The News on New Year's Eve

Dear Diary,

Today is the last day of 2017. I wrote down the list of things to do daily and pinned it up in my bedroom as a reminder for me to be more discipline. It is just something that I know everybody must have. Successful people have this habit of writing their goals and dreams. I want to be successful too so I am following their habits.

I am all pumped and excited to welcome 2018 when I received a series of messages from Flying Babe. I knew I have this unspoken bond with her. A few days ago I have asked her if we could meet in Sabah as I have a ticket there. She answered me but it was not as I expected. I do not know how to describe it but it gave me some signal that some things are not right. My instinct still dominates.

She has been seeing somebody and it is a man. It started out as a casual friendship and then this man wants to be serious with her. He proposed to her and suggested to her to go for the marriage course which is compulsory if one wants to get married. She has not come to a decision yet. She is in a dilemma and she tells me because she does not want to feel guilty of giving me hope.

I was home alone. I read her messages and I paused for a while thinking. Honestly, I did not know how to react and I did not know what to say. I was confused. I wondered. I am not sure if I will ever find another love for other women like her again. We chatted for awhile. Emotions overcame me a little but I took control of it. I did not let myself engulfed in a state of sorry and anger. It has happened before two years ago and I felt the same kind of pain all over again. Somehow, I felt sorry for myself. I ponder at the idea of ever having someone to grow old with.

The conversation I had with her was neutral. I did not push her away. I did not blame her. It was more of a questions and answers session. It was about how we felt towards each other. For the first time in seven years, I finally admitted my feelings. I confessed to my plan two years ago before we stopped talking to each other. I had to let her know because I think she must know. I did not want to influence her I simply thought she should know.

If you ask me how I feel now. I have no answer for it. I have told you before I do not have any expectations anymore when it comes to love. I have stopped chasing people because it really hurt so much. At the end of the day, I am the one who has to wipe these tears. I am the one who has to learn how to heal and fix my broken heart. It can be too much for me to handle. It is painful Diary. Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go. I am ready for anything and if it means that I have to lose her to a man, then I will accept it like a man.  The final comfort that is small, but not cold:  The heart is the only broken instrument that works. Sometimes I wish I were a little kid again, skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts.

It is different this time because if she does not choose me then I might have to let her go permanently. Knowing she will get married soon to a man is not easy because it is real. An official marriage between a man and a woman is binding and it takes serious marital problems to break it. I did not ask about the man. I did not want to. He has the upper hand because he can be there for her no matter what. I can’t. I am just someone who is far and away who can only love from a distance. I know my chances are slim but I took my chances anyway. If I fail this time, at least I know I have failed with dignity. And if I fail, I know it is time for me to move on and move forward for real. I cannot turn back. I have to leave all memories and all feelings behind as I can never plan my future by the past. We should all be concerned about the future because we will have to spend the rest of our lives there. 

If you hear this message
      Wherever you stand
      I'm calling every woman
      Calling every man
We're the generation
      We can't afford to wait
      The future started yesterday
      And we're already late

Love from a distance, 

Me

I Spoke to Flying Babe

Dear Diary,

I haven’t told you yet about Flying Babe, have I?  Oh, wait, yes I have. We are on talking terms now and I am happy about it. We have talked for some time and I have learnt that she is finding a new job that suits her because she is sick and tired of flying. I can understand that. She flies from the wee hour in the morning and up to late at night. I supposed it has taken a toll on her. She is no longer with Air Asia X so she does not do long distance flights anymore. That’s what she chose as she told me she finds it easier this way and still, she can earn equally the same flying Air Asia X.

I sympathise with her predicaments and now I can see why she is always sleeping and feeling sleepy. She has put on weight, a lot of weight but I still feel the same about her. I guess when you have a soft spot for someone size does not really matter, does it? She has to lose some weight by a certain date otherwise she will have to stop working on the aircraft instead she has to work on the ground. I did not know Air Asia can be that strict. I suppose Singapore Airlines is like that too as I know these two airlines pay particular attention to the outlooks of their crews. Tell me about the crews working onboard Air Asia and Singapore Airlines, they are all so damn pretty. Drop dead gorgeous I would say.

