Leaving My Sanctuary...

Dear Diary,

I am feeling very emotional tonight. I paid Subang Jaya a visit yesterday and I am back to Singapore today. It was a short visit, but it was sure fulfilling. I got to settle my outstanding errands. I got to drive my car. I got to pack a little bit of my stuffs. I got to meet Rolly Polly. And I got to release the longed I feel for my home. It was good to be back even for just a short while.

I have decided to let the house go. I can see that I will be spending more time in Singapore and keeping the house is not practical. It is sad to let it go. Letting it go also means that I have nothing to look forward to in Subang Jaya. I have no reason to go there anymore. It is a heartbreaking decision, leaving something that you have had for years. You have gotten so familiar with it but have to let it go for inevitable circumstances.

My heart cracks a little and I am trying to fix it now. I packed a bit when I was there. I had to use the time I had to do something to lighten the job on the final day of moving out. I have started asking friends if they are interested in my furniture. I am selling them off and I am leasing my car to Rolly Polly for a year. I will return the house on the first of June, so I have the whole month to clear my stuffs.

I started to imagine my life in the future now. With no place I can call home in Subang Jaya, it is sure going to be distressing for me. Subang Jaya has so many memories for me. That is where my life with Infinity began and that is where I first met Flying Babe. Dark Chocolate and Pumpkin are there too. Rolly Polly, Gummy Bear, Minah Rempit, Sexy Lara and those people that have left footprints in my heart happened in Subang Jaya. It brought us together in good or bad times. Reminiscing the time the people I knew there brought tears to my eyes and facing the fact that I have to leave is so heartbreaking.

Never would I have the chance walking down the memory lane again and never would I have the chance to steal a glimpse of the people I once love. If I were to tell you what my heart feels right now, I would tell you that it is at the lowest of the lowest spirit at all. I have lost and defeated by circumstances. I did put up a fight but victory is not mine. I tried Diary but I have to admit defeat this time. It hit me so hard but you know I am not breaking don’t you? People say that it is never safe to be nostalgic about something until you are absolutely certain there is no chance of its coming back.

The sad journey from home to Holiday Villa where the bus was waiting for me to Singapore was camouflaged by casual conversations I made with Rolly Polly. Somehow I was saddened by the thought that I might not be able to hang out with her again. No more late night hang outs and DVD marathon we used to have. No more dirty jokes and playful teasings we once did to each other because I know somehow, distance will pull us apart. Friendships and relationships will drift from each other because of distance. People seem to get nostalgic about a lot of things they were not so crazy about the first time around. I know that because I have had more failed long distance relationships that any man on earth.

Fifty meters upon reaching, I suddenly felt my heart sunk a little and I got choked trying to hold back the tears. Oh Diary, this is not what I am supposed to feel on the eve of my birthday. I hate birthdays and I never want to proudly announce that it is my birthday for all to wish because I hate attentions but on a simple note, one should be feeling at least happy on one’s birthday. My strength was almost gone then but I looked up to the sky and I thought of Him. Who on earth can I turn to Diary in times like that?

I was not happy but I am still grateful that I was not angry. I suppose I just have to learn how to live without having a second home that used to be in Subang Jaya. I cannot stop this from happening and no matter what, someone has to go and move on. If I cannot keep it alive, then I just have to let go. Without having a home there, it tells me that reality can be cruel sometimes. It does not matter anymore Diary…it does not matter because I am already gone.

Die Die Also Must do...!!

Dear Diary,

I went to the office for some training last night and apparently I was told that I was absent for my CEA class. I was puzzled as I knew there was not any class last night. I was wrong. We had class as usual on Monday. I rechecked the schedule the office had given me and I counter checked it with my organizer. Apparently, I did not write it down in my organizer so that is why I thought we did not have any class on Monday. We have to have at least 75% of attendance for the course. I was kind of pissed with myself for that unnecessary careless silly blunder.

I needed to be present for the class when I can because the course ends on 12th May and I might have difficulties attending the class after 3rd May since I will be starting work with the Youth Olympic Games (YOG) then. I was told that we can only afford to be absent for 3 lessons throughout the whole course duration and that means I only have 2 more lessons as a lifeline when my schedule becomes packed next week. I am hoping for the best Diary.

I have not received any phone calls from YOG yet to inform me of my work details. I am not going to call them either. It is not about ego but I am having second thoughts of taking up the job now. Honestly, I am hoping that they will call me to tell me that I will have to start at a later date than 3rd may so I can use that as an excuse to tell them I am not taking up the job anymore. I don’t know Diary but I think I might not be able to focus on real estate if I were to take up the job. I have other commitments to concentrate on as well.

