dear diary,
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so many things happened and i just don't know if it is appropriate to tell you. well you see, 1st july was my brother's first death anniversary and i didn't get to visit him cos i had other commitments and believe me, i have been very busy all year. we bought a mini fence for his grave to avoid people from using his grave as footpath to the other graves. it has been a year now and some graves around his have not been made yet. the ground is muddy cos the grass has not fully grown and so people going to other graves near to his always step on his ceramic tiles as a pathway to their destination dirtying his grave indirectly. i guess most of them are the contractors hired by the dead family members to make their dead's relatives graves. these contractors can be very insensitive most of the times. the cemeteries are their office and it seems that sometimes they do not have respect for the dead.
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there was a complain in the paper about a graveyard contractor who in the course of his work, place a pail on the middle of one cemetery. if the dead were to be alive it would looked as if the contractor had put the pail on his or her stomach. coincidentally, a relative of the respective dead person's happened to visit him or her at that time and he confronted the contractor and there was a bit of a commotion. i could understand how did the relative of the dead feel because i am sure i would do the same like he did if i saw someone disrespect my brother's grave like that. probably i would have hit and fight with whoever did that.
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my brother may be dead but his spirit still lives on inside me till eternity. i didn't get to help my other family members cleaned and decorated his grave. but i was told that it is very cleaned now and looks very nice. now, no one can dirty his grave anymore since we have fenced it. things are getting from bad to worse about my friendship with driver. hippo is being difficult with driver and it looks like driver is pretty unhappy with me. i guess he is upset with how i handled the situation. i never back him up when a misunderstanding between him and hippo occured, instead i always seemed to back hippo.
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i have tried to be fair but i have seen with my own eyes how driver turned hippo's house into a pigsty and i have known the fact of his untrustworthiness. so how on earth can he expect me to back him up at situations like that? driver is a good person but he is just messed up sometimes. he doesn't know when to shut up and when to talk and worse of all, he doesn't appreciate secrets. i cannot have such friends anymore and i guess it is time to let him go. my help have been regarded as an act of insincerity by him and he accused me of being ungrateful. those are cheap talk by him and i knew he was very dissatisfied with me because i did not at all defended him when he had a misunderstanding with hippo. if he wanted to take it all out on me, fine by all means. but he has to remember i knew him too well to let him win the verbal battle. i will squashed him and squeze all the juice out of him and i will leave him dry till there's nothing for him to talk anymore.
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i will bruise his ego till he feels the pain so much that he wouldn't even dare to lift his face to look me in the eye. i will attack him at every corner and will not let him talk till i am finish and by the time i am finished, he's too ashamed to even look at himself in the mirror. i am not revengeful but a man got to do what a man got to do. it's a pity that our friendship has to end this way but i guess it's destined to be this way. people live and people die, friends come and friends go it is just the way it is. in the end only yourself matters, not him, not her and not them. i have graduated from the days when i think that kindness is omnipotent. experiences have wise me up and from my observations it doesn't really matter how you are.
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if people want to be rude to you, they will and nothing can stop them. i had a little misunderstanding with little sister last night. it started from my conversation about driver and the money he has yet to return to me. little sister meant well when she said the things she said, it's just that i was dissapointed with her reaction. probably i took it to heart and it just happened that i was a little more sensitive than usual. i knew she was just concern over my welfare and probably said the things she said to me with good intention but i took it wrongly. i left her calls unanswered many times and i think i made her felt so restless and sad. i didn't mean to make her feel that way diary but how can she expected me to talk to her when i didn't want to talk anymore?
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i felt bad toward her but i was pretty turned off that day and i knew if i were to pick up her call, i wouldn't say anything and that would be a waste on her phone bills. i called her this morning though and she sounded very tired cos she has not slept since last night. immediately, i felt bad for making her restless like that. i listened to her voice while she talked and i wished i were beside her so i could wrap her around my arms. she's so sweet you know diary. she scolded me for not picking up her calls and for telling her to leave me alone. she didn't want me to repeat what happened last night again. i feel so blessed with her you know. she brings back the sparkle in my eyes and i think she made me see the good side of having a girlfriend. this is the fun thing with having a girlfriend, you quarell sometimes and you laugh sometimes. your life will get spiced up if you just use the right ingredients. she's ok now i guess, hope she will be back to her usual self.
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