Dear Diary,
It is a public holiday today and I have spent my time sleeping during the day. I had been waiting for this day to come because I am simply tired and really need this holiday to catch up on sleep. I woke up as usual as though I had to go to office today. I tried to go back to sleep but I could not. I supposed since I have had this job, I have developed the habit of waking up early in the morning over time. I had my breakfast and I started doing my own things then.
I planned to write to you yesterday but fatigue got the better of me. I wish I would have the superpower that would make me invincible to fatigue so that I will have all the time on earth to do my things. My day was surprisingly good yesterday especially at work. I felt like shouting ‘Alhamdulillah’ aloud. My heart was beating with excitement, as the sale I have made was superb. It was not the best sale I have ever made but it was amazing as the leads that we have got from the banks were bad. I am an inch far to achieving my October targeted sales volume. I have Thursday, Friday until the month ends, and I am confident that I will make it. But then again, really, anything is possible. I am ten thousand away from my target, it may seem easy but honestly, it will not be as easy as it may seem. I am afraid to be confident but at the same time I am sure I am able to achieve it.
How are things at your end Diary? We are coming close to the end of the year and I am two months away from ending my contract. I am still a little confused of what I want to do. There are a few options that I have but I simply do not know what suits me best. Maybe I do know what it is but I am somewhat afraid to carry it out that I am not sure if I have the support that I would need. I know I am able to source the financial support but I am not sure if I am able to find the physical support that I need most. I am sure I can find people to work for me but I am not confident that they may be the right persons. It takes time to develop a business. Yes, I may have the experience but I have to admit I need to feel safe. It is hard to explain, as coming together is a beginning, keeping together is progress and working together is success.
I can always stay with the bank but honestly, I do not think I can handle the stress everyday. I do not like to be burden with the stress of achieving my sales target day after day. I have dreamt about my job and it is difficult for me to take time off from work, as I know a day away from work can affect my monthly sales. It is good because it makes me very disciplined and efficient staff but it is also bad, as I will have constant fear to take time off from work. I am not supposed to feel this way. This is what I have become Diary. I want a job that enables me to make big bucks but not a job that makes me afraid to even be on sick leave. I come to work even when I am sick taking with me all the medicines I have just to make me feel better at work.
Do you understand what I feel about my job Diary? It is demanding. I appreciate what I have now. I can see all the effort I put in has paid off however I do not see myself holding to this job for the next two to three years time. I have always seen myself as the boss and I know what I am looking forward to but it is just the point of view deep inside me that I have right now. I need the pillar Diary. It is more than moral support that I need. I need her to be here with me. It will definitely make me a stronger person. There is always a woman behind every man’s success and I need the woman to be here with me, physically. It is a lot of hard work to put my plan together. It is simply insufficient to have money alone. Oh Diary…I hope you know that nobody can do it alone. No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent. The nice thing about teamwork is that you always have others on your side.
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