dear diary,
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i have been thinking of what to write for a long time now that i am infront of you. i am staring at your screen but i can't seem to have the idea of what to write. it is funny because i had a couple of things that i wanted to write to you about the topic today but nothing seems to be flowing out naturally.
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i have mix feelings about what i am going to do in 21 more days but yet i know it is all i ever wanted to do in life. i feel sad now and i also feel afraid and regret. somehow i know that when i leave...mom and dad will be by thmselves and my brother will be the only one left to take care of them. i cannot depend on my youngest brother since he does not stay with us. furthermore i have always felt that there are only my eldest brother and i now. my youngest brother is always excluded.
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i don't know diary...but all i am feeling now is sad.for the first time in my life, i will be away from my parents. i am beginning to feel afraid. i have never been away from them and knowing that i will be away is making me feeling so small without them. all these while i knew they are there to defend and protect me but now...they will be far and i am afraid. i thought of my late brother and if only he were still alive at least i would feel much better and protected. i have always felt that he was the hero in our family. he was the superman you know. tall big and strong but now he is gone...it's such a waste. i cannot get over this feeling of being secured and safe without him. for the first time in my life, i feel like a coward.
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