They Deserve It

Dear Diary,

I am home alone. I received a text message from Flying Babe today telling me not to be an angry bird and appreciate the time I have with my family. I guessed she has just read you Diary. I am not angry. At the time I wrote my entry, I was thinking how trusting I was with people. I was thinking how kind I was. I was always honest telling them stories about myself because to me I was sincere about our friendship. I was always being straightforward and truthful, regardless if I have met them or not.

Of course I did not reveal everything about myself but I do not hide the little details. No Diary, I did not share my bank account numbers with them neither did I share my home address or my personal identification number but I do share with them stories of my life. Beautifulwithbrain, kamen and Biya, they were all hush hush about their lives. I do not even know what car they drive. It was so difficult for them to tell and when I asked, some simply say that they are just like that; not willing to share personal details easily with people they met online. 

At that time, we were already chatting for more than a year and we are friends in Facebook. I have a collection of albums in my Facebook and we were not just communicating online, we chatted on the phone as well. Beautifulwithbrain was secretive about how she looks like but she was willing to talk to me offline. We often chatted by voice chat on Yahoo Messenger. As far as I remembered, I only asked for her photos once and when she had so many terms and conditions, I stopped asking. Ironically, she always asked me for photos and I always obliged. In fact, she did not need to ask, my photo collections are all in my Facebook account. She is free to see them. Kamen on the other hand was not shy about how she looks like but she was shy about talking on the phone. She does not pick up when I call and she does not speak if we were on Yahoo Messenger voice chat. So you see Diary, how weird people can be? And the funny thing is all of them never fail to admit that they were ikhlas to be my friends. 

I swear to God I did not understand the fuck they meant. People are just being people you know. I am not sure if I should respect their wish or just pretend to be plain stupid. It sounded ironic and it made me feel like a bloody fool chatting with them, wasting my fucking time with them just so I could be one of the people, they would call a friend instead of just an acquaintance. I wonder what were they thinking when they chatted with me. I wonder why the hell did they chat with me for more than a year if they really do not have the intention to be friends. 

Just about this morning, Gummy Bear send me a voice message through whatsaap asking why has it been a long time since I last sent her a voice message. I was pissed. I was thinking, what the fuck? Yes I always greeted her with good morning almost everyday. I was always the one who initiated it until I decided to stop. I swear to God, it was always me to start it. Not once do I remember getting morning greetings from her first before I sent her mine. It is hard to explain. People might think that I am expecting the same thing for what I did but I am not. I don’t know how to explain Diary.

It is like you always ended up paying for food when you go out with a friend and you wonder when will that friend ever going to pay for your lunch or dinner you know. People get tired of situations if it happens continuously. People just lose steam and become disinterested. I told her off. I was not rude I am sure but I simply told her off and she probably felt like getting a tight slap in the face. She said “whatever” and I shot back “whatever wak lu…hahahaha”.

Biya is like that. Her respond pattern is the same like Gummy Bear. Hardly started the greetings first and always takes a long time to reply. Reasons being she is an auditor thus busy at work. I have stopped all forms of communication with all these people in my life. I believe my gut feelings and I always believe it is always about actions that show if you are ikhlas or not. If you want people to treat you good, then you have to lead by example. If you have done so and you feel that you are not appreciated, then it is time to move on. Everybody needs to move on. I have moved on from these people a long time ago. I have learned and I have been schooled.

I could not care less Diary. The theory is not difficult to fathom. It does not take a rocket scientist to comprehend. I was thinking, if Gummy Bear had noticed that I have not been sending her morning greetings like always, why couldn’t she start it for a change instead of sending me a message asking me why I have stopped. That’s the thing that ticked me. So, what is the deal exactly? Gummy bear only expects me to do so instead of her doing it to me. Is that what she was thinking? You get what I mean now Diary? If only she did not ask me that question and just greeted me with a hello, I would be fine with her. Perhaps it is true I am simply one hard bitch to please. Whatever you idiots. Ikhlas? Ikhlas wak lu! Your opinions don’t matter to me.