I Am Sensitive

I Am Sensitive

Sunday, March 21, 2010

The Things I do to Them...

Dear Diary,

We have found a house and have signed the letter of intent last Friday. We went to the house once again to have second viewing after we signed the LOI. The new house is much smaller than the current house. It is understandable since we are downgrading. The house is not in its original condition. Many renovations have been carried out by the previous owner so that leaves us with an advantage. That was the intention actually. When we went for house hunting, we had in mind to find a house that does not require lots of renovation works. All of us thought that this house is the right one for us although it is smaller in size than the current one. It is in a move in condition despite the fact that dad wants to do a little change here and there.

How are you Diary? It is Sunday and I am home alone. Mum went to work, dad had to go to his office to monitor the pruning of trees and my brother went for his marathon training. I might go out in a while to get lunch. I am feeling a little 'tako' today. I might just have it for lunch. Hang Tuah and Hang Jebat are sleeping on the couch. You know Diary whenever I see them, I cannot deny the love I have for them. We have grown so attached to each other that I think I will definitely feel the loss if they are gone. My parents are going to bring them to Tangkak when they finally retire. I cannot imagine how lost but happy they will be when they are eventually there. The house is big enough for them to run around. I know they always like to play catching and when they run, they really run fast. I have this picture of them running from the living hall to the kitchen freely without any obstructions and I also picture them exploring the porch and backyard.

Oh Diary, I have to be honest that I worry they might just wander off and get lost. The house in Tangkak is built on our own land. Surrounding the house is other people's land. Empty and vacant, filled only with long grass and trees. Knowing how curious and inquisitive cats can be, they might just wander off in excitement. Although the house is gated, I am sure they can just slip and wriggle themselves underneath the entrance gate. Perhaps only Hang Tuah can do that because he is thin but I do not think Hang Jebat would be able to do that. Do you know that he weighs 8kg now? He does nothing but eats and sleeps. He plays too but I think he eats more than he plays.

When he is sleeping, I would just come up to him and lay my head on his stomach. He would push my head with his palm and I would just push his palms back with my head. Sometimes I poke his stomach and slap him on his butt. Everytime I see him, I would get this feeling of 'Geram' because he is so fat and heavy that you just want to give him a tight hug and hold him in your hands. I think he is so afraid of me that everytime I walk pass him, he would hide under the table. He fails to know that the more he hides from me, the more I want to hold him. I would just pull his legs from under the table to put him in between my legs and I would squeeze him hard until he makes a sound. Then I would carry him in my arms as though he is a baby and I would rock him, gently at first and then roughly the next. Then he would become scared because he is so timid. He would try to escape but i hold him so tight that he couldn't run.

You know Diary, when you hold Hang Jebat, you really feel that you are hugging a big and heavy teddy bear. The good thing about it all, he is alive! They are so adorable. I cannot call it a day without touching or squeezing them. They can act as a theraphy product for me. Whenever I get stress and tense, they really can calm me down. When they sleep on the floor, I would just press their stomach with my feet. Of course I do not do it hard, just softly you know. Then I would just bend down and rub their neck and tummy and I would pinch their cheeks so hard that I feel burdens of worries just lifted up from my shoulders. The good thing about them is they do not complain even when I pull their tails and that is why I love them. I am probably rough with them but I do not think I have hurt them physically. It is just that 'Geram' feeling that I have. Seeing something so cute and adorable, big and fat, wouldn't you have that feelings Diary?

If I am really feeling that 'Geram', I would just wrap them around with a blanket and I would bite them on their neck. It doesn't hurt them because they always have extra skin on their neck. Their mother carry them by biting their necks too, am I right Diary? It is just so silly and crazy the things people do just to release that inner feelings of emotions inside us or perhaps, it is just me who does it? Well, I am sure some other people would do that too.

Oh well Diary, I have to go now. I want to shower and go out for lunch. It is really good to be back home. I miss Subang Jaya and my car but I know I am here for reasons that only Allah knows. I should just be contented that I still have a loving and supportive families and friends, roof over my head, food on the table and clothes to wear. I am sure if I just focus and be patient, I will be there someday. To my mum, dad and brother and all the good friends I have made online and offline, I love you all and I will never forget your good deeds to me. I carry your prayers in the background with a strong belief that God helps those who help themselves. I am an optimist. I am not a pessimist because a pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities and an optimist is one who makes opportunities of his difficulties.


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