She has given me a lot of her photos. From the time she was thin to the time she put on weight. I still keep all of them on my phone. I have plenty of her pictures now. I did not give her many of my photos as I do not have many selfies. I hate selfies. I simply do not believe in selfies. But perhaps, if we become close again, I think I will pick up the habit. I wonder who took her pictures when she travels. I often ask myself if she is seeing anybody. Yes, I ask myself when I know I will not know the answer. I don’t want to ask her as I know we are not supposed to ask questions to the answers we do not want to hear. But I think she is not seeing someone. It is just a wild guess I make up just to please myself.

There are many questions I want to ask her. Too many, I do not think she will have the time to answer. I want to ask her about the girl she made her girlfriend while she was in Lombok. Why did she agree to be her girlfriend? Why did it last only 2 weeks? Why does she still reads my blog after what happened between us two years ago? Was she angry when she read my post about my rant on her? I want to know. I need to know. I want to know where I stand in her life. At least, I can move on after I know. I don’t know how to ask her. She seems busy and always in need to sleep early. I got to ask her one day.

We have spoken on the phone for about 59 minutes. She wanted to phone me but I phoned her instead. We talked and I could hear her sweet voice again. There was a time when she laughed as I startled on the phone. I thought there was a lizard on my head but it was my hair and she laughed at my silliness. I like hearing her laugh because she has this sweet voice that you can never get enough. I still keep her voice message in my phone, never to hear but just to keep.

We are planning a short getaway. I want to spend time with her. It surely is going to be something I look forward to. I hope I have the chance to do it. If she can’t fit me into her schedule, then I will just come to USJ again and meet her.

PS: I have learnt to take the bulls by the horn

    

Stopping My Expectations

Dear Diary,

Do you know what can expectations do to you? It can do plenty of things. Firstly, whenever you do something for others, do not expect anything in return. If you have feelings for another, do not expect the feelings are mutual. To safeguard yourself, stop having any expectations especially when it involves another human. Life is not easy you will one day appreciate my advice. In reality, expectation is the worst of all evils, because it prolongs man's torments. 

However, when you look at expectations from another point of view, it can make you thrive into somebody. I have often heard people say, always push yourself to your limits so you know where you stand. I somewhat agree with this when it comes to chasing your dreams. What are your dreams Diary?    

My dreams are aplenty. I want to be financially strong. I want to climb all the mountains I have not climbed before. I want to be able to take my parents on holidays. I want to drive a Toyota Fortuner and a Toyota Harrier. I want to be a professional full-time Foreign Exchange trader. I want to be a successful E-Commerce entrepreneur. I want to be able to live a carefree life and be cash rich from the things I do for a living; Forex and E-Commerce. I want to grow my Forex account to USD10,000. I want to have a life partner that shares my visions and missions. I want to grow old with her. I want her to be my source of inspirations and motivations. Those are the major things I want in my life.

I am still studying Forex. I have lost USD4000 in Forex which is equivalent to RM16,000. I am not giving up and I will not give up. I am just training myself to accept defeat like a real Forex trader. I still trade but I trade with a journal nowadays. I plan my trade and I enter the market only when there is a setup. I study 4 major pairs diligently and I enter the market on the pairs I have the most confidence. I watch my money management carefully. I am training myself to trade professionally because that is what I want to be. I am growing my account and I want to reach USD10K one day.

I am still in the midst of setting up my E-Commerce store. I have not launched it yet. I am building my store. I have bought the domain and came up with a name. I need capital to launch this store. Not much capital is needed. I need to set aside a budget for advertising. I am going to use Facebook marketing.

So you see Diary, I am keeping myself busy with all these. They do not take up much time and I will become so free after that. I am thinking of finding another thing to do. Perhaps I can try Uber or Grab. I don’t know Diary, we will see. I am still surviving by keeping my expectations on Forex and E-commerce high but my expectations on love as low as possible. I am not sure if there is still love left for me out there. It is just so difficult to get nowadays. At this age, I have become shy to ask and be bold in love. I am just a different person than before. I do not dare to pursue love anymore even though I feel it. I am afraid of rejections, yes, that is what keeps me from pursuing. I am simply treasuring whatever I have now. Where expectations would otherwise become hopelessness, it becomes faith.  

I will write to you again Diary.

Ps: I hope people are not expecting anything from me too as I have stop expecting anything from people. 

