The Journey Up...

Dear Diary,

I set my alarm at half past five today and I was surprised at myself for being able to hear the alarm went off. I usually have a difficult time waking up in the wee hour of the morning but not this time. I supposed it was because of the excitement I was feeling to bring Hippo and her family to my vacation house. It was their first time coming over and I assumed every one of us was thrilled especially her kids and her husband. It was also their first time travelling with their car further than Johor Bahru. Almost everything was going to be their first time, even to Mount Ophir.

They are probably one of the few Singaporeans who have never or hardly travel to Malaysia. It is not surprising because there are quite a lot of Singaporeans who just do not travel to Malaysia. Unlike myself, I grew up in a family who travel frequently to Malaysia. Mum has seventy percent of her relatives in Malaysia. My grandparents were Malaysians and so do my aunts, uncles and cousins. Even though dad does not have any relatives in Malaysia at all, we often travel to Malaysia for holidays when I was young therefore, it is not a big deal for me to travel between Singapore and Malaysia.

It is a good thing that my house in Singapore has centralized water heater so I can take my shower without much hassle. I always have a fear with cold chilled water touching my body. Hippo was punctual and she got to my house as scheduled. The ride to Tangkak was smooth and hassle free. We took the highway and had breakfast at one of the Rest & Relax stop point. I had some western breakfast courtesy of Hippo. Throughout the journey, she always insisted to pay even after I declined. I supposed she was feeling indebted to me for letting her family spends two nights in my house. Well Diary, even if I had let them spend the whole week, I would not want them to feel indebted or whatsoever but I guess it is just natural for everybody to do feel that. All of us are brought up with manners and we have cultures and customs that we still practice even though we are living in the millennium years.

The kids are very well behaved and courteous. I did not find them irritating or annoying at all. They are living proof that Hippo really disciplines them. I tried to make them feel comfortable as much as I could. There was not much activity on the day we arrived since all of us woke up in the wee hours of the morning to avoid paying extra to travel after seven in the morning. You see Diary, Hippo drives an off peak car (OP) with the red plate. OP cars are only allowed to be on the road after seven in the evening to seven in the morning. If any OPC cars need to be on the road during the prohibited time, owners have to buy a coupon from the Land Transport Authority for exception on that day. The coupon cost SGD20 per one time use if I am not mistaken. That was why we had to be up early in the morning and be at the immigration customs before seven in the morning. It would be a waste to buy the coupon since we will be away from Singapore.

I brought them to my favourite ‘Asam Pedas’ stall for lunch and we went shopping for our picnic by the waterfall at mount Ophir (Gunung Ledang). It was fun and a happy outing. The kids love it from the climbing and swimming. Hippo had a difficult time climbing up the mountain. I saw her sweat it out like she has never before. Drops of sweats streaming down from her forehead, she was panting as she tried with all her might climbing every step there was. I looked at her and I thought oh my God, I do not ever want to be overweight like that. I did nothing but just laughed at her. Honestly, I could not do much. A dozen words of encouragements would not help if a person’s mental strength is still weak. As usual, she just laughed it off too. That is the best thing about Hippo. She really understood me and could not care less about how I am with her. I think our eighteen years of friendship has made us grow accustomed to each other’s ways and teases. She made it to the destination even though she was the slowest.

Looking at her speed, I was actually having fear to bring her hiking Mount Ophir this March. I just do not know if the guide has such patience to wait on her. With the new one-day hike up and down rule, I have lots of doubts Hippo will make it. it is not that I am underestimating her, but reading between the lines, as a seasoned climber, I know what I saw. Even if she makes it, she will probably take twice as much time as ever than other regular climber and that means, climbing down the mountain in the dark.

I set out at eight in the morning the last time I climbed. I reached the summit at half past one in the afternoon. I started to climb down at half past two in the afternoon and got to the foot at half past five in the evening. So you do your Maths Diary, how many hours did I take to climb up? It was five and half hours to the summit and two and three hours to climb down. We could have reached the foot of the mountain earlier but the group of students slowed us down. If Hippo were to climb it, she would probably take much more than five and half hours and that can really be a test of patience for her hiking buddy at that time who I am sure is going to be her husband.

Simple But Fun Outing...

Dear Diary,

I have another headache attack today and it is really killing me. I tried to take some aspirins or panadols but I couldn’t find any at home. My head feels so heavy like as though it would dropped to the floor rolling if I were to look down. Whenever I turn my head to look around, there is a sudden feel of giddiness. I think I need to go to bed early tonight. That is the most suitable remedy for it I supposed.

How are you Diary? It has been quite sometimes since I asked about your well-being. It is not that I had forgotten but it just slipped my mind when I wrote to you in my last entries. I have to get up early tomorrow as I am leaving for Tangkak at six in the morning. Hippo will fetch me from home and we will head straight to Malaysia. I did not plan to go to Tangkak but I need a cheap get away. Hippo came along to make it happen. She will be with her whole family and I will be bringing them to my holiday house in Tangkak. I need to go there anyway to make sure the house is tidy and clean because mum is bringing her colleagues over this weekend.

