I Am Confuse

Dear Diary,

I have always have mixed feelings towards my job. Up till today I sometimes feel like quitting and sometimes I feel that I am enjoying my job. I know I am confuse and the reason is because it depends on how it goes in the office. I supposed I only feel good when things go smoothly and I know how to get things done. But I must know that I am new and it will take me sometime to be master of my own trade. 

To go through the learning process is a pain as the environment is fast pace and people want you to get things done as quickly as possible. How the hell can I get things done fast when it is only less than tenth times that I do it? Everything is new to me. The office, environment, systems, colleagues, work scope and most importantly workflow. I need time to learn the ropes. 

Some colleagues are friendly and some are not. Some are understanding while some can be assholes. I know it will be easy for me in the long run but to wait to get there can be miserable. How long do I need to be good at it? I am not sure Diary but I am giving myself 6 months to get there. I am holding 3 accounts and within a month they expect me to learn all the workflows and processes of all the three accounts. 

I have 3 predecessors that I am learning from. Two are on leave for a week now and I am left on my own to do the work. I do not mind the hard work as I know this company pays for all my overtime but I somewhat feel upset that my Manager overlook that I still need guidance about my work. Perhaps she knows but the leaves were probably approved way before I joined so she really has no choice but to let them go. 

I am rather pissed. I have got other offers. A recruitment agent is offering me a position in the similar field but I declined the offer. My old team leader called me back to join her as a part timer but I had to decline too. I know I would be comfortable working there but it is going to be part time salary and I cannot afford it anymore. I have to think of my financial commitments and that is probably what makes me stay in this company. 

I pray and hope that things are going to be fine for me Diary. I really do.