I spent half the night coughing my lungs out. I couldn't have a sound sleep. I woke up almost every hour coughing for about two minutes. It was torturing. I bought peppermint cough syrup and some fisherman's friend lozenges. I haven't been to the doctor. I still do not think it is necessary. My fever seems to be coming back. I really hope that I will be well before I start work at YOG.
How are you Diary? I hope you are in the pink of health. Everybody seems to be sick. I hope you are not because I want you to read my stories and I want to tell you more about my life. I have no children and no girlfriend that I can pass down my life stories to. But I do have you and I do not want you to get sick on me. I do not know what would I do without you in my life. You have been around for the past five years. I still remember how I started to write to you after my brother died. You know Diary, everytime I have this sadness or happiness in my life, you will always be the one that comes up to my mind. I always have this eagerness inside me to write to you telling you how I would feel about it all. You read and you never judge me, that is why I have so much respect for you. People may say that I am silly you know but then again, what do they know. It is a good thing that I am not easily affected by others. I suppose that is how we have our own stand.
My headache is gone you know. I do not have that pounding headache anymore. I have always noticed that it only attacks me when I am in Subang. I guess it is the cigarettes that cause the headache. Would you believe me if I have not been smoking for three months? I do not even crave for a stick. It does not surprise me anyway. I have done this a couple of times. That is the reason why I never claimed I have quit. I stopped and I picked it up again. But I can see that it is most likely that I will stop for a long time. Cigarettes are expensive here and being in Singapore living under one roof with my family, smoking is a NO-NO. My body is probably happy with me. With no nicotine in my body, I suppose I am leading a healthy lifestyle.
I miss my life in Subang. Many of the other agents have asked me what was I doing in Malaysia when there are many Malaysians who are working and living in Singapore. I can understand their curiosity because Singapore has stronger currency than Malaysia and many Malaysians works here taking advantage of the exchange rate. Well, what can I say Diary. I have wanted to live in Malaysia since I was eighteen years old. I only got to achieve my dream ten years later.
After living there for almost five years, I had to come back to Singapore. I have learnt so much while I was there. I have gone through so many things. They taught me things I never learnt in schools. I have to admit that I began to respect the government of my country more when I was away. It is natural to feel that way isn't it Diary? Absence make the heart grows fonder. I began to understand the government's policies and why there are so many rules and laws that we just have to abide. Mostly, it has to do with the economy and social issues of the country on why certain policies are drafted and implemented. Nevertheless, my heart still wants to be in Malaysia, I can feel it Diary. But to the interest of my own economy, I have to be in Singapore. I have plans to make a comeback but only when I am cash rich and I know I will be.
My family especially my parents have so much hope for me. I suppose they know my capabilities. I can only focus myself on work and business. I can never focus myself on studies. I get sidetrack easily. Not that I got deviated from studies into drugs or crime, but I always got deviated into work or business. I have this dream to be a businesswoman since I was five years old. I recall how my aunts asked me what do I want to be when I grow up, and I answered them that I wanted to be a 'boss' with so much confidence.
I always laugh at that memory. Reminiscing at that memory makes me happy as I am who still love something I loved in the nursery. I have not been broken in two by time; I am not two women, but one, and I have saved not only my soul but my life. I bring to mind on how I used to play as a peddler selling food. I cut small pieces of paper and turned them into money. I had all this imaginary customers when I was playing. Whatever imaginations I had when I was a kid, no matter what my brothers and I were playing, one thing remained the same throughout, I was always the boss. You know how kids can be so innocent and believing. So, like a forgotten fire, a childhood can always flare up again within us. I suppose I am still that kid Diary. And maybe someday somehow, I will figure all it out.
I always laugh at that memory. Reminiscing at that memory makes me happy as I am who still love something I loved in the nursery. I have not been broken in two by time; I am not two women, but one, and I have saved not only my soul but my life. I bring to mind on how I used to play as a peddler selling food. I cut small pieces of paper and turned them into money. I had all this imaginary customers when I was playing. Whatever imaginations I had when I was a kid, no matter what my brothers and I were playing, one thing remained the same throughout, I was always the boss. You know how kids can be so innocent and believing. So, like a forgotten fire, a childhood can always flare up again within us. I suppose I am still that kid Diary. And maybe someday somehow, I will figure all it out.
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