I plan to bring them to Malacca on Tuesday and to try a short hike up at Mount Ophir in Tangkak itself. Now, Diary if you still do not know what is Mount Ophir it is actually Gunung Ledang. Many Singaporeans remember it as Mount Ophir in English. I have climbed it for four times but I would really love to make it a yearly thing for myself. Firstly, it is in my ‘kampung’ and it is the first mountain I climbed unofficially. I always took two days to climb it. However, the National Park has set some rules, guidelines and regulations for climbers to follow that is to climb the mountain. No climbers can set tents on the mountain anymore since the accidents. Whatever your plan is, you must complete your climb in a day. It sure is not an easy mountain to climb in a day. Previously, all climbers climbed it in two days but since the new ruling, I do not think it suits a first timer because it is not easy.

Hippo and her husband were supposed to join me for the ‘Bekelah’ waterfall trip last May but they couldn’t make it. I just thought it would be good to bring them to Mount Ophir, not to climb but just to be there at the foot so that they can enjoy the waterfall. Not forgetting their children can enjoy it too. I won’t be driving as I left my car in Subang Jaya so I will be the back seat driver together with their kids.

You know Diary, all my friends have been asking me for a barbeque session. I really don’t know when to make it happen. With all the things I need to straighten out and all the priorities set right, I must find a suitable time to have it especially to have it in Tangkak. I need to make sure all of them are able to turn out on the day and not only just that, they are able to drive there too and will not mind having to spend the night there. Once I have set the date, I also have to plan how are the food going to be prepared and who will assist me in the preparations. Of course, all preparations have to be done there and that includes the purchase of food and almost everything. Gummy Bear and Rolly Polly will probably be helping me in organizing this event. Oh Diary, I am talking like as though it is a major event that involves the whole nation! Hahaha

Well I got to go Diary, I miss you Diary as much as I miss her. I wish she knows.

Just To Be Originally Me...

Dear Diary,

Sometimes I wish I can read what is on people’s mind but I was not born with a sixth sense so I have to depend on my instincts. I wrote Peppermint an email with the contents that is so typical of me. I did not think that I had said anything inappropriate. I was teasing, joking and sounding cheeky in the email. I guess that is just me you know. I can do all those without even have the intention to do them literally. I am always saying cheeky stuffs but never meant anything about it, always sweet-talking without being serious about it. She knew that, in fact she mentioned it in one of her emails to me. It is just long-winded to explain. I think I will just let it rest.

It is funny that people ask when you do not be yourself, and it is even funnier that people ask when you are being yourself. Sometimes I do not know how to behave towards people. They are so hard to please but so easy to be tick. I guess people look at me in that way too as I am no different from them, a human being. I say wrong things at wrong times without having the slightest intention to sound rude, inappropriate or probably corny. Everybody tease each other, do we all not? However, I supposed we must still bear in mind to respect one another in the course of having conversations, jokes, work or play.

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I am sure I did not say anything rude or offensive but it is just how she wants to accept it. I do not even have her number let alone having met her. We are only having a virtual friendship. There is no physical contact at all. I am not sure what she was thinking but I think I am just going to lay low for a while. If you do not know what to say, you do not speak, if you do not know what to write, you simply do not write. It is as easy as A, B, C. It does not take a genius to figure that one.

I went to bed at three in the morning last night. I spent time talking to Rolly Polly online. She was not feeling good and something just got into her. I do not know what was with her last night but I got a feeling that she was feeling lonely. We talked about stuffs and I had to give in to her. I did not want to create another debate session when I was already trying hard to stay awake for her sake. Sometimes I wish I could do miracles so I can make everybody I have known eternally happy. I truly appreciate what I have with her but I do not want to feel pressurized by it too. I just want to live like how it should be. I do not want to live under the pretext of something else. It is just so hard to explain. I wish I could have let it all out easily without considering other. I do not want any misunderstandings or accusations to occur at a later stage. My heart is reserved. I am reserved. I do not know when will these reservation end.

If I could just heal her heart with one embrace, I would do that. If it were so easy to mend a broken heart like what it says in all sad love songs, I would be the first in queue. Did I put myself into this? Do you know Diary? Gosh, there is so much to say about this. When the heart matters, it is always difficult. All the knowledge I possess everyone else can acquire, but my heart is all my own. I used to be bold. I fix my broken heart in a day or two. I never had trouble moving on and forward until I started to live alone.

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Living alone makes me a sensitive person and empathetic to my surroundings. I do self-reflections often and that gives me room and space to feel. Yes Diary, I feel a lot nowadays. Little things catch my attention more than the big things. I want to be happy but I also want the people I love to be happy and if I could help in any sense, I would not mind. Nevertheless, I still want to be true to myself. I must have control of the authorship of my own destiny. The pen that writes my life story must be held in my own hand because I know the life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, and writes another.

