Dear Diary,
I went out walking aimlessly at
the wet market near my house. I saw two shops that are up for rent. I called
the agents immediately to ask for the price. One is at $2,400 and the other one
is at $1,700 exclusive of utilities. I was supposed to do something but I got
sidetracked and ended up doing something else instead. The idea just came and
it was spontaneous. I knew that was what I wanted to do but I did not think
that I would skip doing that one thing that was of most important simply to
check out the shops.
I was excited. I started to
imagine things and envision the future when I have the shop to myself. It was
okay at the beginning but when I started to realise the hassle and trouble I have
to go through, I allow reality to sink in. I text Tiger and told her of my
intentions. Tiger was positive about things. A few days back, she told me of a
half shop that is up for rent near her house in Sepang. She suggested that I
make a comeback and try it out there. I was afraid to commit because I knew I
am going to be in Malaysia and I will be all alone. I do not even know who is
going to be my business partner. Running a restaurant is not an easy task.
There are lots of work to be done. I declined the offer. I wanted to stick to
my product.
What happened today changed my
mind. I was excited about the shops but I honestly think that my product is not
suitable for the location. The product I have in mind suits a crowded area
where there will be many young people. The food I want to sell most of the
times appeal to the young and if it is a wet market we are talking about, this
product is a NO-NO.
So there I was thinking of going
back to the products I had originally plan to sell, what else but our own Malay
cuisine. Malay breakfast is hard to find there. It is only logic to start
selling a product that is desired the most. You have to sell what people want
and not what you want. The shops however, do not allow cooking with gas
cylinders. This is the thing with HDB commercial properties. There are rules
and regulations that you have to meet and everything you want to do, you must
have license and permits.
It can be quite troublesome. I
was thinking to cook at home and pre pack the food before I bring it over to
the shop. I started thinking about logistics and feasibility. That idea is
hard. I do not drive in Singapore, although public transport in Singapore is
efficient it will still be troublesome. So many things were playing in my head
while I enjoyed my sweet corn dessert.
While I text Tiger, I started to
realise that perhaps I could just make the move to Malaysia and start there
soon instead of waiting for the ‘right’ time. Apparently, she studied the
location and a Malay restaurant would be ideal. I became excited again. I went
home and tried to tell mother about my little adventure this afternoon. She
looked at me and simply nodded. That was all she did. My heart broke into
pieces. I don't know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every other
part of my body is broken too. There are many times where I simply wanted to
tell her that all I need is some encouragements and motivations. Don’t I
deserve some encouragements at least although I have failed her many times? I know
children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them;
sometimes they forgive them. I am good Diary. I supposed mother has forgiven
all my mistakes too. I hope she knows that failure is only the opportunity to
begin again more intelligently.
I swear I told myself not to discuss anything
about my business ideas with mother to avoid dissapointments. But I am only
human and I need blessings from my parents. Perhaps it is true that our mother
protected us from the world and our father threatened us with it. I just wanted
to hear good words but I did not. I went inside my room and wiped away the
tears in my eyes. The sorrow which has no vent in tears may make other organs
weep. I was tearing I knew but most importantly my heart felt so heavy. I
let my tears come. I let them water my soul. Upturned toward the sun, eyes
closed. That color and warmth I see and feel is the soul on fire.
If only it remained when again my eyes opened. I feel so much to prove to
mother. I guess it is good for me to cry because the soul would have no rainbow
had the eyes no tears.
I have to stop. I love my mother
and I love my family and all the living things on earth.
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