My Socially Awkward Self

Dear Diary,

My mouth hurt very much. My braces keep poking my lips on the right and the left side of my mouth. It is very painful and it is making me feeling very uncomfortable when I eat outside. I usually put cotton ball in between the braces and my lips when the pain becomes unbearable. I cannot wait to remove the brace. I have made a vow to myself when I finally remove the brace I will feast on chili crab and mantou, I am not sure if I spell it correctly or you know what it is. It is the fried buns in the Chinese restaurant. I haven’t eaten crab since the day I wear the braces. I am sure I will eat those crabs with a vengeance.

On the night I met up with Nikita, we had dinner at Seoul Garden. I came to Subang Jaya on Friday and I went to meet her for dinner immediately. It was not a good place to have dinner on a first date. It was noisy and the seating arrangement was right next to another couple. It was difficult to chat and often, we had to get up and walked to the food counters to collect the food. It was a bad choice. I managed to drive from Tangkak to Putrajaya without getting lost. Thanks to Waze. It was my first time using Waze and it was great. I used data roaming and thankfully signal was strong so I did not have any trouble finding my ways.

I got there earlier than she did. Her office was just fifteen minutes away that was why I decided to go straight for dinner without checking in to my hotel first. I needed to save time. I did not want to get caught in traffic. I stayed in my car while waiting for her. I did not know what to expect. It has been a long time since I had a date. I am not sure if that was even a date. It was just casual dinner you know Diary. But really, I haven’t done it for a very long time so things were awkward when I met her. I walked to Seoul Garden and she was already there. I did not know where she was sitting but when I came in, she waved at me and I thought to myself, wow, this woman knows my face by hard. From all the pictures she saw on my Facebook and Instagram, she could tell from a distance it was me. I was kind of impressed.

I smiled at her and walked slowly towards her. I did not look at her. I looked elsewhere because I was shy to have any eye contacts. This is me, never wanting to have any eye contacts. I always try to avoid eye contacts when I feel shy. So there I was, standing right in front of her feeling very awkward. I smiled at her and sat down. We looked at each other and she looks the same in photos. She has this sweet look that somehow caught my attention. I have noticed this even in her pictures. Simple but sweet, get what I mean?

So she asked me what flavour of soup I wanted. She asked me to make a choice. I had to make a choice and out of courtesy, I checked with her first if she would agree. She did and there we go, Korean BBQ Buffet dinner with chicken soup. I had so much difficulty eating with the braces and all. I felt miserable, why did I even suggest to her Seoul Garden when I jolly well know my condition. I chatted a bit with her and I find that she is soft-spoken. She is not loud at all and that made me comfortable. After dinner, we walked a bit. She excused herself to go pray while I waited for her. When she came back, we searched for the carpark where I parked my car. I had forgotten where I exited. I did not pay attention to the shops. I did not want to make her search with me because I knew it would be troublesome for her, so I asked her to leave first as we both had to get up early the next morning for our hike.

She obliged and she left asking me if I was sure about it. I was not sure but I did not want to trouble her. I think being single for too long has made me become awkward with her. I did not impress her I think. I am disappointed with myself. Oh never mind Diary, I am not girlfriend material anyway.

I got to go now. I need to study forex.

PS: I am tired of being sensitive.