Falling In Love Back Again With Home Sweet Home...

Dear Diary,

How has it been going on your side? I have been good and busy figuring out what I am going to do for a living. Let us laugh at that shall we? Well, you know I have been surveying and doing lots of research about the methods and ways to make money online. I have found many and presently I am working on one, which has proven to work. I am also doing the other one but I have yet to achieve anything out of it because I have not fully launch it yet. I still have to do a couple of things before I am able to enjoy the result which I am sure is going to be fruitful.

I woke up this morning feeling cold. Apparently, it was raining and I left my window opened last night. I always do that because I do not want to have the air condition on while I am sleeping. I cannot stand the cold. I would rather sleep and wake up sweating than having the air condition or the fan switch on. Talking about this I remember how Flying Babe likes to wake up sweating from sleep. It sounds somewhat funny but I think that is sexy. She does not mind sweating during her sleep and that is something not every woman like. I miss her Diary. I really do.

After my shower, I went to the neighbourhood community centre to get my Singpass to allow me to check how much money I have spent for the purchased of my house in Singapore. My brother and I have decided to sell the house so we are actually making calculations ourselves before engaging the service of the property agent. Once we have sold this house, I will not be having property in Singapore anymore. I supposed I just have to make it in Malaysia come what may. You know Diary, sometimes I wonder if I had make a good decision in moving to Malaysia. I had an almost perfect life back then, good paying salary job and a kind boss. I do not know Diary. I do not want to think about it but I cannot help it. Whenever I come back to Singapore and see the changes, I began to miss it even more and to have reservations about my move to Malaysia. Was it worthwhile? I cannot turn back Diary. I have to make it wherever I am. It does not matter anymore.

Spending more time in Singapore makes me realized about the things I have miss since I have been away. When I brought Rolly Polly around, I acted like a tour guide to her but deep in my heart I was in point of fact fascinated, amazed and impressed by how much Singapore has changed. I did not recognize Orchard Road anymore. Can you believe that Diary?

So many shopping centres have sprung up like wild mushrooms. With its magnificent skyline, efficient and accessible public transport service, systematic ways of almost the whole lot, I wonder to myself if I should have gone back to Singapore and spend the rest of my life here. I am just toying with the idea but it is just something that I will consider if things are not working out in Malaysia. I am proud of Singapore when I showed Rolly Polly around. She and I have been having deep conversations and sometimes opinions about the differences of the two countries. It is just something that everybody would do when he lives elsewhere. It does not just happen to me, it happens to anyone living out of his country. He will start doing silent comparisons and evaluation. Then, he begins to appreciate what was once he thought were the flaws of his home country. It is just natural.

All I am saying, a person who has lived in a country long enough has the rights to be judgmental of that country because he has first hand experience. He does not read about it or know about how it is like to be living there from some documentary or travel magazines. Instead, he went the extra miles to live there and see for himself. That is the difference between education and experience. Education is the process where you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you do not. If experience were not so important, we would never have had anyone walk on the moon. If you want to understand democracy, spend less time in the library with Plato, and more time in the buses with people. I supposed that is what Najib was thinking too when he decided to take the train with the public.

Rolly Polly Went To Singapore : Part 1

Dear Diary,

Rolly Polly followed me back to Singapore on Friday. She spent a total of three days and four nights at my home. It was a narrow escape. We almost did not make it to Singapore but she came up with the idea of driving in and that actually saved us. I did not think that it was necessary to get the tickets earlier because in my two years as a regular customer to the coach operator, I never had problems getting the tickets even at the last minute. I thought it would be easier this time but I was wrong. We planned to go to Singapore last Friday. I have failed to remember that Friday was a public holiday and it was during the school holiday.

I went to Holiday Villa on Thursday morning only to be greatly disappointed. I was dumbstruck actually. There was not a single tickets left on Friday, Saturday or the day after Saturday. The only choice we had was to opt for the coaches in Puduraya, which would be my last resort. You know how I hate the people, the bus operators and Puduraya itself. That place is no different from a market with so many almost uncivilized people; it bores me at the thought that I have to take the bus to Singapore from there. I still remember when I had just moved to Kuala Lumpur and how I bought ticket from one of the bus operator there. The bus was supposed to leave at noon but instead it left two hours later all because they wanted so much to fill up all empty seats first. They did not at all take the other passengers needs and priorities into consideration. If anyone of us complained, they would just told us off. That is how it is in Puduraya.

You know Diary, I have just realized that it is true what people say that there is silver lining behind every dark clouds. If I had not broken up with Infinity, I will forever be taking the bus from Puduraya back to Singapore. Only when I had broken up with her, I had difficulty going to Puduraya from Subang Jaya on my own. The cab ride is just a last resort. I have grown so fed up with the taxi drivers here refusing to use the meters to charge passengers. I was just lucky to have known about this travel agency that also provides direct coach service to Singapore from Bangsar and vice versa. And just about early last year, they opened another branch providing the same service from Subang Holiday Villa to Singapore and vice versa. So that is how I started to enjoy the service, never had my foot on Puduraya ever since then.

