a cucumber into her mouth for that matter. It annoys me as I find her too much at times. She can never compromise on anything and that makes me even more disengage from her.   I guess I have somewhat got exhausted of her personalities. 

Dad and I went to Johor Bahru after that. We had breakfast there and did what other Singaporeans do when they are in JB; we pumped petrol into the car. Dad brought me to this car wash and I immediately fell in love with its concept. Nothing very outrageous about this carwash but it has facilities that could attract many customers. It has a café where patrons can sit for coffee or tea and even for light meals. The café serves drinks as well as food. It has wireless internet service and it has a small provision shop inside the café. I like the carwash and I knew, this would be the kind of carwash I would run if I have the opportunity to open one in Kuala Lumpur

We came home at half past ten and I took a nap. I was dead beat and I kind of got unhappy that I couldn’t spend my weekend being lazy at home. Somewhere deep inside I knew I would snap at anything soon. I woke up at noon and started to do my laundry. I needed to wash my socks. You know Diary, I have to wear safety boots at work and I need many pairs of socks. Some of them in the warehouse do not change their socks and everytime they change their shoes, the unpleasant smell of smelly feet and socks invades the air. That smell reminds me of my schooling days. I try to change my socks everyday because I know I would be just like one of them who have smelly feet if I do not. 

The thing about working in the warehouse, people are rowdy and rough. Eventually, you have to be one too to survive. I start work at eight and I have noticed the difference in the crowds. Most of them are blue collar workers. They rush for the train like there is no tomorrow. They talk loudly on the trains to each other. It is different working in the banks. The crowds are civilised a little and I speak good English with them. In the warehouse, I speak a mixture of broken English and street Malay. They are mostly Malaysians so they can speak Malay, which I always find a good thing. 

I fetched mom at half past two in the afternoon and then we went for lunch. I thought I could head straight back home after lunch but no, my parents wanted to go to the beach. They did not want to go home. This is my parents. They like to go places and I swear it can be demanding at times because they may be financially independent but they are dependent when they want to go places. There is a feeling of regret I have in me. I thought mom would be independent once she would have her license but no. It is just the same. I brought them to Sembawang Beach and we sat there for a while. I bought ice cream for them and we walked to the beach.   

The beach was undergoing some upgrading works and many parts of the beach were blocked thus there were not many places to hang out. We finally settled at one part of the beach. Mom brought her novels and she did her reading. Dad sat and admired the beach while I sat dreaming of becoming my own boss. There were a couple of stray cats. They might have survived from the leftover of food from the nearby restaurants I thought. The cats look clean even though thay are stray. We spent about an hour and a half at the beach and then went home. 

While at home, I was preparing myself to fetch my brother from the bus terminal. I was already feeling a little unhappy about my weekend. To make things worst mom knocked on my door. I opened the door and she asked what time do I want to leave to fetch brother. Do you remember Diary in the earlier part of this entry I told you that I might snap at little silly things soon, yes, that was it. I was upset as I have to spend my weekend like any other working days waking up early from bed. I have to fetch this person, and then send that person and then fetch that person again and send that person againand as if those were not enough, I have to go here and there because other people want to go to places. I was angry. I was like a bull waiting to charge at anybody who come in my way. 

When mom asked me that, I answered her firmly. There was a strong resentment in my voice and she told me off immediately telling me that she still rules the house and holds the crown of the fiercest woman in the house. I threw my ipad on my bed to show her my dissatisfaction. Since then, she and I are not talking to each other. So there goes my weekend.

The Brother Whose Priority Is His Hobbies

Dear diary,


I woke up at six today, took my shower and sent my brother to the bus terminal. He is going to Port Dickson for a triathlon race. In case I have not told you, my brother is an avid triathlete now. He has been running, swimming and cycling since two years ago. He has not got sick of it instead I have. Since his involvement in the sports he has been coming home late and spending most of his free time with that. He showed very little interest with what is going on at home. During the midst of moving to our new home, he simply did not care about packing the stuffs. I had to do it most of the time. At that time, I just came back from my four years stay in Kuala Lumpur and had not really decided what to do next. Time was definitely on my side and he took it for granted.


I kinda got upset with everything. He totally left almost everything to me. I had to find the movers, I had to find the buyers, I had to find the new home, I had to pack, I had to think of solutions to get cash for the upfront payment of the new home and I had to unpack once we have moved in. As if those are not enough, I had to organise the stuffs at the new home. Of course mom and dad helped me with some other matters but really Diary, they are old and I am the youngest among them. I am supposed to be the energetic one.


The carrying, loading and unpacking of the boxes were mostly done by me. I was totally exhausted and I honestly think that I have drained almost all of my energy including the reserved ones. I got sick for a week. I came down with fever, cough, flu and sore throat. All four in one and I got three days medical leave. I was angry but I kept the anger to myself. Unlike the old house, this new house solely belongs to my brother and I am living in the new house out of his goodwill. Otherwise, I really have nowhere to live. Now you know how desperate I am to start my own business so I can financially stabilised myself here. I must Diary because anything can happen in the future. I had it planned but I have not got the opportunity to execute it.


My brother is not a bad person. He is a brother with brain and compassion but he can be oblivious to his surroundings. I have seen the difference in him since his engagement in the sports; he prioritise his hobbies more and that is very upsetting. Mom often reminded him and voices out her dissatisfaction to me, but I chose to simply listen to her. I did not want to add fuel to the fire because I know, she would be more than willing to take to heart my bad attitude than my brother's. I had given up being vocal about things at home. I take a different approach nowadays. I prefer to remain silent and keep things to myself. Perhaps I simply have had enough of giving in or maybe I am just feeling like that without any basis because I know how sensitive I can be.


