I Am Sensitive

I Am Sensitive

Monday, February 22, 2010

It Is Not That Easy...

Dear Diary,


There are just so many untold stories that I have in me that I do not know where to begin. Many things happened since I am back in Singapore. Some are family related since I am living under the same roof with them. In fact most of them are. I am having all these long distance friendships with all my friends again. It brought me back to the old days. I am keeping in touch with them mostly with my phone and what else if not the internet. Nowadays, distance is not a major problem anymore to maintain a friendship.

Have I told you that I bought yet another phone again? Yes, I did and now I can use my Maxis and Singtel sim cards both on the same phone. It makes things easier for me. I do not have to carry two phones wherever I go now. The good thing is, I always get 75 global sms free daily and 30 local sms free daily. With 75 free global sms daily, I make full use of it sending messages to my friends in Malaysia even when I ran out of things to say to them to the extent of sending blank messages. I laugh at my silliness and so do them.

I am counting the days I have been away from Subang Jaya and it makes me even more eager to go back there. I miss my car, my friends and my clothes. I can see that I have to give myself some time before I am able to get the hang of it. I still have to bring back my clothes to Singapore. I could use lots of them here but not the whole wardrobe though.

Have I told you that my house is sold? Yes, we sold the house with our first valuation and that shows how good the property market is doing in Singapore right now. However, the government is taking steps to control the industry from booming even further to avoid, oh geez..what do you call that in economics? Shoot...I forgot it. But you know, too much of something is bad so the government is controlling that. We are looking for a house but not so actively. House shopping is not so easy too you know. I hate all these actually. I wish we do not have to move since I am so comfortable in this house. My brother died in this house you know. Well, do not get me wrong. I am not the superstitious type but this house has many fond memories of him until the day he died. I hate the idea of selling this house but I have to keep it to myself because of circumstances that surround my family.

Diary, I have started on my freelance job. I am not sure if I have chosen the right real estate agency. This one seems rather easy. I mean, I got the in-house training but I do not get any one-to-one guidance. The in-house training is insufficient anyway. Nevertheless, I always believe in self taught system to be the best of what you do. You learn from your own experience. I got the listings from them and I have to do almost everything from there. It involves a lot of paperworks and you know how I hate paperworks. I supposed that is why I never finished law school and ended up as a food stall operator in a food court doing or rather trying one business after another.

The Chinese always said, never fight in a battle when you know you cannot win. I knew I could not win in my battle for a law degree but I knew and I still know I can win in my battle to be a successful business woman. So here I am Diary...once again drawing out plans, strategies and a system to follow. I suppose I still have to wait. I know what I want and I know the weight I have on my shoulders.

I still write to some of my friends and I still do to Flying Babe too. Writing to them somewhat makes me feel close to them. There is one who has stopped writing to me for whatever reasons I dare not speculate. Perhaps I have pushed her button and she has found me rude and bold. I wish I could turn back the time but I cannot and so I will move on with the short memories I have of  her. Sipping this white coffee brought me back to the days when a spontaneous short email turned into a series of email exchanges that put smile on my face and perhaps made my heart jumped a little. The excitement I felt was like a kid getting a new toy to play and to keep. In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit. I have thought I could make a friend out of it but I probably screwed up like I always do.

Close friends have told me that I might die a lonely woman when I grow old because of my boldness. Perhaps...they are right but who are we to say? We are only humans with flaws hoping to be accepted the way we are because we are not good at pretending and putting up a false front. We prefer to be original at the expense of being misunderstood. And how we wish we could just say to people that they may have got on the wrong side of us and we are sorry that things have to turn out this way or that. Either way we still want to be accepted and not being forgotten. We hope against hope not to be misunderstood and be forgiven but it is never easy for forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.

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