I supposed Rolly polly wanted so much to go to Singapore because when I told her all the tickets were out, characteristically she was always positive and made effort to ask her brother to look for tickets from Kajang while she go look for tickets in Puduraya. I was really hoping all tickets were out too in Puduraya. I did not want to go there anyhow and when we did not manage to get any tickets elsewhere, Rolly Polly decided to drive. So that was how we got to Singapore.

Respect Is Not Automatic...

Dear Diary,

As I am writing this down, Paranoid and her father are in the living hall watching football between Malaysia and Vietnam. As usual Paranoid acting like a retarded five year old kid, kicking against the floor at every excitement she felt. Not only she kicked and stomped her feet against the floor, she also cheered loudly being oblivious to her surrounding. While she displayed annoying child and retard like acts, her father characteristically lay on the matress with only his sarong on.

That is his only piece of clothe he wears in our home everytime he comes to visit Paranoid. I swear I have never seen him with a decent shirt on when he is at home. I actually have begun to believe that he is similar to Orang Utan who doesn’t seem to care about covering his body from the view of people. I have never got the chance to see if he does take his bath because everytime when he is around, all he does is lay on the mattress with his sarong from day to evening, from dawn till dusk. It is really startling how a human his age can afford to do that for the whole day.

Diary, forgive me for what I am about to tell you but I have to let it out. It has been inside my heart since a long time ago. I have never seen him bath and I have never seen him pray. Who am I to say but I cannot help myself from thinking about it. Shouldn’t a man his age be living like as though he is dying? I mean, all of us should be living like we are dying because death does not recognise age, time and date but naturally when you get older, you will tend to become more religious. I expect every man older than I am whom I can call father to be behaving his age, to show exemplary roles to the young ones. Yes Diary, nobody is perfect but we shouldn’t let the skeleton in our closet be seen especially at the expense of his loved ones. What would I think of him now as the father of Paranoid? I have no right, by anything I do or say, to demean a human being in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him; it is what he thinks of himself.

Imagine this Diary, I am a grown up woman and he is old enough to be my father. When he doesn’t dress appropriately in a house I call home, he is one pathetic rude old man. Now, I am not sure if he realises that because both Paranoid and him seem oblivious and carrying that ‘tidak apa’ attitude. I felt offended and repulsive. Do you know what a sarong can do to a man when he lay on a mattress Diary? Imagine him lying down with his knees pointed up. The sarong can just slipped down to his thighs exposing whatever he was supposed to hide. It is as good as wearing just your undergarments when that happens. So do you see now why I have to tell you what I feel? He only sleeps in the living hall, of course he is exposed and the sight of him can be quite an eye sore.

I was welcomed by that sight when I opened my door to collect my dirty laundry in the hall. If my father was like that, I would definitely be ashamed and give my father a friendly talk about it all. But no, I supposed Paranoid is not like that. She would rather let people look down upon her father and she would be more than happy and glad that people would just disrespect her father. Perhaps she has forgotten that he that respects himself is safe from others; he wears a coat of mail that none can pierce. I guess I have a concrete reason now for naming her Paranoid. I felt insulted and I imagined myself throwing my dirty used bra to his face if I hadn't been brought up with manners.

I used to have a love-hate relationship with my father. But after living far and away from him, I would never trade my father for anything else even for a mountain of gold. My father has never skipped his prayers except during emergencies, has never behaved like that towards my friends and has never been idle like that with no purpose in life. I supposed when you have a father like this or a father like that, somehow you become grateful and appreciative of how your father really is, regardless how imperfect he can be. You will do silent comparison between someone else’s dad and yours and you will start seeing what a hero and respectable man your father is.

Her father never gets out of the house at all. I have noticed his habits already after having to face some unpleasant periods when he is in the house. I guess he only gets up from the mattress when he needs to answer nature calls. Other than that, he will just lay there like a man weakening from the daily dosage of oxygen. He doesn’t seem to care about his appearance at all and that explains why he is untidy. I have friends coming over my house while he is here and they too, share the same view with me. We must always bear in mind never to violate the sacredness of our individual self-respect.

I wouldn’t be telling you this Diary if Paranoid had not step on my tail. I still remember how she told me about what she had to go through at the old house. Have I told you what happened there Diary? Some things happened all thanks to Infinity and her entourage of immediate family members. Paranoid and I were not happy about it because our privacy was invaded. Paranoid preached to me about how she was brought up. No outsiders especially men or boys are allowed in her house to protect and preserve the privacy of women (her late mother, elder sister and Paranoid) except during festivities. Although she has four brothers, her brothers are all trained not to bring home their friends as and when they like. So that is how she grows up. So when things like that happened to her in the old house, she became afraid, upset and unhappy. One thing leads to another and finally she and I moved out. But, ironically she is doing the same thing she experienced back at the old house to me. Do you get what I mean Diary?