I need to find time to visit Subang to straighten out the outstanding issues there, about the car, the house and my belongings in the house. I might be giving the house away. Geezz…I really don’t know what I have to do with the house. If I were to start work at YOG, I really have to buy time to settle all those unsettled issues. Working at YOG requires me to work 5.5 days a week and let me tell you Diary, I am sure going to be busy. This kind of ad-hoc project is short term but it is very demanding. I was told to be ready to work late and that already scares me thinking of what I am going to miss especially my chances of closing deals in real estate. And where in the world would I find time to clear the house in Subang Jaya if I have to work 5.5 days a week with a high chances of working late daily. When will I ever have the time to drive my car back to Tangkak? Have I told you about my plan for the car?

I knew I will not be coming back to Subang for a long time and it is not safe to leave the car there for a long time without attending to it. So I left her with Rolly Polly and now since I might be giving the house away, I have to clear the house and drive the car to Tangkak and leave it there. Oh Diary, I just don’t know now. If I still have to work at YOG, so be it. I suppose I merely have to plan my time, be disciplined and sacrifice my sleep. It will only be temporary anyway.

My headache is back. It is pounding hard more than before. I am not sure what causes it. Sometimes I cannot even open my eyes when the attack comes and I cannot move myself because everytime I move myself that creates a vibration in my body, I will feel sudden giddiness. It is painful but it is still tolerable. I took 2 panadols just now but the headache is still not gone. I think it is the lack of sleep. But I still have about 5-6 hours of sleep daily you know. So what causes this headache? Do you know? Never mind Diary, I am sure it will be gone soon.

I attended the training last night by the guy I told you that sold 25 units of HDB flats in a month. I got so many tips from him. I have learnt that to stay in this industry, one has to be patient and persevere all odds and rejections, not to mention all the hard work one has to endure. I have to start planning of what to do to boost my real estate career soon. All these trainings I have attended and the courses I went will all go to the drain if I do not put them into actions. I have to do more than road shows. Road shows work for many new agents but I also have to have more than one method to get leads. Firstly I have to get my flyers done and this time round, I have to get it print by the printer. I need to do door to door canvassing and I must do at least 12000 pieces at one print.

I just have to do it Diary. I have to. I cannot wait anymore for my manager to conduct road shows to get leads. I have to be able to get leads on my own. You know how Singaporeans say it…’Die die also must get leads. Don’t care what people say. Just do only ahh…huat ahhh…chong ahhhh…sibei shiong also must do!!’

Remembering Who's Who...

Dear Diary,

I thought that my CEA class is as usual tonight until I check my organizer and realized I have no class. I was just about to take my shower when I received a phone call from a woman to enquire about a house. She introduced herself and I remembered her straight away, even her name. That is probably because I do not have many leads and potential clients at the moment to remember. I even remembered the type of house she was asking for during the road show.

She called me and she asked for a flat that I displayed in the road show. Well, that flat was just a dummy. Agents usually do that just to invite enquiries or callers. That is one of the ways we get our leads too. Do not be surprised if you see an advertisement today and find that the house is sold the next day. Being an agent, you have to be creative and innovative to generate leads. I immediately told her that the house is sold and asked if she is keen on other units if I have any. She said she would be interested and I proceeded to ask her some qualifying questions to see how genuine she is.

The first question I asked was her preferences which she revealed. The second question I asked was how much she is willing to spend on the house which she refused to say. I sort of get the idea that she does not want me to have the idea that she wants me to commit to her. In other words, she simply does not want to feel the pressure of committing to me. Let us not argue that most of us are afraid of sales people because sales people just refuse to take ‘no’ for an answer. They do not give up and are very persistent most of the times in an annoying way.

I left her in her comfort zone when she refused to tell me but I asked her what she needs to know exactly about the house she is buying so I have a rough idea of what to look for her. She told me she needs to know the valuation price of the house most importantly. I tried to find out what is the cash over valuation she is willing to pay but I couldn’t. I didn’t try anymore because the first phase of serving her is easy. All I needed to do is to find out any house type she prefers for sale, get the valuation and let her know and that was what I just did.