I still hope that I can achieve my dreams someday somehow. No matter how long it takes, I know I will if there is still hope in my heart or just a glimpse of hope. I do not know for sure when it will finally materialised but the hope that I have shall aid me through the days I have left to live.

What I have Become

Dear diary,

I went to Mustafa Centre with my family tonight. Mum text me and said she is not cooking. I knew we were going out for dinner and I knew it would be more than just dinner. We had curry fish head and I had an onion and egg prata. Dad and mom had nasi beriyani each. I did not want to have rice, as it was somewhat late. Dinner was good and after that, we headed straight to Mustafa Centre. Mom wanted to do grocery shopping and I wanted to tell her how much I hate to do grocery shopping there. I would only go to Mustafa Centre if I want to buy electronic, perfumes or watches but never would I go there on my own to buy groceries. The place is simply crowded not with locals but with foreigners, mostly Indians from India. It is a big place and it has extended its wings. Mustafa centre has everything from kitchen utensils to gold bracelet and rings. You name it you got it. 

The grocery department of Mustafa Centre is where irritates me the most. People walk with trolleys and baskets and believe me it can drive you up the walls. The aisles are narrow and there are just so many things in that place. At every corner, you can find things put on display. The width of the aisle is only about 1.5 meters some aisle are even smaller. Therefore, you can imagine what it is like to walk with your trolleys or baskets into a crowd in that place. I do not understand why mom likes to do her grocery shopping there so much. It is simply madness and time wasting. 

It is difficult to browse for your groceries because when you do so, you might be hogging or holding up the crowd. You have to have lots of patience in that place and not to mention plenty of free time. You cannot be in a hurry or a rush otherwise you will become late simply trying to shop. The cashiers are at an ungodly section of every floor. If you are so used to the other hypermarkets like Giant, Carrefour, Tesco, Cold Storage and Jusco, you will find that Mustafa Centre is so disorganised, messy and disoriented. It is like there was not any proper planning for everything. It is no wonder why it was forced to close for a period of time as it has been found by the authorities that it did not meet the standard safety criteria. One of it was the emergency exits are mostly blocked. The situations improved after that and people simply keep coming back as they find shopping there is perhaps exciting and fun. I find it like that too but not at the grocery sections of that place.

Mom did the finding of stuffs while I stood at a corner to wait for her with the trolley. I got tired of standing and I began to lose my patience with my surroundings especially mom. There I was involuntarily wasting my time accompanying my mom at the most inconvenient supermarket. I was sleepy and tired from the day’s work. I had been standing all day and I felt stupid having to stand like that when I could be sleeping in my bed or I could be writing to you at the comfort of my home. 

Just when my temper is building up, mom came and we paid for the groceries. I was tired but I did not show mom any signs of it. I knew she has her reasons for doing it. I simply have to tolerate but I do not have a high tolerance level. Mom knows that. I take after her a lot so she should know. She must know because we have practically been living under the same roof for 35 years. 

She probably knows I have all her traits. I am the younger version of her. She passed down her fiery and hostile temper. She blessed me with her sense of impatience. She completes me with her stubbornness. I grew up watching her. I am she. Many times Hello Kitty has reminded me of that and I quietly resent it. I do not like that, as I know how unpleasant it can be to watch my mom lose her temper at trivial silly things that is not even worth that temper. I felt sickened to know that I am slowly becoming her. 

I Am A Kind Scanner

Dear Diary,

Work is good today and I am getting along fine with the surroundings and atmosphere. I was given a bigger responsibility but I think I can handle it. The responsibility is to be a scanner for the products to be packed away for deliveries. I have to make sure that every item to be delivered is scanned correctly into the system and the correct boxes are used. 

It looks difficult on the surface but it is easy once you get the hang of it. I was partnered with Mouse deer and it was good until a senior staff snapped at her for asking questions too many times. I felt sorry for her because I knew she only wanted to be sure, of what she was supposed to do. You see Diary; Mouse deer is from a special school. Now when I say special it means, she is from a school of the less 'smart' children. Her IQ level is below the standard most people have. Thus, she has difficulty understanding instructions unless you explain those instructions to her as if she is a five year old. 

I am new to scanning therefore; I need a packer who knows what kind of boxes for each product. Mouse deer could not help me with that although she has been a packer for a month. Because of that, a senior staff snapped at her for asking questions she was supposed to know the answers. I pretended not to hear anything when it happened but really, Diary, I felt sorry for her. I guess she was merely a victim of an impatient staff who expects her to be a fast learner. Perhaps that staff should have put herself in Mouse deer’s shoes before setting her expectations. 

I tried to be helpful to Mouse deer but I can only do so much as I am still very new to the job. I supposed however hot tempered I am, there is still some sense of patience in me. I tried to talk to Mouse deer not to take the incident to heart. I told her that it will happen anywhere and to simply take it easy. She understood me but I can see that she was afraid of that staff. Well Diary, to someone timid like Mouse deer, anything can be scary. She does not know how to talk back and all she does is to apologies repeatedly which can be quite annoying at times. I perfectly understand the situation. 

Anyway, how are you Diary? I have missed you and I want to talk some more but I am sleepy and tired. I am writing to tell you that you have not been forgotten and I have always thought about you when I am alone. You have been my diary and you will always be regardless how often I write to you. I love you Diary, please take care.