Yes, it is only her father and no one else except her father. I work on my own and I spend most of the time doing my work at home in my room. Whenever her father came, he and I will be alone in the house when Paranoid went to work. Her father doesn’t dress appropriately and imagine how would I feel to be alone in a house with this one untidy no-brainer old man? You tell me Diary. Old does not mean wise afterall. All this gives me a stronger reason to get that dream home of mine. One Avenue, here I come!

Kindness Is In Your Power, Stupid!

Dear Diary,

I just came back from Damansara uptown. I met up with my friends and had late dinner there. We hung out at coffee bean. I was there early and had to wait for them for about ten minutes. It has been awhile since the last time I met them. Things happened between us but it was resolved and there we were again. I enjoyed my time with them and I wish we could do it again.

I had peppermint tea and chicken with mushroom pasta. I had forgotten what they called the pasta but it was good except for the tea. I shouldn’t have ordered peppermint tea because I really feel like I was drinking liquid Colgate when I had it. Every sip reminded me of the time I gargle my mouth after every toothbrush session. Yes Diary, it was that bad and everytime I swallowed, it was as if I swallowed the garggled water. I was not impressed with the taste of the tea and it was a lesson I have learnt; never order anymore peppermint tea.

While we were there, there was a cat that came up to a family of five who was sitting outside at the non air conditioned seating area. The cat was little. I am sure it was not a kitten but it was small in size. It walked to that family probably hoping for them to throw one or two pieces of chicken chunks so it can fill up its empty stomach but no, instead the father kicked the cat and even tried to step on it. My friends and I watched in awe. Fortunately the cat was smart enough to know when to leave and it walked away from them unharmed. While walking away, the daughter of the man walked after it and gave chase to it, stomping her feet scaring the cat and she even tried to kick it just like what her father did. She was only about eight years old.

With that, I anticipated the girl growing up with no sense of compassion towards animals. Watching how her dad tried to step on the cat just gave her the impression that it is alright to do that. It all boils down to family conditioning. The home is the best instituition for children to learn. Children learn from what they see and watch at home. If a father shows that kind of behaviour towards animals especially cats, the children might just grow up not having any sense of humanity towards animals. If you haven't any charity of kindness toward all living things in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.

Seeing what happened, I was brought to mind when I was about nine years old. The sons of my next door neighbour physically abused a cat right infront of my eyes. He pulled the cat by the tail and flung the cat away. When the cat tried to escape, he pulled the cat by the tail by force and flung it again. The cat screamed in pain and I can sense how much pain it was in. I was flabbergasted and shocked. I didn’t think anyone would have the heart to do such a ruthless thing to a helpless cat. My shock turned to anger and I yelled and shouted at him. I cursed him like I was in a cursing competition and I swear I was ready to jump on him and scratch his repulsive face until my mother came up to me and pulled me away. Something just made me do it. I felt at that time I had to do something to stop it, I had to defend the cat because I knew he cannot defend himself. How harmful can a cat be Diary? They are harmless creatures that God created to share this earth with us. What does it take to show just a little kindness? They failed to acknowledge that kindness is in their power, even when fondness is not.

I grew up in a home where animal abuse is not condoned. My parents are animal lovers and I have had pets since I was young. We have had fish to rabbits and cats as our pets. Growing up has always been about sharing our food, shelter and love with the extended families. I can sacrifice my share of fish for my pet cat and share my bed with him. That is how I was brought up. Seeing acts of animal abuse just sickens me and I wish I could do more to protect the rights of those animals.

If the cat had not walked away in time and by any chance the family had hurt or abused it, I was sure I was going to repeat what I had done when I was nine years old to that family and who knows what I might have done to them because mum is not around to stop me from getting too carried away with anger. I was ready Diary, like a sumo wrestler taking his position to attack his opponent come what may. I was not going to care about what’s going to happen to me anyway even if I will put my safety in jeorpardy because my priority was to protect the cat and knock some sense of compassion and humanity to those unruly, moronic imbecile nincompoop bastards. What this world needs is a new kind of army - the army of the kind and she has my vote in that.

I Want To Be Just Like Them.

Dear Diary,

I am back to Malaysia now and I need to run so many outstanding errands. Rolly Polly fetched me and we went straight to Bangsar to have our early dinner. We had ‘ayam golek’ with rice. It was not a very wholesome meal but it was enough to make me feel contented. I tried to order half of the whole chicken but they did not take orders for half a chicken so I had to order a whole chicken of ‘ayam golek’ which I think was ridiculous. First of all, they did not give customers an option to buy. If it was their intention to do that so that customers would just settle for the whole chicken and pay more instead of paying less for half a chicken, then I would say it is unfair. I have to admit that the only attraction at that coffee shop was the ‘ayam golek’. The coffee shop does not serve good food at all. I have been there a couple of times and believe me Diary I think my own home cook food taste better. That is why I have a fix menu when I dine in there; ‘ayam golek’ and white rice. Any other extra dishes would spoil the mood.