My Socially Awkward Self

Dear Diary,

My mouth hurt very much. My braces keep poking my lips on the right and the left side of my mouth. It is very painful and it is making me feeling very uncomfortable when I eat outside. I usually put cotton ball in between the braces and my lips when the pain becomes unbearable. I cannot wait to remove the brace. I have made a vow to myself when I finally remove the brace I will feast on chili crab and mantou, I am not sure if I spell it correctly or you know what it is. It is the fried buns in the Chinese restaurant. I haven’t eaten crab since the day I wear the braces. I am sure I will eat those crabs with a vengeance.

On the night I met up with Nikita, we had dinner at Seoul Garden. I came to Subang Jaya on Friday and I went to meet her for dinner immediately. It was not a good place to have dinner on a first date. It was noisy and the seating arrangement was right next to another couple. It was difficult to chat and often, we had to get up and walked to the food counters to collect the food. It was a bad choice. I managed to drive from Tangkak to Putrajaya without getting lost. Thanks to Waze. It was my first time using Waze and it was great. I used data roaming and thankfully signal was strong so I did not have any trouble finding my ways.

I got there earlier than she did. Her office was just fifteen minutes away that was why I decided to go straight for dinner without checking in to my hotel first. I needed to save time. I did not want to get caught in traffic. I stayed in my car while waiting for her. I did not know what to expect. It has been a long time since I had a date. I am not sure if that was even a date. It was just casual dinner you know Diary. But really, I haven’t done it for a very long time so things were awkward when I met her. I walked to Seoul Garden and she was already there. I did not know where she was sitting but when I came in, she waved at me and I thought to myself, wow, this woman knows my face by hard. From all the pictures she saw on my Facebook and Instagram, she could tell from a distance it was me. I was kind of impressed.

I smiled at her and walked slowly towards her. I did not look at her. I looked elsewhere because I was shy to have any eye contacts. This is me, never wanting to have any eye contacts. I always try to avoid eye contacts when I feel shy. So there I was, standing right in front of her feeling very awkward. I smiled at her and sat down. We looked at each other and she looks the same in photos. She has this sweet look that somehow caught my attention. I have noticed this even in her pictures. Simple but sweet, get what I mean?

So she asked me what flavour of soup I wanted. She asked me to make a choice. I had to make a choice and out of courtesy, I checked with her first if she would agree. She did and there we go, Korean BBQ Buffet dinner with chicken soup. I had so much difficulty eating with the braces and all. I felt miserable, why did I even suggest to her Seoul Garden when I jolly well know my condition. I chatted a bit with her and I find that she is soft-spoken. She is not loud at all and that made me comfortable. After dinner, we walked a bit. She excused herself to go pray while I waited for her. When she came back, we searched for the carpark where I parked my car. I had forgotten where I exited. I did not pay attention to the shops. I did not want to make her search with me because I knew it would be troublesome for her, so I asked her to leave first as we both had to get up early the next morning for our hike.

She obliged and she left asking me if I was sure about it. I was not sure but I did not want to trouble her. I think being single for too long has made me become awkward with her. I did not impress her I think. I am disappointed with myself. Oh never mind Diary, I am not girlfriend material anyway.

I got to go now. I need to study forex.

PS: I am tired of being sensitive.  

My Sabah Adventure Part 3

Dear Diary,

I am feeling a little discouraged these few days. I know why but I think it will go away soon. I will continue my story on Sabah. So I reached the summit successfully and I climbed down as soon as I can. I did not want to wait that long. I came down with some of the group members and we took some photos. Eventually, we split up and I was left alone.

I passed the Donkey’s Ear peak, Ugly Sister’s peak and also some of the popular summits of Kinabalu. You do know that Kinabalu has many peaks and the peak that climbers usually summit is Low’s Peak, don’t you? Not many people know about this but climbers who did their homework first would know. I passed these peaks and I was not very keen to take photos. I stood there and admired these natural beauties with my own eyes. I did not have this chance 21 years ago. I was young and could not really internalise natural beauties. All I knew at that time was to climb Kinabalu. It was not about appreciating and valuing it. Things are different now. We age and we began to understand the importance of being grateful.

Sarah and Nad made it to the top too. The three of us made it and that made this trip complete. I was worried if either one of us did not make it. But thankfully we all reached the summit. We checked in at the hotel as planned. We extended our stay and White Water Rafting at Padas River was one of our activities. I have done White Water Rafting but not Grade 4. I was excited and I supposed so were they.