I got her about five listings and I text the details to her not so elaborately though. I only text what she needed to know. I will call her tomorrow Diary. Wish me luck ok. I need lots of it lately. I have been keeping my faith for the past few months. It’s tough and challenging being in this industry. I still believe that the day will come when I will close my first transaction. I know I will, you know that too don’t you Diary? At this moment of my time, I am only allowing myself to hear, to read and to visualize good things. I read her message almost every night before I go to sleep. I know we are not together anymore but what she wrote in that message is important to me. I guess I just need some boost of confidence you know like drugs to give a lift to my morale. She gave me that in her message and I am always remembering it. Thank you Flying Babe...

God, Give Me The Strength...

Dear Diary,

I went for another road show this morning at the same place I went last week. Today’s road show was not very encouraging. I woke up feeling unexcited. I will not say that I have lost steam but I felt discouraged this morning and the result I got at the road show adds on to the miseries I felt.

Firstly, there were only three members from my own team; my leader, myself and an old man whom I do not fancy at all. I got there at eight on the dot and I saw my Manager there. He is always the first to arrive. I am beginning to feel that he works by the principle of ‘it’s better to be three hours too early than a minute too late’. I respect that even though it gives me the pressure to practice punctuality even more diligently.

There were members from other teams but I do not really know them. I started by giving out my flyers as usual. Many people mistook me as a Chinese so many times. I got so used to it that it did not surprise me at all. Some members from other teams even thought that I was a Filipino and an Indonesian Chinese. I laughed at their thoughts. I got that too since the sudden influx of Indonesian Chinese and Filipinos into Singapore.

Have I told you when I still had my stall at Putrajaya, many of the Muslim patrons were doubtful to buy from my stall since they thought I was a Chinese. Sometimes, I wonder if that had had an impact on my daily sales. What is even funnier was some of the other food stalls owner had jokingly suggested that I wore a ‘tudung’. Of course I wouldn’t do that because it is against my principle. I will not submit myself to selfishness or peer pressure without upholding the true meaning of wearing a ‘tudung’. Perhaps it is where I grew up and the conditioning I had in my family that made me have this kind of principle.

I let them think what they want of me. It really has no effect on me at all. As far as I am concerned, I do not have to look like Malay to be Malay and I shall not wear a ‘tudung’ to attract more sales to my business until I am sincerely ready and willing.

Coming back to the road show, I was approached by a lady who asked if the road show is only for residential buyers and sellers. As I was about to answer her, the old man from my team interrupted us and answered her on my behalf and took her number. I seriously do not know how to explain. I am not sure if he did that because he was over friendly or it was just his nature to ‘steal’ potential clients from fellow colleagues. Apparently that lady was looking for a factory to buy. It does not matter if he gets to close the deal but I got turned off by his attitude.

You know Diary, time and again when I attended the in-house course and CEA classes. We have been warned by the trainers to beware of unethical agents. This is a business in a never dying industry with opportunities to earn unlimited income. And it is because of this too that unethical agents have surfaced. These breed of agents would do anything for the sake of money. I do not know if I have misinterpreted his approach today but I cannot consider of anything else other than unprincipled to reflect on what happened today. I kept a distance from him since that moment. I just do not want to associate myself with these breed of agents. Call me anything you like, but I got turned off big time by him.

My manager left early today and I was left with this group of people that I hardly know. You know how introvert I can be and how reserved I am in an unfamiliar crowd. I do not like their working styles, all they did was to sit and wait for people to approach them. When people came over to our bunting, they approached those people while I was left behind because I was busy distributing my name cards to passers by about 10 meters away from the bunting. They did give out flyers but not aggressively like how I would do. I felt left out during the road show. For the first time after a few road shows, I felt demoralized. Well, perhaps it was my fault because I did not allow myself to gel in with them. On the contrary, how can I when I already felt left out in the beginning.

I was sad Diary. I wanted to call anybody to talk about it but I do not have anybody anymore. My friends have all left me, or should I say, I have left all my friends. I am just being totally alone now you know. It’s just I, myself and me now against the world. I went home feeling lousy and low. I walked home sweating under the hot sun. I miss my car, my home, my good friends and Subang Jaya. I wish things need not have to change for me. I wish I could hear my mother's voice to soothe my hurting soul. Let me cry now Diary, let me cry... 

Sucess In Simplicity...

Dear Diary,

I have been busy since the road show. As I have told you, I have about four potential clients. I spent the days organizing and planning my work. I did follow up with them and right now, I am just waiting if I could close any deals for them. My CEA classes have been fine. I think I spent more time dreaming in class than paying attention. I have had that habit since I was young. I am starting to believe that I am a born dreamer. It is a habit so hard to break that I might as well live with it.