How are you Diary? I haven’t written for a couple of days. I have been busy working and staying up late doing my work. I could write to you but I was tired. I am sorry. Anyway I hope you are in the pink of health. I am good and the toothache has gone. It is not bothering me anymore. It is not the tooth but the gum I think. Peppermint has been nice to me. She wrote me in her email a whole list of home remedies for my toothache. I didn’t try any of it. Not that I don’t appreciate it but the toothache was healed when I got her email. I was impressed by her effort. Even though I know it was just a copy and paste thing from the internet, it was her thought that counts and that was magnificient. I have made her my other Diary you know.

I spent a couple of days in Bangi crashing over at Rolly Polly’s. we just had to brainstorm about selling online more aggressively. I have been searching and surfing all the websites that I have found on how to make money online. It is the revolution. So many people are making money online nowadays part time or full time. Times have changed now. The internet is not just a place for looking up for informations on things or booking your flight or concert tickets but it is a place that allows you to make money and if you work hard enough, you might just end up a millionaire. There are so many young internet millionaires. Greg Tseng and Johann Schleier-Smith are the founder for ‘Tagged.com’ Tagged.com is a social networking site founded in 2004. Chad Meredith Hurley (born 1976) is the co-founder and Chief Executive Officer of the popular San Bruno, California-based video sharing website YouTube. Mark Elliot Zuckerberg (born May 14, 1984) is an American computer programmer and entrepreneur. He created the online social website Facebook with fellow computer science major students and his roommates Dustin Moskovitz and Chris Hughes. Those are all a few examples of internet millionaires who become one at a very tender young age. Malaysia has its very own internet millionaires too like Irfan Khairi.

So you see, it is all about ideas. These people turned their ideas into reality and they have never stopped since then and made it to where they are now. I wish and hope I could be like them. Living the dreams like what people always say. Perhaps not a millionaire but at least I can achieve financial freedom. Not having to worry about running out of money. Not having to be concern over my savings running low. Not having to wake up early in the morning just to be at the office before the boss gets in. it. There are people who easily make it there. I really admire those people. The determination, perseverance and desire, I admire all of them.

I have even stopped thinking about love nowadays. All I am thinking now is money. Sometimes I wonder what is to become of me if I fail. Will I go crazy or insane? A lot of us say that money cannot buy everything, but everything that we desire to have needs money. We simply cannot live without money nowadays. It is not the stoned age anymore and gone are the practices of butter trade. I do not want to be a slave to money but I also do not want to be working like slave to earn money. My statement is debatable of course.

Oh Diary, enough about money making. Flying Babe text me and asked how I am last night. I felt ecstatic. I felt my heart jumped. It sure was good how I felt. I haven’t written to her for a month now and I guess she is wondering why. So is she thinking about me Diary? Oh never mind that…I think I will just write to her again…Flying Babe, you are still the one.

Just Do it...

Dear Diary,

I have yawned almost ten times as I am writing this down. I should have gone to bed already but I feel that I have to write to you first. How have you been doing? I am good and my toothache is subsiding. The pain is a little gone but I am still taking precautions. I have begun to eat solid food but I only chew on the right side of my mouth. I am afraid to chew on the left side because I want to allow my gum to heal completely. I miss my Listerine so much at this time.

You know Diary, in times like this that you will begin to miss your home most when you are away. Even though this is my house, well I bought it yes, but I do not have all my most treasured belongings here because I do not live here. Most of them are in Subang Jaya and my Singapore house is just a stopover for me actually. My brother and I are planning to sell this house away. I need money in my Central Provident Fund (CPF) when I grow old and retire. To sell the house is to allow that, as the next house in Singapore will solely be my brother’s. I will not be sharing it with him anymore.

I am not sure how many room flat will the next house be. It all depends on my brother. Talking about this actually reminds me how I have to step it up on my business. After e sell this house, that means I will not be having any property in Singapore neither do my parents. My parents will be living with my brother in his house. I will occasionally come and stay as and when I need to leave Malaysia. It is difficult to live in a country without a visa. I have to leave every two weeks, stay overseas for a couple of days and then come back. The cycle continues until I get myself a visa. It is not easy to get a visa especially for people like me who own business.

There are so many protocols I have to meet, to get a visa. Firstly, I have to register my company as a private limited company. Secondly, it must fall under the one million paid up authorized capital private limited company. Thirdly, I must wait until the authorities deemed that my company has reached maturity and has enough bank transactions before they grant me my visa. So you see the reason why money is all I have in my mind. I have to make it work because I am not going back to Singapore. Where would I go once this house is sold Diary? The next house will definitely not be mine. Yes, of course my brother would not mind me crushing in his house for the days I have to be out of Malaysia but I would not be comfortable doing that. I am giving myself three years to grow my company from a one hundred thousand authorized paid up capital to a one million authorized paid up capital. Make my company bank accounts active as I can. Grow my business, have multiple streams of incomes for my company and get my visa.