We were picked up at 5am from our hotel. The transport sent us to Beaufort train station and from there we boarded the train to the starting point. The journey was interesting and something which I will remember for life. The train ride was a classic one with carriages from the olden days. Non-air-conditioned, wooden floorboard, wooden benches and people mostly sat on the floor. We did that and it was amazing.

When we got there, changing rooms were provided for those who need to change clothes. There were lockers and we were required to keep our belongings and valuables. Any other things were not allowed except for your sunglasses and what is on your body. I had to keep my DSLR but it was a good thing they provided photographers at certain points of the river. These photographers are professional kayakers. They will go ahead of you, park themselves and get ready to shoot you with their DSLR.

Sarah, Nad and I together with other 2 guides were in the same boat. So there were 5 of us. It was not crowded and I was glad. You will know why soon. We were briefed about safety procedures and also the standard water rafting commands. We were told what to do if the boat capsized or if we go overboard. I somehow knew what to do as I have done rafting before, I knew what to expect but what I did not expect was to go overboard.

I thought I had it good. I listened to the instructions and I followed but if it was meant to happen, it will happen. I went overboard as I did not hold on to the rope tightly. As soon as I went into the water, I knew I had to survive. I went head first and I felt the water splashing hard on my face. I held my breath and I struggled to get to the surface. I knew I needed to breathe. The current was strong and I felt like I was an object in a spinning washing machine. My shoe almost came off and it tickles me that in spite of my situation right there and then, I still made effort to pull my shoe and secured it to my feet. I still laugh at myself thinking about it. When I was in the water and had surfaced, I tried to do the body raft as I was taught but it was difficult. I simply could not keep my body straight. When you do the body raft, your feet have to be at the front so that you can kick any obstacles in your way. I had so much trouble doing that. I tried to breathe but the water kept splashing at my face. Although I was floating, it was still difficult to breathe.

I really did not know how long I will be in the water and I was not sure if rescue was anytime soon but I suddenly felt someone held my life jacket from behind and I heard a voice saying,

“Don’t worry I am here…”

I turned to look at who it was and it turned out to be my rescue guide. Apparently, the minute he saw me fell overboard, he jumped into the water to rescue me. I was relief as he was beside me and I held on to his arms. I held him so tight I did not want to let go no matter what.

Soon, I felt a boat knocking me and I heard a voice saying,

“Hold on to the rope”

I looked up and it was the rescue boat and I did exactly what I was told when the rescue boat came. They pulled me up and I tried to get a grip. I pulled myself hard as soon as I secured my feet into the boat. It was difficult pulling yourself up like that. I calmed myself down and I transferred to my boat. Sarah and Nad were worried. They thought I was drowned and I chuckled. It was an experience I would never forget. I think I know what it is like now to drown and I know what people will go through minutes before they are drowned. I am thankful I am still alive. The life jacket saved me and the quick thinking guide ensured my safety. I will do it again but at other rivers.

Got to go Diary. I am sleepy.

PS: If I were to die, read me prayers.     

My Sabah Adventure Part 2

Dear Diary,

I have told you about the backpack that was lost. It was found and returned to the rightful owner merely hours before we started our climb. I am sure it was probably the best news for the owner. So there we were all packed up and ready to go. We were told to get ready by 530am which all of us did. However, the drivers did not wake up on time and we had to wait for more than an hour. I was pissed. There I was, already sleep deprived the days before and when I was punctual, I had to wait for people who did not take punctuality seriously.

We had no choice but to wait. He was the one to drive us to Kinabalu Park. There was no taxi in Kundasang. Furthermore, we had hired them to drive us. Apparently, I was not the only one who was pissed. We finally left the hostel at 7am. The registration for the climb took forever. Forms which we could fill up earlier should have been given to us the night before to speed up the registration process. I was somewhat disappointed with the organiser. He has done it so many times and I wonder why he is still not efficient. There were many things I saw he did not handle well and I do not think I will ever follow him again.

The climb was as usual. I had done it 21 years ago when I was 19. I did not remember much about the climb. It was so long ago I could not recall. I climbed at my own pace. Everybody has their own pace. I did not try to follow anybody’s pace. I was always alone. Sarah and Nad were far behind I did not even saw them. I felt different during the climb. I really did not think it was AMS but I think I had been attacked with AMS. I felt nausea and always felt like throwing up. That feeling slowed me down. I was not tired and I knew I had trained enough for this trip, there were no reasons for me to get tired. But there was something that held me back. I did not have to struggle but I always felt uncomfortable, like there was something in my throat waiting to come out. It made me sick. Nevertheless, I made it to Laban Rata. I was in the first group to arrive out of 25 people.

