A Letter For You

Silence is the best option but leaving silently is not. No intentions to argue or countering but just to tell the truth.

 

I wanted to ask for your hand to be my girlfriend but someone else has done it first. I lost. I felt heartbroken and dissapointed and angry so I wrote out of anger. I cannot take it back. 

You said she is someone who can love you sincerely. I am sorry I did not make you feel the same. 

You said she is willing to give you time. I am sorry I did not. 

You said she never gives up on you. I am sorry I did not try hard enough. 

You said I come and leave as I please in your life. I am sorry for not staying. 

You said not to judge you for accepting her. I am sorry for not being worthy for you to accept me back.

You said she knows you do not like to make a girlfriend out of your friends. I am sorry I remember this too well that I was afraid you take me as a friend.

You told me it is okay to text you anytime. I listened.... And....when I stopped... 

You said you miss our conversations and you hate me for that. I am sorry to make you feel like that. 

You said you do not want me to take you as nothing. I am sorry for trying to remember your favourite colour is baby blue, you like teh tarik and always have iced milo when you eat out, you like chappati, you always eat for two, you do not like the beach, you cannot wait to turn 40, you like older women, you hate pink, you don't like to text, you like letters than emails, physical cards than electronic cards, Thai food than Chinese food, you hate sesame oil, you like hot and spicy food than bland food, you like cili padi so much that you cook maggi with it, you like potato curry puffs, you like telur ikan, you hate your credit card because it makes you pening. I am sorry for remembering too much about you that forgetting them is difficult. 

I am sorry for writing with so much anger that you feel this way. I will not forgive myself for that. 

I am sorry for not remembering your birthdays after all these years. I remember now.

I am sorry for getting excited when I received your birthday wishes every year.

I am sorry for making you think that you can have me as a good friend in your life. Forgive me as I can't.

 

I am sorry for coming into your life. I will leave

I am sorry for hurting you. I will not anymore

I am sorry for allowing you to come into my dreams. I will stop now

I am sorry for not fighting for this love I have for you, to say it out of my mouth so that you will understand

I am sorry for all the mistakes I have made and did not apologise more

I am sorry that I cannot win your heart back

I am sorry that I cannot be like her

I am sorry for loving you so much that only God can understand

Farewell to the love that I once believed

Farewell to the little teddy bear that replaced you when I was missing you

Farewell to the photos and card I keep in my wallet

Farewell to the woman whose wishes and dreams I pray to come true

Farewell to the memories that bloom eternal in the garden of my heart

FaikaNur

PS: Thank you for the love you once had for me. May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you with her. Goodbye.