Different People, Same Hope

Dear Diary,

I had a chit chat with mother about my work. It was a good conversation. At least I managed to release the tensions that I have been holding up. I told her about the environment and I told her about my colleagues. Well, she asked and so I told. I did not complain.

I can see that she hopes for me to stay in this job. She probably notices that I do not stay in one company for long. No I am not job hopping but I think some people think I am. I am not sure but I have to admit that I have worked in more than 20 places all my life. I am 38 and if I have worked in more than 20 places, yes I am afraid I have been job hopping. I did not mean to but I had to because I have low tolerance of things that I do not like to do. 

I have this natural habit to walk away from problems. I do not like to face problems instead I walk away. That probably contributes to the reasons why I have held so many jobs before. But...after all that, I still manage to buy a house, own a car, go for long vacations, pay my bills and gives pocket money to my parents. So at least that gives me the pleasure to know I am useful and responsible to be able to achieve all that despite not having a career. 

So you see Diary, simply because one does not have a career, that does not stop one from achieving necessary but simple things in life. Of course my car does not cost me 100 thousands and my house does not cost half a million. I did not have a luxurious holiday instead I had a simple backpacking holiday but still had enough to shop while vacationing. I do not give thousands of dollars of pocket money to my parents but I give them in hundreds. I hardly eat at fancy restaurants but I have never gone hungry or starved to death because I have no money to put food on the table. 

I am insured with 4 insurance policies and I have not lapsed any premiums yet. I am 100% medically covered so that gives me assurance if I die, my family especially my parents have money for their expenses from my death. If I get sick, I know I do not have to worry about my hospital bills since I am fully covered. I have savings in my bank account and and I have invested some money in unit trust that pays my beneficiaries double the amount in my investment should I die. Yes, I have made the preparations because I do not want to die as a burden to my family. I have made a vow if I were to die, my parents would not have to worry about having less money to spend for expenditures as I have made sure they will have enough. 

So Diary, can I quit if I am finding it hard to cope with my work? No, I do not plan to quit just yet. I like this job and I will be fine. I know I will be good at it when the time comes. I am strong, I know that. Even Flying Babe agrees. She hopes the same for me too like my mother; that I stay longer in this job. Perhaps she notices my work habit. Does it matter? Yes it matters. Her opinions of me always matter. Two very important women in my life, they are different but share same hope for me. I do not want to fail them. I will try hard not to fail them. I know it is hard but I am trying.

I pray to Allah that things are going to be good for me. I hope Allah hears and answer my prayers. Please Allah make things easier for me at work. Please make my colleagues understand my situations at work. Please Allah, I need your help big time. I am praying so hard now because I know you will help me. I have faith in you.