I was the only foreigner in the group so I had to sleep in a different hostel. I shared the room with another hiker from the Philippines. She was pretty and sweet, easy to communicate. She minded her own business while I did the same. We woke up at 1am and prepared for the second part of the climb. It was cold. I felt better when I moved as my body produces heat. Nad and Sarah were nowhere to be seen. They were far behind me but I could not wait for them as I had to hike at my own pace.    

  

The terrain was easy in this second part of the climb but the strong wind and cold made it difficult. Again I was attacked by AMS and that made it even worst. While I was walking I was seeing double and I felt so dizzy. I felt like throwing up but I was afraid to do so as Kinabalu does not have any trees or grass. It is a very clean mountain. We were told that we are not allowed to pee or poo anywhere on the mountain. I held back my urge to vomit and continued the climb. I walked slowly as I really felt uncomfortable with everything. The wind was too strong for me I felt the chill on my face. I did not have any face mask with me but my fleece jacket had this long neck warmer that I could pull up to my face. It really helped me a lot. My legs were not tired at all but the AMS was slowing me down.

I did not remember feeling like this 21 years ago. I was not told about AMS when I climbed it 21 years ago. The world climate has definitely changed and I could feel the vast differences between now and then. I was not prepared for this. I had prepared myself physically for this climb but not AMS. I had to admit defeat to it but I was determined to complete my task. I dropped myself to my knees, I covered my face with my palms and I kneeled down blocking the wind from blowing into my face. I was about to go to sleep when I heard someone calling out to me. It was a stranger about 3 meters away from me. He checked on me and that woke me up. I got up to my feet and asked him if we were still far. He said no and I knew that was a lie. I nodded to him and I told myself, I have come this far and I am not going to give up. I had to finish this climb. If I could do it 21 years ago, I could still do it now. I dragged my feet, how slow I was, I did not stop anymore. I just kept on going and going.

While I was walking, I visualized myself at the summit by the signboards. I carried on with whatever there was left in me to complete. I knew I still had so much strength but my perseverance was dampening. I did not know AMS had to be taken seriously. I kept telling myself I did take precautions. I hiked slowly, I did not rush myself, I took panadol before the climb but I still got it. I continued walking and I ignored all the negative thoughts I had. The last 20 meters was challenging. I did not remember having to climb vertically like this to the summit. I think they have changed the summit of Kinabalu since the earthquake. I honestly do not remember this part of the climb.

I paused a while, I took my time climbing to reach the peak. I was not panting but I was simply nausea. I had to throw up. I knew I had to. I reached the summit eventually at 610am. I waited until the peak was clear to take some pictures. I hated it. It was crowded with climbers and space was small. Taking pictures was difficult especially when climbers refused to get down from the summit. They hung around there as though there was so much space! I had only 3 pictures of mine with the signboard. I figured that was enough. There surely must be one picture that would turn out good, I said to myself.

I made my way back down after taking the pictures. I met Sarah with one of our guides and I told the guide I wanted to vomit. He told me to go ahead and not to hold it back. Upon hearing that, I looked for a suitable place and I threw up. I felt such relief after that. I made it Diary. It was difficult compared to 21 years ago. We lose energy as we aged and I am honestly proud of myself. I am proud because I beat many others who were younger than I am. I would not say I was the fastest but I was always in the first group. My physical training paid off and I have never been so proud of my achievements. Alhamdulillah, I still have the strength and can carry on hiking at this age. Nothing is greater than Allah’s will. I am grateful and thankful. The struggle ends when the gratitude begins.

PS: I do not rush things anymore.

Love, Me  

My Sabah Adventure Part 1

Dear Diary,

Let me tell you about my trip to Sabah. My brother could not send me to the airport as he had to attend class. My flight was at 5pm. I woke up in the morning and the first thing I did was to check on Grab Hitch to the airport. It was the cheapest going at $15. I knew I had to share the ride with other people but I did not mind at all as long as it was affordable. If I had not taken Grab Hitch, it would cost me about $35. I waited for 3 hours before my request got answered. The driver called and text me to confirm my ride. I was glad!