I went for another road show last night. It was only an hour long but I managed to give away about fifty pieces of my name card and I got one query. However, I do not think that she was serious. What I have learnt about real estate is you have to qualify your leads before you take them seriously. This is to avoid time wasting for everybody at sake especially yours. You have to learn how to ask qualifying questions to them and read between the lines from the answers they gave whether they are genuine buyers or sellers. It is true that you have to do this Diary. Some people just like to house browsing without having any intention to buy. Unless you always arrange for a one day open house where you and your seller dedicate the time for house viewing, otherwise just forget about them.

How has it been for you Diary? It has been good for me on the surface but deep down inside my heart, I think I need some therapy. I have not found the time to visit Subang Jaya. I have some outstanding issues to settle there and I have passed way later than the deadline. It should be stressing me out but like I said in my earlier entry, being in Singapore does not make me stress about things. Perhaps it is the distance or perhaps it is the environment I am in currently.

Going to classes and road shows have given me the opportunity to meet lots of new people. It feels like going back to school. The road show last night made me realize that success has different kind of category in real estate. I met a senior agent last night who has been in the industry for two years. He was friendly but of course living up to human nature, he sounded like he wanted to tell me that he knows more than I do. Who can deny that Diary?

Yes, he has more experience in handling people and closing more sales but there are some things about him that cannot stop me from wondering. I shall not comment on his dressings and looks but what really caught my attention is that he does not drive. Let us not talk about the public transport system or is having a car a necessity or not. Let us just talk about the first thing you would do if you think you have reach that first level of financial comfort. When you are in the sales business, a car is your business tool regardless of how efficient the public transport system is. It need not be an expensive or luxurious car. It just needs to be a car that is all. But there I was, taking the train home with him.

I have known an agent in my division who has been in the industry for two years who has had tremendous success throughout his career. I am quite sure I have told you about him. He is the guy who has sold 25 units of HDB flats in that particular month and had commissions of more than a hundred thousands dollars for that month alone. He has achieved top division director awards many times and has been able to drive a beemer within two years of his career in the real estate. He is only 28 years old.

So what I am trying to say now Diary is, many people may have managed to stay in this industry for two years but they may have different levels of achievements. I am not saying that the former guy is not successful and the latter. However, I do realize that success varies among people. To the former guy, he is probably successful having to stay in the industry for two years. Everybody knows a career with no basic salary is not for everybody but he still manages to stay even though on the surface he may not live lavishly. Perhaps he is simply a simple man who does not believe in flashing his wealth through the materials he has. Perhaps he has always made enough to get by because he did tell me his work schedule solely depends on his mood.

Well, whatever it is I know success solely depends on the effort and hard work you put in. It does not wait on handsome man or pretty woman. It only waits on hardworking people who know no boundaries. Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm. The former guy may have achieved success in his own right and only he will be able to feel and see it. We never know, believe me, when we have succeeded best. As for me, the small voice keeps talking to me but I am not going to pay any attention to it for I know that voice will be silenced if I refuse to give in to it.

Living Through It Once More...

Dear Diary,

I am back from my CEA class and I am feeling very tired, so tired that I can hardly write. But I cannot leave you unattended for so many days. I feel that I owe you. I feel that I am obligated to write to you because you are my best friend at the moment. Please Diary, do not get me wrong. I am not taking you as my best friend as and when I like or when I ran out of friends. You have always been my best friend more than anybody else. If only I can show you what I truly feel about you.

Diary, there are so many stories to tell after a few days of absence. There is this story about a girl I dreamt about, my road show, Flying Babe and my progress in the real estate. I am not sure about what to tell first but I know I have to tell you something. Story telling is what it is all about isn’t it?

I dreamt about a girl whom I have met once in Subang Jaya. It was unexpected, never thought that she could come into my dream. It was embarrassing to tell you the details of the dream but it was sure comical in a sexy way. It made me laugh thinking about it. Well, I supposed dreams are like cartoons where anything is promising. Nothing seems to be hopeless in a dream. They are free therapy, but the sad thing is you can only get appointments at night.

I went for another road show last Sunday. It was an eight hour road show and it was sure demanding. It was held in my neighourhood. I prepared my own flyers using only Microsoft words. I printed a copy and photocopied into another four hundred pieces. It is cheaper that way since it does not cost more than twenty bucks. I could have got it custom print professionally but I do not think it is practical for me to do it currently. The minimum number to print is twelve thousands and it cost a hundred and twenty dollars. Money is not easy for me so I opted to do my own flyers. I got my name cards ready and I designed my own flyers quite nicely. My Manager likes my self made flyers but I am not sure if he was sincere about it.

