Dear Diary,
I just took shower and had my dinner. My life has become so mundane nowadays that I have got so accustomed to it. I have always missed you Diary. Sometimes I wonder if you were a real person, what I would make you to be. How was your day Diary? My day has been fulfilling and rewarding. My sale was good and I exceeded my personal sales target. It was a good start in the morning. For the first four hours, I have closed sixty thousand worth of sales. I was happy and grateful but at the same time, I was mentally preparing myself to face the possibility of working for the next four hours without any sales.
Yes, it is like that in my course of work because I am not the top sales person who can easily make one hundred over thousand worth of sales daily or who close deals every hour. That is how stressful it can get. At times, I will hear my colleagues closing sales after sales while I would be struggling to make yet my first sales. It is because of that perhaps why I have forgotten about the miseries I used to have. it is also because of that, that I have little time to be sorry about why I had to come back to Singapore. To be focus in my sales kept me away from my dreamland. I have very little time to myself now and that probably explains why I have not put my thoughts down.
I went home today with my colleague and we talked a bit. I never really like to mingle around with my colleagues that much but I guess this is out of my control. You see Diary, she lives one train stop away from where I live and it is only natural that she would invite me to go home together with her. So we talked on our way home and we talked about our love life. Somehow, she had to ask me some personal question, which I had to tackle very carefully. I had to lie that I was engaged, but unfortunately, my fiancé died in a car crash. I had to do it because I knew telling her the truth would be suicidal.
That is the thing about being myself. I have to put this false front and stick to one story that I have coached myself to remember for the rest of my life. It is a story to hide the real reason why I am still not married at this age. I wish life would be easier as a gay. You and I know that is not going to happen unless we live in Hollywood dramas like the ‘L Word’ where the drama revolves around the lives of a group of lesbians. Deep down inside my heart, I wish I would be able to live in a world like that where I can be open about my homosexuality without worrying of being discriminated. It is sad to think about it, how we have to watch what we say and do just to stop people from judging. What is straight? A line can be straight, or a street, but the human heart, oh, no, it's curved like a road through mountains. My own belief is that there is hardly anyone whose sexual life, if it were broadcast, would not fill the world at large with surprise and horror.
I am mostly alone now. Hello Kitty is quite a distant away and I am not sure if I ever get to be close to her again. You can say that we are enjoying a long distance relationship now. It is good for the both of us. In times like this I supposed Hello Kitty has been strong. She takes it like a woman having to be apart from me. She does not complain neither does she whine. She embraces the decision with an open heart. I know there are many out there who do not enjoy long distance relationship. Everybody has a preference, right? I
t is not my preference but if it is a decision I have to accept then I will respect it and learn how to live with it. Hello Kitty may be the most important woman in my life now. I have never shown her how much I need her in my life neither have I let her known what she means to me. I have become so reserved about my feelings nowadays. I have not been expressive towards her probably because I am too comfortable with her that even the silence and distance between us cannot break that bond. Sometimes two people need to step apart and make a space between that each might see the other anew, in a glance across a room or silhouetted against the moon.
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