So I reached Singapore Changi Airport Terminal 4, three hours before my departure. I had plenty of time to walk around to see what does this latest airport has to offer. You know we are having Terminal 5 soon as it is under construction. I checked in my bag and waited for my flight. I noticed there were so many USB charging points at the seating area. There were also desktops for us to use for free to surf the internet. There were many shops that did not make me feel like I was in an airport. This is the reason why we have won so many awards for best airport in the world for so many times in a row.

The flight to Sabah Kota Kinabalu was smooth. The weather was fine and I enjoyed my flight. I had booked a hotel transfer with the hostel I am staying, unfortunately, no one was there to greet and welcome me when I arrived. I called the hostel and was told that the car had a punctured tyre which was a lie. I knew it was as my instinct told me it was a bullshit I should never believe. Someone from the hostel should have called me and let me know. I left 2 phone numbers for them to contact me in case of emergency but no one did. They eventually came and I was picked up and sent to the hostel.

The hostel I booked was at Gaya Street and that is like the most happening street in Kota Kinabalu. I came on Saturday and the Gaya Street Sunday market starts at 5am and so, I was all geared up to visit it. Since I had dinner at KFC in the airport, I showered and went to bed straight away. I woke up at 5am and I could not go back to sleep anymore. I took shower and went downstairs. The thing about Sabah is, sunrise and sunset are early than Singapore. So it was bright even at 6am. I walked from one end to the other end of the Sunday market and found few things I like and bought T-shirts for the mother, father and brother. I chose the good quality ones so the prices are pricey a bit. I took photos and I did not feel scared a bit for showing my DSLR. I felt safe as it was crowded and the hostel was just a few steps away.

I went back to the hostel wanting to get some rest but I could not. That is me. I will become a light sleeper when I travel and sleep becomes something which is difficult to do. I am fed up because I knew I had to get some rest before the hike. I went out again, this time I tried to find my way to the Philipino market and also the handicraft centre. I walked and the distance was not that far. I went back to the hostel, packed my bag and got myself a ride with Uber to the airport as I had to wait for the rest of the team. Nad and Sarah will be arriving late as their flight was rescheduled to a later time. I did not know anybody else except Nad and Sarah so when I got to the airport, I did not join the rest, I waited elsewhere. I was shy and I knew I would be uncomfortable.

They finally arrived after a long wait. We packed up and left the airport. We spent the night at a hostel in Kota Kinabalu which was a walking distance to the hostel I stayed earlier. I made few new friends and I began to feel comfortable with this team. We had dinner outside, we chatted and the ice was broken. We went back to the hostel to get some sleep. Tomorrow morning will be a long day to Kundasang.

Apparently, 1 of the participant had his backpack lost by Air Asia. All he had was his wallet. He was with his girlfriend and being the man, most of the heavy items were in his backpack and the lighter items were in his girlfriend’s pack. He was worried and I could tell from his face that he was an unhappy man. I would be too if I was him. I cannot imagine having my backpack lost when I travel especially for a hiking trip. Losing all the gears and clothes for the hike in the backpack, gone and lost with no guarantee of getting them back. What would you do Diary? I honestly wouldn’t know what to do.

So the trip organiser, Acai came out with this idea of a donation drive for them. The contribution was optional and I contributed RM50 to them. I imagined myself in their shoes and all I wanted was for someone to help me too if this happens to me when I travel. I think a total of almost RM300 was collected and handed over to them. We had to change many of our plans in the itinerary because of them. We went to this very big Bundle shop for them to shop for last minute items for the hike. They shopped and I shopped too. I bought a pair of Teva slip on. People say make hay while the sun still shines.

So after all that, we reached Kundasang safely and by Allah’s will, his backpack was found and Air Asia sent the backpack to him at 3am in the morning hours before we started our climb.  Air Asia knew the urgency and made sure he received it before the climb because I guess the fault was on Air Asia. Somehow, they have to rectify and correct the situations and they did.

So there we go Diary, this is only Part 1 of my Sabah Adventure. I will write again as I have to sleep. The bed is calling.

Ps: Life is an adventure, don’t you agree? 

