How My Work Is

Dear Diary,

It has been barely a month I am in this new job and I have lost 2kgs. I knew it because only I know how my body works. I gain weight easily and lose them easily too. This new job is a fast pace environment with so many paperwork to do. I felt like I have to chase the time. I am always behind time and the backlog is growing. I swear to God I have never been in a job that requires me to do so much of paperworks. It can be a little too overwhelming for me. I feel like I am in something over my head. 

At times, I just want to get out of it all. You know, like walking away from it. That is what I usually do. I walk away from things that bother me or I feel if they are trouble, I would walk away. But this is a job. This is a job where I get paid to do handsomely, by my standards. And I was thinking, if I carry on with that kind of attitude, I would get nowhere. I have not gotten a career Diary. I have gotten a car, a house, hobbies, savings and all the nitty gritty little details but at my age, believe me or not, I have not gotten a career. I need to have one. I must have one because I would not be having my own business anytime soon. 

I am coaching myself to have faith with this new job. It offers me opportunity that I could not possibly get elsewhere. Perhaps I can but it is not easy. I work 5 days a week, Monday to Friday. I do not work on public holidays. I start work at 830am and I finish work at 6pm. I stay back everyday and it is considered overtime. I think in a month, I can clocked about 40 hours or more of overtime. But there are regulations in singapore where an employee cannot clocked more than 44 hours of overtime in a month. It is a law that the ministry of manpower has to protect employees. 

I do not mind the overtime because ultimately, it is for my own benefits. I gain monetarily and who cares if I have to work late everyday as I have no other commitments except for my family. I do not have a girlfriend, therefore I do not have to set aside my time for love. It all boils down to me. My parents are officially retired and I need cash to support them financially. This job can offer me good money because it gives me opportunity to stay back beyond my official working hours. Annual wage supplement,  variable component scheme and variable performance bonus are something which I can look forward by the end of every year for as long as I stay in this company. 

Oh Diary, please pray for my well-being. I like this job although it can be a little too much for me to handle. I am new and I have so much to learn, I am still not good at everything but I am getting there. There are many challenges I have to face especially remembering all the workflows. Sometimes I am scared and I have no one to talk to and to share. I keep it to myself. I do not want to bottle things up. I know I must tell. I want to share with you but I am always staying back at work and I leave office at 830pm almost everyday, at times I stay beyond 12 midnight just to do the month end billing. I get home at 10 or 1030pm. By the time I take my shower, it will be 11 at night. I wake up at 615am from Monday to Friday. 

I skip lunch because I am slow to get things done. There will always be problems that I face when I process orders and I have to rectify those problems before I am able to upload it into my system. All that takes time and it eats up into my time. I really don’t know how am I going to cope. It will take time, and I hope they will give me time and understand.