Travelling Towards My Dream

Dear Diary,

I was supposed to go to Little India after work today to meet up with my family for dinner but I changed my mind and went home after I had my dinner alone at Northpoint. My head was spinning and I was starting to see doubles of everything. I felt that my head was as heavy as a coconut and it would have fallen off from my body if it were not connected to my neck. I often feel this way nowadays. I am not sure why. It could be the constant stress from work or perhaps it could be the skipping of lunch everyday at work.

I could have had my lunch but in my work environment, I feel so afraid to leave my desk. Perhaps it is just me because I know how determined I can get if I really want something. I want everyday to be a good sales day for me but I know that is not going to happen because it simply cannot. Christmas does not happen everyday neither does Aidilfitri. Yesterday was a good sales day for me and today was simply average but it was enough for me to come close to achieving my monthly sales target. I am about two hundred thousand dollars away from my target and I truly hope I can achieve it this month. It will make a lot of difference if I do. 

For the time I have been here, I can only say that this job is not for those with faint hearted and weak in the mind. The mental state of mind needs to be strong as pressure is always there everyday to make sales. We have daily target to achieve and believe me Diary, it can really get its way into your mind, body and soul. I have dreamt about my job more often nowadays than the women I have been involved. It freaks me out sometimes. Patience and faith are the main ingredients one needs to have in this job. Along the way, skills and expertise could be learnt. The constant craving for good sales day will eventually make you become alert, aware and invincible to any objections thrown at you. 

I do not love my job Diary but I know I can do well in it if I stay long enough. It is a simple job, which suits me. There are not many physical works involved but the pressure is enormous. You have to pay attention to details and one simple mistake can be very disastrous. It involves money, transactions are made for millions of dollars everyday, and you simply cannot afford to do mistakes. That is what the bank expects from us but it is just impossible because to err is humans. I often remind myself that if I break my neck, if I have nothing to eat, if my house is on fire, then I got a problem.  Everything else is inconvenience. I guess that is how I survived thus far in this job because if I do not like something, I changed it; if I cannot change it, I simply change the way I think about it.

I am not sure if I will renew my contract. I am looking at other options. Remember about the job offer in KL I had? It is finalised but I am having second thoughts about it now. I cannot be sure if that is what I want. You know, working in the banks have gave me some kind of an eye opener that being self employed can really gives you the chance to make big money. I have seen it so many times from the bank’s pool of database. People as young or rather as old as I am have so much credit limits. Everytime I look at that, I tell myself that I want to be like that. I do not want to end up being an employee for the rest of my time. I want to be the employer and the boss of my own company. It is not easy I know that but I know that I have always wanted to be a boss since I was young. My mother used to ask me when I was five years old what did I want to be when I grow up. I had only one word as the answer for her; boss. To have my own business is the only constant thing in my mind since I was young. I have a passion for business and I supposed it is in food and beverage. I have had quite a fair period of experience in the food and beverage business and perhaps that is why I feel close to it. 

When I got this job, I really did not know what the plan I should have for myself was. However, after working for one month, I began to have a plan for myself. I have an idea of where to get the funds to start a small-scale food and beverage business and know what I have to do in order to achieve it now. I am thankful that this job somehow or rather tells me that there are ways to get around you simply have to know and explore. One has to remember the secret of success in life is for a man to be ready for his opportunity when it comes. I am seeing an opportunity for me now but there are still couples of distance I have to travel before I am able to accomplish it.

So do you see the reason now why I have not taken any medical or annual leave from work? This is the reason, I need to make my daily sales, and I need to achieve my monthly sales volume. The pay slips have to be impressive because that will make it easier. The visions that I have for myself, it is just wonderful if it comes into reality. I want to be able to go beyond what I can achieve. I want to accomplish something big in my life. This is not my short-term goal Diary; it is my long-term goal. I know Rome is not built in a day and neither is success. Success comes with a price tag. Having been lived in Kuala Lumpur for almost five years have taught me so many things that I know I would not learn in schools. 

My dream has not come true yet but I am working on it. It is such a long way Diary. I am still at the first stage of achieving it. I am trying so hard to do my level best but my only concern is will I be able to sustain? Patience is a most necessary qualification for business and I am somewhat thankful that I am stubborn naturally because I will stubbornly persist, and I know I will find that the limits of my stubbornness go well beyond the stubbornness of my limits.