Spending Time With Nikita

Dear Diary,

I am back. I am all pumped out to write you stories. Stories that you would enjoy reading and it will be stories full of excitement and thrill. It will make you feel like you are on a roller coaster ride of a lifetime. I am back from Sabah, I have finished my 15 days course and I am free now. Well, not exactly free with so much free time as I am in Tangkak. My parents and the nieces and nephews will come tomorrow. The house will surely be crowded and noisy with them around. I do not think I will have the time to write to you daily. I will try.

I went for a day hike on Saturday. It was just a casual hike with a friend I just got to know. A mutual friend. Remember Alpine? Let’s just call her Nikita. I went hiking with her and that was the second time I met her. The first time was the night before for dinner at Seoul Garden. The hike was fun and I did not beat my personal record as I had to wait for Nikita. She was not fast so out of courtesy, I had to wait for her and hike with her. I wanted to do two rounds of the hike but looking at the pace we went, I knew I couldn’t. We made it to the summit together, we sat awhile and talked. She talked about her ex-girlfriend and I talked about Infinity. I have had so many ex-girlfriends but Infinity was the one I chose to talk about because she was the closest example of her stories.

I wanted her to know that breaking up is a process that everybody will go through eventually. Whether you like it or not, it will be something we must experience at least once or twice in our lives. I have had many breakups but the most painful ones were with Infinity and the most heartfelt one was with Flying Babe. I have no more love for Infinity, not even an inch left but things are different with Flying Babe. My weakness is that I still have a soft spot for her. She stays in my heart and I carry her in the background. Sometimes I wonder why it takes a minute to say hello and forever to say goodbye. I wish I never had to say goodbye to anyone who has crossed my paths. I would like to be with them forever until eternity but you and I know that is just not possible. I have read somewhere that we only part to meet again. Is it true Diary? Why can’t we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn’t work. Someone would leave. Someone always leaves. Then we would have to say good-bye. I hate good-byes. I know what I need. I need more hellos, everybody needs that.  

I could see Nikita is going through what I went through and I could easily relate. I feel her and I know exactly what she needs. She has been handling it well though from my observations. She has moved out of the house into a new one. She has cut all communications from her ex-girlfriend and she is making herself busy with productive work. She is lucky because she has a good friend who aids her becoming busy. She has some sort of a business project going on with that friend.

Nikita is a self-proclaimed independent woman who likes to think that she does not have a gentle heart. I think she will survive this ordeal and she does not need new people in her life to do just that. She is a woman of few words and it was not easy to connect with her. It will take time and lots of communication to get to know her. We did quite a few things together. We had dinner, then breakfast, we hiked, we had lunch, we went to Big Bad Wolf together, we ate ice cream together and we went for a movie. I had a good time with her. There were not much of interactions but there were so many activities. Our time was filled with things to do and where to go. She knew how to bring me to places and she did not bore me. I was quiet too and so was she. I probably have shown her few bad body languages which might have turned her off. Well, I am not sure. You know how careless I can be, right Diary? We have the same Star and probably the same characteristics, two stubborn Taurus out in the urban jungle. Therefore, I am inviting you to imagine what it would be like.  

I got to go Diary.

Ps: I have big plans for us. Will you let me have the chance?

What I have Been Doing.

Dear Diary,

Forgive me for not writing for such a long time as I have been busy. I hope you are doing good and in the pink of health. I was in Sabah for one week. I came back on Saturday and I have been attending classes for my Leadership and People’s Management Course. Yes, I have been genuinely busy. I jog at night to build up my stamina and endurance for future mountain climbing trips.

I will be climbing Rinjani in April 2018 and Fuji in August 2018. These are my major hikes in 2018. I got to stay fit. In between those two mountains, I will be going for other hikes in Malaysia. It is like I hike almost every month nowadays. One mountain every month; that seems to be the rule I live by nowadays. Rinjani, I have heard is no ordinary mountain. It is not easy and it is challenging. It is a volcano and it has loose gravels, sands and stones. You will definitely find these elements in your shoes while ascending and descending Rinjani.

I am going to Sabah in January 2018 and yes, my free time since I came back from Sabah on November 2017 was dedicated to doing reservations on accommodations and transport for January 2018. I have been doing my homework on what to do, what to eat, where to eat and how to go in Sabah. I am sorry for ignoring you Diary, really I have been busy. There are so many things I have to do. My mother is back from Umrah when I was in Sabah and it just feels so overwhelmed with things happening in my family.

I have no class today so I can write a bit to you. 

I have to go now. I have things to do. I will write tomorrow ok.