That is my plan now Diary. I just have to make it work. There is a story that I read about a successful businessperson in Malaysia. He was not successful when he started out his business (who will when they first started?). When his business progress, he bought himself a Mercedes. It is not to show off neither it is to celebrate wealth and luxury too soon but it is only because he wanted to motivate himself. The Mercedes acts as a catalyst to make him work harder to prosper so he could pay off the installments for his car. The Mercedes acts as the fuel for him to be on the lookout for more business opportunities. He wanted so much to keep his Mercedes so he did what he has to do to keep it. Ultimately what he did help his business grow and become very prosperous.

It is like being chased by a Rottweiler dog. You just have to run for your life hard and fast if you do not want to be bitten. Whatever it is, you run, jump, skip, leap and do what you have to do to escape from that nasty Rottweiler. If you manage to escape, you achieve victory but if you do not, you will get hurt. I think that is the moral of the story. Just do it, Nike says.

Reminisicing The Dentist Horror

Dear Diary,

I have been having this toothache for the past three days now. I am not sure if it is the tooth or the gum but I can feel that my gum is swollen. The pain is just too much for me to handle. It is pounding and very excruciating. I cannot chew my food so obviously my rights and privileges to eat solid food have been strip off. I cannot recall what causes the swell but I remember on our way back to Singapore from Tangkak, I ate crispy cuttlefish and some of it gets stuck in between my teeth and that perhaps causes it.

I did not go to the dentist. I do not think that it is that serious but I have never had something like this for more than a day. As I am writing to you, I can feel my gum pounding and every time the teeth from the bottom and top row grit, I will experience this enormous pain. At times, I really wish that I have a painkiller or something to ease the pain or I imagined myself extracting my teeth out with a plier.

You know Diary, this toothache reminds me of my younger days when I was in primary school. It is natural to lose our baby teeth when we are six or seven, right? When I was at those ages, I remembered how mum used to be my dentist. We tried all ways to extract my loose teeth. We had use the thread that we tied to my teeth and then mum would pull the thread and the teeth would come off. We also waited until the very last minute until the teeth is loose and mum would pull the teeth with her fingers. I was not scared at that time because somehow I knew it was my mum who was going to do it. I supposed it was the natural feelings of trust that I had with mum.

There was also this one time when my teeth was not very loose but mum insisted on pulling it off. I was afraid of the pain that I could be experiencing so I tried my best to talk her out of it but my effort was in vain. She made a decision based on the concept of ‘mum knows best’ and the next minute I knew, one quarter of her right palm was in my mouth. Her fingers were wriggling my teeth slow and steady. I did not cry but I felt how fast my heart was beating at that time. The wriggling continued until I could taste blood when I was swallowing. The minute that happened, I knew it was going to come off soon. My heart beat even faster and mum somewhat used a little bit of force to pull out the teeth and it did come off and slipped from mum’s fingers into my mouth. I was overcome with surprised, pain and shocked, I blew out the teeth out of my mouth, and it landed on my mum’s lap. She laughed at it and it took me awhile to digest what really happened actually. Mind you Diary, what happened was quite an ordeal for me. Well, what do you expect? I was six for crying out loud.

I also recall how I hated so much to go to the dentist in school. I became afraid and cursed silently in my heart every time when some pupil from other class walked in to my classroom to give the dentist card to the teacher in charge. Upon receiving the card, the teacher in charge would call out the name of the student. I always prayed in my heart that it was not going to be me. The fear that I have with doctors and dentist or anybody that uses a white robe as some kind of a uniform at work is beyond description. I have had it since I was young. I hate the clinics, hospitals, doctors, dentist and nurses. I do not fancy them at all.

I recollect how I was called to go to the dentist during the school holidays when I was in primary one. My dad had to take leave from work just to send me to the school’s dentist. I had wished earlier that my dad would forget the appointment but he did not and my regret was beyond description. When I got to the dentist, they were happily waiting for me. The nurses made small talks with my dad and I just stood there. My palms were sweaty and my knees were weak. My heart was beating as though it was bouncing a hundred times a minute. Imagine the fear that enveloped me.

The dentist called me and I went to the seat and lay my body there. I opened my mouth and she did her job. It seemed nothing serious was to take place at that time. I was happy and thought that I could leave soon. I was let down. She took something from the cabinet and I saw she was holding something big. I could not make it out what was it at that time but it was big. It was like a giant syringe with big needle. Now Diary, when a six-year-old kid who has an existing phobia of dentist saw something like that, wouldn’t she be panicked? As I saw that, I cried out and I got up from my seat. I ran out to my father and the dentist chased after me. I thought my father would just bring me home but he did not. Instead, he sweet-talked me into going back to the room so that the dentist can finish her job.

