On The Edge

Dear Diary,

I am on the verge of giving up. I really am. There are many difficulties that I face and the stress level is high. The job is demanding and I cannot cope. I have tried so hard to keep up but I think I have had enough. It is not easy when most of the times I do not know what to do and how to do things. To add up to the difficulties, some trainer are not willing to teach me again the things that they have taught me before. They might have think that I should have known how to get things done by now. The truth is I still don't and I forget things. I barely work here for 1 month and 5 days so how can they expect me to learn quickly. They probably have certain hopes for me which can perhaps be unrealistic. 

Sometimes I feel that I am not getting the support that I need when I need help. There are 2 trainers that are training me; one is helpful and understanding but one is selfish and not helpful. I would like to call her Cunt. Cunt is from China and has been living and working in this company for 3 years. Can you compare me with her? Absolutely not. You always compare an apple with an apple. You cannot compare a staff with 3 years of working experience with another staff with barely 1.5 months of experience. That is the logic. 

The environment is fast pace and everybody try to do their job as quickly as possible. Everybody has deadlines to meet and tasks to complete. I cannot cope Diary. It is too fast pace for me and it can be a little too overwhelming. I do not know what to do sometimes. Things are only easy when I know what to do and how to do it but now I don't. And for me to know what to do and how to do it will probably take me 6 full months. And I cannot do it alone. I must be patient, the people around me must be patient and if the patience do not come with understanding, I am afraid I will have to give up.