Dear Diary,
Sometimes I wish I can read what is on people’s mind but I was not born with a sixth sense so I have to depend on my instincts. I wrote Peppermint an email with the contents that is so typical of me. I did not think that I had said anything inappropriate. I was teasing, joking and sounding cheeky in the email. I guess that is just me you know. I can do all those without even have the intention to do them literally. I am always saying cheeky stuffs but never meant anything about it, always sweet-talking without being serious about it. She knew that, in fact she mentioned it in one of her emails to me. It is just long-winded to explain. I think I will just let it rest.
It is funny that people ask when you do not be yourself, and it is even funnier that people ask when you are being yourself. Sometimes I do not know how to behave towards people. They are so hard to please but so easy to be tick. I guess people look at me in that way too as I am no different from them, a human being. I say wrong things at wrong times without having the slightest intention to sound rude, inappropriate or probably corny. Everybody tease each other, do we all not? However, I supposed we must still bear in mind to respect one another in the course of having conversations, jokes, work or play.
Sometimes I wish I can read what is on people’s mind but I was not born with a sixth sense so I have to depend on my instincts. I wrote Peppermint an email with the contents that is so typical of me. I did not think that I had said anything inappropriate. I was teasing, joking and sounding cheeky in the email. I guess that is just me you know. I can do all those without even have the intention to do them literally. I am always saying cheeky stuffs but never meant anything about it, always sweet-talking without being serious about it. She knew that, in fact she mentioned it in one of her emails to me. It is just long-winded to explain. I think I will just let it rest.
It is funny that people ask when you do not be yourself, and it is even funnier that people ask when you are being yourself. Sometimes I do not know how to behave towards people. They are so hard to please but so easy to be tick. I guess people look at me in that way too as I am no different from them, a human being. I say wrong things at wrong times without having the slightest intention to sound rude, inappropriate or probably corny. Everybody tease each other, do we all not? However, I supposed we must still bear in mind to respect one another in the course of having conversations, jokes, work or play.
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I am sure I did not say anything rude or offensive but it is just how she wants to accept it. I do not even have her number let alone having met her. We are only having a virtual friendship. There is no physical contact at all. I am not sure what she was thinking but I think I am just going to lay low for a while. If you do not know what to say, you do not speak, if you do not know what to write, you simply do not write. It is as easy as A, B, C. It does not take a genius to figure that one.
I went to bed at three in the morning last night. I spent time talking to Rolly Polly online. She was not feeling good and something just got into her. I do not know what was with her last night but I got a feeling that she was feeling lonely. We talked about stuffs and I had to give in to her. I did not want to create another debate session when I was already trying hard to stay awake for her sake. Sometimes I wish I could do miracles so I can make everybody I have known eternally happy. I truly appreciate what I have with her but I do not want to feel pressurized by it too. I just want to live like how it should be. I do not want to live under the pretext of something else. It is just so hard to explain. I wish I could have let it all out easily without considering other. I do not want any misunderstandings or accusations to occur at a later stage. My heart is reserved. I am reserved. I do not know when will these reservation end.
I went to bed at three in the morning last night. I spent time talking to Rolly Polly online. She was not feeling good and something just got into her. I do not know what was with her last night but I got a feeling that she was feeling lonely. We talked about stuffs and I had to give in to her. I did not want to create another debate session when I was already trying hard to stay awake for her sake. Sometimes I wish I could do miracles so I can make everybody I have known eternally happy. I truly appreciate what I have with her but I do not want to feel pressurized by it too. I just want to live like how it should be. I do not want to live under the pretext of something else. It is just so hard to explain. I wish I could have let it all out easily without considering other. I do not want any misunderstandings or accusations to occur at a later stage. My heart is reserved. I am reserved. I do not know when will these reservation end.
If I could just heal her heart with one embrace, I would do that. If it were so easy to mend a broken heart like what it says in all sad love songs, I would be the first in queue. Did I put myself into this? Do you know Diary? Gosh, there is so much to say about this. When the heart matters, it is always difficult. All the knowledge I possess everyone else can acquire, but my heart is all my own. I used to be bold. I fix my broken heart in a day or two. I never had trouble moving on and forward until I started to live alone.
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Living alone makes me a sensitive person and empathetic to my surroundings. I do self-reflections often and that gives me room and space to feel. Yes Diary, I feel a lot nowadays. Little things catch my attention more than the big things. I want to be happy but I also want the people I love to be happy and if I could help in any sense, I would not mind. Nevertheless, I still want to be true to myself. I must have control of the authorship of my own destiny. The pen that writes my life story must be held in my own hand because I know the life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, and writes another.
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