Now as a kid, I was very obliging to my parents. I have never once talked back or ignored them when they told me things to do. In addition, my dad, he was such a sweet talker. Therefore, I did what he asked me to do. I was already crying but I knew I would not be able to outrun them even if I ran and I was obviously outnumbered and out strengthed. When I was on the chair, again the dentist took the big giant syringe and one more time I got terrified. My dad was sitting next to me and he held my hands so I could not blocked or closed my mouth with my hands. Anyway, out of fear anything was possible I guessed. I shut my mouth tight, not wanting to open it up. Since the dentist had to hold the syringe with both hands, my dad had to force open my mouth and when he did that, he had to let go of my hands and so I held on his hands to my mouth and Diary, guess what I did to his hands? I bit them. And trust me I really bit them hard. My dad cried out a little. The dentist gave up and dad could not do anything else except settle for the last resort; my mum.

You know how every one of my siblings are afraid of mum don’t you Diary? My mum is like this dragon where she can blow out fire from her nostrils or mouth or whatever openings she has in her body when she is mad. Dad called mum to come to my school and I was angrier to my dad then. I felt betrayed and so fearful of the implications when mum arrives. By then, I was already up from the chair and I was standing by the doorway crying. Tears were streaming down my face. I was tired, scared and angry with everybody especially my dad for calling my mum. He knows that was and still is my weakness.

When mum arrived, she just gave me that infamous look that she would give everyone of us when she deemed we have misbehaved in public. I saw that look and my knees grew even weaker. And I supposed you know what happened next. Whatever the dentist wanted to do to my teeth, it was done smoothly without interruptions. My dad need not hold my hands. My dad need not sit next to me to calm me down. All thanks to mum, the iron woman with that powerful effective killer look that makes me tame as a kitten.

Single and Happy...

Dear Diary,

I woke up early today when my mum called my name. I did not yell out to her because I was too sleepy. I went to bed at three in the morning last night. I did some work online. Have I told you that I am making money online nowadays? I was looking out for other opportunities making money online last night. You can do so many stuffs to generate income online. I found three methods last night. I only have to experiment it later and see if it works for me. The volume is not big yet for us, but I am sure it will grow eventually. Rolly Polly and I are on the roll now. I supposed both of us are focusing our energy into making money. There is no more time to hope for love anymore. Two friends whose hearts are broken who turned their time and energy into something else. We can choose to be depressed and sorry for ourselves but no, we are not. I admire our spirits Diary. I really do.

I have not dreamt about Flying Babe for a couple of weeks now. Instead, I dreamt of my late brother more. He never spoke in my dreams. He will just appear but he never spoke a word. Someone told me before than if a dead man appeared in your dream and never spoke a word, which means it is he who appeared. I supposed that is true.

I dreamt of Peppermint three nights ago when I was in Tangkak. It was unusual because I have never met her. We became better acquainted online and it is amazing how she can come into my dream. It amazes me so much to think of it. You know Diary, when I look at her pictures, she reminds me a little of Flying Babe. Not that she resembles the whole look but her eyes seem similar to that of Flying Babe.

I wonder how Flying Babe is doing now and if she is thinking about me like how I do about her. Whenever she text me after she gets my letters, she will call me the name she called me when we were an item. I do not know what to figure out from that. She often sends me text messages that contain all those pre typed forwarded messages about friendship, life and love. They all mean good and sometimes too superficial to me. Since she received the last letter, the text messages have stopped. That just confirmed that I screwed up in that last letter.

At times, I wanted so much to ask her if we can start all over again. However, after, looking at my situation now with all the travelling I have to make, I changed my mind. My friends laughed at me a little when they know that I am still not over her. They think that I am wasting my time and effort for a love that is not coming back to me. Well, what can I say Diary the love is still here in my heart. It is okay if she is not coming back to me. I can live with that because I know how much she trusted me when we were together. Nevertheless, if my heart still wants to love her, then just let it be. You can say what you want to me Diary. I will not budge.

Gummy Bear has been busy since she graduated. We meet less nowadays. She is busy working while I am busy travelling. Gummy Bear and her partner have been on a roller coaster ride. I got very naughty sometimes that I call her partner crazy. I somewhat were pissed and annoyed with her partner. She does not trust Gummy Bear at all even after four years of relationship. Gummy Bear is such an angel and I just cannot figure out why her partner would find it so hard to trust her. I always had to watch how Gummy Bear had to avoid answering her phone if the phone call is from her partner. I also had to co operate how to mute myself in the car or at my house when I was with Gummy Bear so she could answer her phone call from her partner without having her partner suspicious of her whereabouts. I grew sick of it sometimes. It is probably because I have been single long enough to appreciate my own privacy and freedom. It can also mean that I am beginning to enjoy all the liberty I have to do what I want and go where I want.

You see Diary, being single is not so bad at all. I am a free woman, literally able-bodied woman. Honestly, I am afraid if I were to bump into a woman that can make my heart jumps again. Because, I have begun to shower myself with many doses of prep talks about the goodness of being single but not lonely.