Well Diary, as a leader people just have to tell white lies or be nice to you to encourage and motivate you right? Nevertheless, I think he meant it because I was the only newbie during the road show with his own flyers. In other words, I was the only one who came prepared. I think I distributed about two hundred and fifty flyers. I got about fifteen enquiries on the spot and after narrowing them, I have four serious potential clients.

So you see Diary, that’s how agents get their leads. That is the same for insurance. And if you noticed, selling insurance and properties make you earn lots of money if you stay in the industry long enough and work your way to the top. However, not everybody can do that. The first phase of the business is the most challenging because you have to toil yourself to establish your clientele base. But then again, isn’t all business like that? When you first started, you have to make your service or your products known to people. It is call marketing. As agents, you are responsible for your own success. Your managers are only there to guide and coach you. I was not shy during the road show. All I had in mind was to get some leads. When you have leads, that’s what keeps you going.

The easiest way to market your service is through advertising but for people like me with hardly any money in my pocket, I have to think of a low cost but effective method. Road shows and farming are my number one choice now. Being back here, I realized how imperative it is to be able to speak Mandarin. Seventy percent of Singaporeans speak Mandarin and when you are in this business, to be able to speak more than two languages makes you have the upper hand. I have to brush up on my Mandarin and I am thinking of taking up Japanese so I can capture the private properties market that is popular among the Japanese expatriates here.

I have never stopped praying seeking help from Him. I know it is the most proper thing for me to do. We all know that He is the real reason behind every man’s success. Getting back to basics help me become more restful, patient and uncomplaining. I strain less nowadays even though I have less than twenty bucks in my pocket right now. Living with my family perhaps makes me feel untroubled. I guess it is true that the people around you somehow influence how you feel and behave towards life. It is the people you are with makes you become what you are.

I miss my late brother and I miss Flying Babe so much. They are probably gone from my life but I have never forgotten the footprints they left in my heart and how they have touched my life. I have never heard their voices again since they left, but I am bringing myself back to the days when they spoke some encouraging words about me and I can feel that I am hearing those voices once more. I am feeling it all over again, like the wind blowing in my face and I am hoping against hope that someday I will live through the magical surprise of their love again.

Experience Is The Teacher of Fools

Dear Diary,

I have attended two classes for my CEA examinations and both classes are interactive and fun. They are not boring at all. I figured this is because of the experienced lecturers we have who have had more than twenty years of experience as real estate agents. These people have closed more than three thousand cases in their career and they know the trades at the back of their hands. The knowledge they have is at the tips of their fingers and if you would like to imagine their fingers as pens, try giving them those papers and the informations flow out of their fingertips like magic.

These people have gone through four recessions and they survived all of them. Things may not always be easy and it is not always about rainbows and butterflies. I listened to them attentively in class. Sometimes, I find it hard to pay attention but I tried. You know how I can divert my attention to something else because I am naturally a dreamer. A dreamer always finds time to dream, let his mind wanders to a faraway fantasy land where humans can walk on water. I have always tried to stay focus in class because I know how much I am capable to dream. I would say, from a scale of ten, my dream capability is nine. It is scary sometimes because I often wonder if I can even focus when people are talking to me. But I have known myself Diary. After years of breathing, having air in my lungs, I have become so familiar of myself.

I must tell you a story that happened in my class Diary. You know how the environment is in a classroom don’t you? There will always be someone who seems to reckon that he knows more than the lecturer and another who seems not to run out of questions to ask or things to say. Perhaps that is the norm we all must accept and expect. There was a woman who consistently argued about facts with the lecturer. There came to a point where I got sick of her attitude as much as the lecturer. I can tell from the look of his face that he got amazingly annoyed with her. I simply did not understand her determination or rather her ego because she was trying to counter argue about procedures with someone who has had more than twenty years of experience and one who has closed more than three thousand cases. Yes, perhaps a round of the floors should be given to her for her bravery and boldness but a round of the floors must also be given to her for her, probably stupidity?

She was attacked mercilessly by the lecturer. It was embarrassing. I could feel how embarrassing it was for her even though the attack was not to me. She should have just shut up. Of course you can ask questions and convey your opinions because everybody is entitled to his own opinions. However, it is definitely not clever to give opinions and think that your opinions only matter and be stubborn about it. It is especially so with someone who has way more experience and knowledge than you. What made matter worst was, when she gave her opinions, she really sounded so confident and thinks she knows it all. Therefore, it came to everybody’s knowledge that she had closed only ten cases.

