Lift My Spirit Up...

Dear Diary,

You wouldn’t believe what I did when I was in Subang Jaya. After I came back from Tangkak, I spent some time in the house chatting with Gummy Bear. We chatted about life and stuffs until we got to the time when she had to leave. After she left, I waited for Manhattan to come by to take back her TV rack. I have used it for all the time I was in Malaysia and I supposed it was time to return it back to the rightful owner. When she had taken her TV rack, I was all alone in that house with less furniture than before and somehow it made me feel a little weird, lonely and sad.

I started to scroll the list of friends I have in store my mobile. You know it is a new phone isn‘t Diary? I did not store many numbers in it, just the important ones. As I was scrolling down, I saw Flying Babe’s number and I paused. I had already made an appointment with another friend of mine but I thought I would just take the risk and ask her out anyway.

She did not reply until I was at a mamak with my friends and I tell you Diary, the minute she replied, my mind wandered to a place I have never been before. I was not paying attention to my friends. They seemed to talk to me but I cannot grasp what they were saying. I felt like I was in a wonderland. Can you imagine the feelings I felt? It took me two and a half years to ask her out after we broke up. I dared to write her letters but I never dared to ask her out until that moment. Oh Diary, it was spontaneous, I have to admit and I don’t know when I will find the courage again to ask her out.

We did not meet because she was already outside running errands and I can understand that because it was really unplanned you know. I was really ready to excuse myself from my friends if she had said ‘yes’. I was somewhat disappointed but I kept my cool and tried not to show it in my reply to her text. She apologized. She told me it was so sudden of me to ask her out. She said she really wanted to see me but she was already in the middle of her plans.

I came home feeling very tired. I did not feel sad instead I felt satisfied. I finally had the guts to ask her out. Kudos to me! I tried watching TV but my eyes gave up on me and I went to bed without any pillows, blanket or fan to keep me cool. All that is left in the house was the most fundamental furniture that fit human habitation. It was strange how I did not sweat at all while sleeping that night. It was also strange that I had a sound sleep that night. The loneliness and sadness did not get the better of me.

When I was on the bus to Singapore the next day, I received a text message from Flying Babe. In her message, she asked where was I. I just crossed the border that separates Singapore from Malaysia when I got her message and I let out a small sigh. If I had stayed for another day, I could have met her. How I wanted so much to look her in the eyes and talk to her. How I longed to sit beside her and smell the scent of her hair, to just be close to her just laying my eyes at her sweet face. I could have achieved my deepest wishes and brought home with me a new spirit. At least that would motivate me somehow but I guess knowing that she hopes to meet me too is enough to boost my spirit and rekindle my inner-self. Feelings are much like waves, we can't stop them from coming but we can choose which one to surf.