It has been 7 days since the New Year and looking back, my life has been a roller coaster ride. There are many events in my life which leaves me devastated and there are many people I have known that leave me wondering of things yet to come. 2004 will definitely be the year I remember most vividly because it is the year that marked the death of my beloved brother. It is also the year that Hang Tuah came to live with us. The reason why we brought Hang Tuah to live with us is to reduce the time we have to ourselves. When we have so much time to ourselves without something to do or someone to talk to, the time would bring us back to the loving memories of my brother. It would only bring sadness and pain, tears and miseries. Hang Tuah saves us a lot from pain and depression and yes, I have to admit, he is the sunshine of our family now.
I still remember how excited I was waiting for the time when we can bring Hang Tuah home and how we decided to name him Serena when we thought he was a female. He turned out to be a male and we have unanimously agreed on the name Hang Tuah. When my brother called from the breeder?s place asking for a male name, Hang Tuah came spontaneously to my mind. Perhaps I am a nationalist at heart and the spirit of loving my history has been instilled in me, thus the name seems all too good for me. As expected, my mother and brother have no problem with the name and infact they are proud to name him Hang Tuah. He is 4 months old now and already weighs 3kg. That is one hell of a heavy cat for a kitten!!
Hari Raya Haji is just around the corner and proudly, I have bought myself a lamb to be slaughtered. I have made an arrangement with the mosque to proceed with the ceremony. This is my first time doing it on my own and I am excited and proud of myself. This is quite an eventful ceremony in my life and I know I am only doing this because of what is requested by Islam. I feel that I am beginning to lean myself closer to Him and focuses on the most basic things first and foremost. The Quran class starts tomorrow afternoon and I am thrilled to begin. My aim is to complete the course this year and be able to read it on my own. I have not been praying 5 times a day but there has not been a day where I skip all the prayers in a day, however, I do get lazy sometimes and I know I have to fight it on my own. I can easily go back to my old days if I had been lenient with myself but I know I am not and will not be. I still can?t believe that it has been 7 months since I have started praying continuously on a daily basis. Something which seem so far away and unlikely to me has become my habit and this habit is getting harder to break each day. I am glad and I am happy with how and what I am now. It?s what I say, a practising Muslim Lesbian. I am not sure if it makes sense to you Diary, but I guess I will do whatever I can to uplift the faith I believe in and leave the rest to Him. Being a lesbian does not mean I have to stop being a Muslim isn?t it? I might have contradicted myself to some people but I guess that?s what people are on earth for. They are here to give different opinions, views, perceptions, ideas and comments. No one is right and no one is wrong, it is just how you state your facts and figures.
This year will definitely mark my revolution. I have written down the things I want to accomplish and it?s a lot of hard work. Many things to achieve with so little time but I know it is possible because impossible is nothing. My palmtop has been my loyal companion daily, I always check the things I need to achieve daily on it and set an alarm for every single one of them daily. It is no wonder why the battery always keep running low with the constant reminders.
I have shop less now instead I have save more. Every little thing I want to buy, I will hesitate and think twice before I make my purchase. I don?t want to be an impulsive shopper anymore. It works and I am seeing my bank account grows and it is still growing. The fund is for my studies and I know how much I have is crucial. Kuala Lumpur is a stone throw away and I have a vision about my life there. It is a matter of time and will become a reality soon.
Everyone is talking about it and I guess you must have known about it too don?t you diary? The Tsunami wave has hit most part of Asia and many people are left devastated and homeless. There are approximately 150,000 deaths and the figure is expected to rise up anytime soon. Kofi Annan has described the natural disaster as an unprecedented catastrophe and appeal for an unprecedented world aid. This is the worst of all natural disaster that the United Nation has seen since its 60 years history. I am shocked myself and very much disturbed by what happened. It seems to me and many others that God is angry with us and did this for reminding us that he is watching. Many children have become orphans, many parents have lost their children, many families have become homeless and many people have been left with uncertainties of what yet to come. I imagine myself as one of the Tsunami victims and put myself in their shoes. It?s painful and sad. I know how it is like to lose a family member and my misery and sadness is little compared to what the victims are suffering now. How thankful and glad I am with what I have got. How grateful I am to be living in a country where natural disaster seems so distant. I know it is all in his hands and whatever will be will be. Survivors said it is like the end of the world, it is like the earth is being washed away with water, it is like the earth is swallowed by the sea, leaving very slim chance for survival. Even the man with strength of steels cannot survive the disaster, even the fastest and best swimmer in the Olympic cannot fight the waves and stormy sea, it is an act of God and no one man on earth can resists the impact of God?s act. It only takes a miracle to survive and miracle is still granted by God.
It is good to know that the world has come together to contribute however they can to the Tsunami victims aid fund. Many countries have pledged millions and millions of dollars, however there are many obstacles that the volunteers and rescue workers face. Many help and aid have arrived to the affected countries but to get them to the affected rural areas are difficult as many roads have been destroyed and insufficient of fuel for the vehicle hampered the mission. The disaster has totally destroyed the infrastructure of most affected areas making it difficult to get help across. I saw the news on TV and how the victims beg for food and water. It makes me feel so ashamed of myself. Here I am having an abundant supply of clothes, shoes and bags and still have the thought that it?s not enough while there are many out there are experiencing something which seems a never ending hardship. Not only they lost their family members but they lost everything else as well. What left now is hope to a brighter future? My prayers go to the victims of Tsunami regardless of race, language or religion.
No comments:
Post a Comment