She must have used the ten cases as a guide to counter argue about the facts with the lecturer and she must have forgotten the most important fundamental rule of experience. The trouble with using experience as a guide is that the final exam often comes first and then the lesson. Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes along. Having closed ten sales does not make you know everything. She should have been a little more modest and made her opinions be heard humbly. She failed to do that and all I saw was, she got to taste her own medicine. Experience is the teacher of fools and I hope she would learnt her lesson from this experience in the class as well as her experience being in the industry.

Imagine Your Family In The Shoes First

Dear Diary,

Last Sunday I went to Geylang Serai and had breakfast there with my parents. As usual, the food court at the market was crowded with most of the seats were taken. I looked out for any vacant seats and we were lucky enough to find one. My parents and I took the seats and I waited until my parents had ordered their food. As I wanted to walk towards a drink stall, I saw a particular old woman, who was the cleaner at the food court. She was not thin neither was she fat. She walked slowly holding on to the trolley she pushed. Looking at the way she walked, I could tell that she is not physically strong. Her face wears a sad expression that somehow sent me a message that she has to work because she has no choice.

I was ordering my drinks when she walked in front of me to a stall that sells chicken rice. Apparently, the cleaners there have to collect all the dirty dishes and return the dirty dishes to the rightful stall owners accordingly. So there she was carrying a few empty dirty dishes belonged to the chicken rice stall on a tray. Upon reaching the stall, the owner who was standing in front of his stall said to her in a stern voice to put the plates into a plastic basin. The old woman was already struggling with the tray of dirty dishes and he without any sense of empathy spoke to her in a stern voice and almost yelled at her not to put the tray inside the basin. Imagine this Diary, he was standing right in front of the old woman, the woman was bowing to try to carry the dirty dishes from the tray to put them into the basin. She was struggling because I told you she was not physically strong. I looked at him hoping to have eye contact. I did not get that.

It was an ugly sight. I cannot imagine how someone can behave like. I have had food stalls too and I know how annoying cleaners can be. That is just one of the things stallholders have to tolerate if they want to be in the business. Nothing will ever be perfect for them. Regardless what we do, there will always be drawbacks in the industries. We have to face rude, demanding and difficult customers let alone cleaners who do jobs that merely do not meet up to our expectations. I wonder how he would feel if someone had talked like that to his mother. Perhaps he has forgotten that our deeds determine us as much as we determine our deeds.

I have always taught myself to think like that before I lose my temper to anyone else in public. I would ask myself to imagine people doing that to my family and picture how I would feel about it all and it will stop me from losing my cool. I suppose we all have to learn not to let ourselves be easily affected by little things. Shit happens and if we are going to care for every shit that happens in the world, I bet our lives will be shortened tremendously because we will spend all our live being frustrated, angry and disappointed leaving very little room and space for happiness and laughter. How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.

You know Diary; I used to be a very impatient driver. I would curse and swear to drivers who road hog and to drivers who annoys me but I do not anymore. I just realise that it is not worth doing that simply because at the end of the day, it is I who are going to be at the losing end. Thinking back, how I have wasted so much of my energy and time being angry with those drivers when I could simply ignore them and had great and happy days. It was silly and stupid of me. My mother is going to get her license soon and I hope she will be a good driver and other drivers would have been kind to her just like how I have been to other drivers. What goes around comes around; all that we send into the lives of others comes back into our own.

Making A Career Out of Your Job

Dear Diary,

I have been sleep deprived for the past few weeks. It is difficult to oversleep myself when mum is always there to wake me up. Sometimes I get so piss but I know I cannot complain much about it because she is after all my mother. I look for her when I am in need, no matter what the trouble is. However, I still feel stressful most of the times. You see Diary; you know my parents cannot drive. So at any time I am back, they especially my dad would have all these ideas of places to go and guess what Diary? They will ask me to drive them but since they are my parents, I cannot simply say they ask me. In fact, they made me. If you want to know why I said that, it is because they just planned without consulting me and the next minute I know, I will have to live by their schedule.

Diary, do not ever misunderstood me. I would be more than eager to do things for my parents but please, you have to give me a break occasionally. I have my own life and my own things to do. It was easy before since I do not work in Singapore but it is not the same anymore nowadays. You know I can devout myself to them for all the time I was in Singapore last time but I cannot do that anymore now. I have to make my parents understand the nature of my job soon. They are easy to talk to but I will feel bad about it. I feel bad that I cannot make their wishes happen, you get what I mean Diary. My parents are so adventurous. There will continually be places they want to go and sadly, they have to be dependent on their children to take them there. If only mum has had her license earlier. I wish.

