dear diary,
i was so happy last friday because everything as i planned for my trip to KL goes smoothly until saturday when i could not get a ticket. i then realised that it would be impossible for me to get to KL on time unless i travel with hippo. but travelling with hippo and her colleagues would mean i have to leave on monday noon which is a tall order for me. it is the peak period and everybody is heading to Malaysia for the very long holiday for a short getaway. Chinese New Year falls on wednesday and thursday.
as usual, every school and businesses runs on half day on the eve which is on tuesday. people usually will be away from the office from saturday onwards until the following monday one week after CNY. this explains why i couldn't get a ticket. it looks like i have to leave home at noon on monday and miss my commitment. i have not got any choice because the only option i have to get to KL is to travel with hippo. this is the reason why i hate so much for being the minority. of course they will plan according to their convenience instead of mine since i only make up about 1 percent of her travelling companions for that trip.
i never mind about simple things which is solvable to me but i am a bit dissapointed with how hippo has agreed to all her colleagues even without consulting me first. the original plan was only the two of us and we will spend all the nights in KL and we will leave by coach on monday evening. everything was according to plan until she text me 2 days later saying we will be leaving by van with 6 others of her colleagues on monday evening. i don't mind because i didn't have to do much adjustment on my side, the only thing i have to get used is to travel with her colleagues whom are all strangers to me.
when everything was A O K, i received another text from her that said, we will leave to kl on monday noon since her office closes down for the whole week. i was pissed but i knew it's pointless for me to voice out my frustrations because hippo and her colleagues have the upper hand. i knew i am the minority in this group and i cannot expect them to delay the departure time for me. therefore, i volunteered to leave for KL alone by coach and meet up with them at the hotel once i am there. then i tried to look for ticket to KL with every means i have but it was impossible. i knew it was late so i stopped trying.
travelling with hippo and her colleagues is the only possible option i have. hippo should have checked with me first, even though i am the minority i am still in the group and she should not have left me out. when i am being left out, there is no questions ask why the decision was a one sided one which means the decisions were all based on their convenience alone rather than the whole group. my plight was not taken into considerations at all and this dissapoint me a lot. i have known hippo for so long already to even be surprised with her attitude. i did not take this matter too hard because i knew we cannot have our cake and eat it. i just hope hippo will at least have a little empathy next time and not make decisions at the expense of people.
the quran class last saturday was great. i am confident that i have learnt how to recognise and differentiate the characters. it was such a good feeling when you have achieved something which you can be proud of. even though the achievement may be small to some but it is a big deal to me. i have recognised the letters 'Alif' to 'Ya' and i am able to distinguished the characters even after they are joined together. the ustaz told us that the easiest way to differentiate is by recognising the dots first and then the body of the characters. it was fun and very fulfilling. i am able to spell out simple things from using the 'Talqin' such as, 'Fatt'ah', 'Kasrah' and 'Dammah'. i am so eager to attend the class every saturday and i feel that it's such a great loss if i were to absent myself from the class even for a day. the excitement of being able to read the quran is about to kick in i guess.
for all my life, i have been ashamed for being quran illiterate, i have been avoiding from being asked to recite or read the quran for fear of embarassements, i have been uncomfortable being surrounded with 'tudung' wearing people because i feel so small and inferior next to them, but now i don't feel that anymore. i am full of spirits and my confidence is building up. i feel like a totally new person and my heart vibrate with excitement everytime i learn new things in the quran class. i knew it is a lifetime investments and this education that i have invested is my passport to paradise if i put my knowledge into practice diligently. i shall not waste it neither shall i put it to sleep, i am going to make full use of it as an investment and preparations for the other world.
to read it for my late brother is my first priority and i hope it will benefit him in some way or another. i miss him so much diary, i really do, he has always been on top in my list of people i have been missing. aramis, little sister and flying waitress have always been in it. i miss all of them so much. i knew i cannot do much about flying waitress but i guess i deserve the cold treatment from her. i was egotistical and i went out of line with her. she was hurt probably and thus have been minding her own business. i am still fond of her but only from a distance. i enjoyed every second i spent with her and i hope she will be safe and sound wherever she is with whatever she is doing.
i have not heard from little sister for about a month since the last time she called. she told me she will call me from australia but it's been a month and i am still waiting for her call. i miss her so much and i have so many things to share with her. she is such an angel, always trying her best to make me laugh again when i am down. sometimes, i feel that i might be developing feelings for her but it is impossible since we have not met and i am not sure if we are ever going to meet by looking at the circumstances.
little sister is the person whom have always stood by my side regardless what i did. she can be the sort of person you talk to if you want to listen to advice that will make you feel good regardless if you are in the wrong. somehow, i feel that she is being one sided in giving advice but then again, i knew she did not want to hurt my already bleeding heart. she is nice, adorable, sweet, thoughtful and a lovely sister that everybody wish could have. just by listening to her sweet tender voice, you will be fond of her. she's never hurt me or has been rude to me, she always tries her best to please me and that's what i like about her.
aramis and i have been fine. we exchanged news as often as we could even though the frequency was not like before. i told her i had a basic theory driving test on last saturday morning, she wished me good luck and said she will pray for me to pass. she seems nice nowadays and always managed to reply my messages. it's not like before anymore where she always took me for granted, never replied my messages at all even if she knew how worried i was about her. perhaps she is how she is to me now after how cold i was towards her recently. i think she did not expect that i can afford to treat her that way. i probably caught her with surprise. now i know why they said, never underestimate the power of a bull. *winks* it takes certain people to tame a bull and it only happens once in a blue moon. i am still taking precautions, always being extra careful with the steps i take. nevertheless, with every step i take, i believe it will make me into a wise woman.
i think corn pie is annoyed with what had happened to my original KL plan. i can understand her frustrations when she has to forget about spending the nights with me in the hotel while i am in kl. i am as pissed and she is with hippo but what can i do what can i say? the hotels belong to her company and i cannot complaint much about it. i do not have much choice and i definitely do not want to be left stranded in the middle of nowhere. my other good friends have offered me to put up at their place but i can't cos i might be troubling them. i have many people to meet and so many appointments with so little time. transport is also another factor to consider. that is why i prefer to put up in hotels unless i don't have many appointments and people to meet, then i will not mind putting up at my friend's place. i have had one bad experience from putting up at my friend's place and i never took her offer again. i knew she meant well but it just didn't work out probably because of the lack of coordination and understanding on her part to acknowledge that i was her guest.
i haven't called corn pie and i don't wish to. i have made an appointment with her and i guess i will just see her then. i don't want to be talking about the same old thing with her about the trip, it will only piss both of us. i am fine with it because i was not hoping for corn pie to put up with me since i knew she will not be comfortable with other people around. as long as i will be in KL and get to meet my friends, i am good.
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