It is not that taxing during the weekdays but it is always stressful over the weekends and on public holidays. Dad would plan a getaway to Tangkak or somewhere and he counts on me to drive. I will never mind if I have not had any commitments but now I do. I need to establish my career in real estate. I need to make commissions. I need to meet my targets and my deadlines. I must sacrifice my time at the beginning of the career before I am able to benefit from the fruits of my labour. Oh Diary, there are just so many things I have to do. It is not that easy after all. Most people think we only show houses and sell houses but we do more than that. If I were to list down five things we do daily, you would be ashamed of yourself Diary.

I have promised myself that I will just do what it takes and learn from those who have made it there. This business is real and it is everlasting. It is just what I can do to have the options to have a career that gives me the opportunity to earn unlimited income. I believe in the products and I believe in the industry. In every other country in the world, people need houses to live in, shops to do physical business and offices to conduct business. There must be a place for residential, commercial and industrial. These elements must exist in every developing and developed countries cycle of economy. I have decided to do HDB flats for a start and my area of specialization will be residential in district 12 and 27. Oh Diary, I forgot to tell you that in Singapore, the consultants refer to an area with their district code. I have started to memorise the districts slowly. I think there are about 20 districts.

How do you think I would do Diary? Well, it is just a job, I know but I feel that I can make it here. I have tried so many things just to be cash rich but none seems to work for me or perhaps I just did not try hard enough at it. What do you think Diary? I have to admit that I am doubtful but I know it is because of the small voice I hear in my head. People say, if you hear a small voice within you that say you cannot paint, then by all means, paint and that voice will be silenced. Do I sound a little optimistic Diary? I know…I have failed too many times in my life in my pursuits for success. Has anyone told you that the distance is nothing; it is only the first step that is difficult. The destination is not as significant as the journey you know. It is how you carry yourself in the journey that, determines how you reach the destination. How is that Diary? Did I say it well?

You tell me Diary, how many of us are willing and dare enough to get out of our comfort zone? Not many, therefore credits must be given to those who dare to take the risk regardless if they fail or succeed. Yes, risk taking is inherently failure-prone. Otherwise, it would be called sure-thing-taking. Since I am in this industry, I have came across and read about many successful consultants. It is inspirational to be around these people. I know every other job and career in the world provides an opportunity for us to be millionaires but I supposed what is most important is we have to believe in the products we sell and the industry we are in.

I have tried online money making programs, multi level marketing, working a 9-5 job, running my own food and beverage business, direct selling and many more. Perhaps I was not good enough for them or they are just not meant to be my rice bowls. I do not know Diary but one thing I know this nation was built by men who took risks - pioneers who were not afraid of the wilderness, business men who were not afraid of failure, scientists who were not afraid of the truth, thinkers who were not afraid of progress and dreamers who were not afraid of action.

I have to go now Diary. Wait for my next entry, I love you, my family and all my good and trusted friends that have left footprints in my heart.

Promoting Is The Essence of It All...

Dear Diary,

I will be attending my first lesson for CEA tonight. I have about twelve lessons to attend with each lesson lasting three hours. I will leave home early to do some work in the office. I have to start sourcing for houses in district 12. When I submitted my applications for my name cards and badge on Wednesday, I stayed back in office to do cold calls from the list my Manager gave me and I got about five ready buyers who are still looking for houses. I do not know where did he get the list but I supposed they were from the road shows and door knocking he did. I guess that is what I have to do in the future to minimize my cost. I have to promote my service the hard and bold way.

There are many senior agents, who advertise their services in the papers. They attract buyers and sellers without having to do the groundwork. They do not have to anyway because I suppose they prefer paying more for promotions as they have been in the market long enough and have some pool of funds for advertisements. It is easy like that. All they have to do is to place advertisements on papers with their picture, contact numbers and some slogans to attract people to call. When people call them that is when they fish them to be their clients.

I was told that it is not how much you make out of your career in the real estate but how much cost you will incur during the whole period of your career. You always need to minimize your cost as much as possible. You have to be creative and innovative because paper media is no longer an only option for you. There are so many kinds and ways of advertising. You have to go out there and source one that suits you and most importantly is cost efficient. Being in the business of real estate, you have to write down all the little details because it is not merely about advertisement costs you will be incurring but you will incur a whole lot more like travelling, telephone bills and many miscellaneous fees. All those cost exclude your personal expenses and imagine if you were to include your personal expenses into it. The Chinese has a popular saying, it is not how much you make but how much you can save matters most. I suppose that is true.

When I was in the seminar, the big boss himself told us that out of thirty who signed up to be an agent, only ten will survive and stay. The simple truth is, not everybody can do sales especially one without a basic salary. When I was in Subang Jaya, I attended a career talk by one of the most popular and established real estate firm there. One of the requirements to be an agent is to have at least six months of savings. To be honest Diary, I smiled when I read that. I was somewhat impressed because they were very frank and straightforward about it. I did not sign up with them because they recruit only Malaysians or those who hold relevant status. I did not hold any of it and they did not seem too keen on giving me suggestions on other alternatives I can have. I would have continued staying in Malaysia if I were given an option. Therefore, going back to Singapore seems a right thing to do.

I still have plans to make a comeback to Malaysia but it will take a little while before I am able to do that. I just need to hit my first sales, get my momentum going, learn the trades and do what I have to do. Mum and dad are talking about retiring already. Well Diary, it really looks like I have no time to waste now because if they do retire, it will be end of this year. I am praying hard always and hope for a better tomorrow. Until the next time, you take care Diary. Love you.

Solitude Brings Me To Myself

Dear Diary,

How have you been? It seems that I have not written for a long time. I have been busy. I was in Tangkak last Friday until Sunday. We left Singapore early in the morning on Friday. I drove straight to Subang, took some of my clothes and drove back to Tangkak. That was like six hours of driving. I felt so tired but I had to drive because I was the only one with the license to drive. If only mum had got her license, I was sure going to let her drive. The house in Subang looked as usual, untouched and undisturbed. A house with no occupants. It didn't seem as if Paranoid had come back. I figured she is busy with work at her hometown. Have I told you that she has gone back there to work temporarily and she is going to end her tenancy? April will be her final month and by May, I will have the house all to myself.

Paranoid text me yesterday and still asked me the same questions she asked a month ago. She asked if she could crash at the house if she has to come for an interview. I told her to look for other alternatives. I had to be straightforward with her. I do not want to beat around the bush. It is difficult since I will not be around most of the times and how can I allow her to keep the keys when her tenancy has ended? I trust her but I cannot let her have her cake and eat it. Frankly speaking, I have gotten tired of being considerate. I have had enough Diary. Right from living with Infinity until to living with Paranoid, I believe I have been more than considerate. I get so angry everytime I speak about this. All they want is to enjoy the convenience without taking my feelings into considerations. It is sad to even think about it.

Diary, I have submitted my photos for the name cards, badge and insurance. I have made a few calls and I have got five ready buyers for HDB flats. All I got to do now is to match them with houses that fit their preferences. And again I would like to remind myself that it is not that easy. Calling the leads my Manager gave me was already tough. Some of them became suspicious on where we got their number and they interrogate you like as though you are a criminal. I didn't fumble neither did I stammer. I just told them all I wanted to know is, if they are still looking for a house to buy because I would be more than happy to look for them. Oh Diary, one thing I never stopped doing is to pray to God for a prosperous and lucrative rewards for the effort I have put in. I hope He hears my prayers.

I have made progress Diary, I sense it and somehow I am happy with how I have performed. I am not fast neither am I slow but I know my situation is not stationary. I have almost zero social life nowadays. I do not hang out with my friends and I hardly chat. My life revolves around my family, myself and my writings to you and Flying Babe. I am not very active in Facebook anymore. I communicate less with my friends now. I am not sure what I am feeling these days. I am not neglecting or ignoring them but I suppose I am just diverting my focus to getting my life back on track again. I cannot deny how much I have missed my life back then when I was in Subang. I had someone I could lean on and I had something I could call love. Things are different now Diary. Sometimes, all I wanna do is cry but I have cried enough and like Fergie says, big girls don't cry. Well, what can I say. I suppose I am still overcoming the transition period.

I don't know what is in store for me in the future. I know where and what I want to be but I am not sure if I can get there and be that. It is not about accomplishing my goals but it is more to what and who I really am. I feel so broken sometimes. I shed a tear or two just thinking about it. I am sorrowful at times but I know it is not easy for me to change when only a woman can make me feel love on earth. I am feeling a little emotional. I don't know why. Perhaps someday somehow I will feel the woman I have always love in my arms again or perhaps I will eventually learn to let her go. Even if it means seeing and knowing she is with someone else, even if that will do nothing but break me into million pieces of jigsaw puzzles that is just so impossible to fix. I know when I finally let her totally go I will be by myself and Only in quiet waters do thing mirror themselves undistorted and only in a quiet mind is adequate perception of the world. Being in solitude...