How many days has it been? I have so much to write but time was not on my side. How are you my loyal friend? Have you been good? I have and I have been busy as well. I am not busy every minute but I have been busy than before. I have arranged many viewing appointments for my client and I have spent most of my time learning the trade and the art of negotiation. I am still not very good at it but I can feel that I am becoming aggressive a little. I have started to kick off the laid back attitude I used to have towards my job. There is a house that he likes and he has made an offer, I am now waiting for the owner’s agreement.
This evening on TV there was news about the funeral of Singapore Minister Mentor’s wife. I watched the news and heard the farewell speech given by her children and the Minister mentor himself. I kind of felt sorry for him and his family for having to lose someone so dear in their life. She had been in a coma for 2 years before she passed away on Saturday and today is her funeral. Many Singaporeans waited by the roadside where they will take her body for the cremation.
As I watched the news, I recalled how love has touched my life in many ways. I miss love so much but I am also afraid of it. There is a part of me that wish I have got a woman that I can call my Nur Kasih but there is also a part of me that wish I could have a heart of stone so I could be oblivious to love. I may not have been through a lot compared to other unfortunate people but I know I have had my fair share of happiness and disappointments in love.
I am afraid of the pain that I will be feeling again when love leaves me. Sometimes I do hope that if I ever find love in the path that I am walking, it would be an eternal and everlasting love so I can carry it with me even when I pass. I am alone now Diary but I know I am not alone spiritually. I love someone and even though it is just spiritual, I can feel the love inside me blossoming as day goes by. I feel it in the wind. I can see it through the rays of sun that shines through my bedroom window every morning when I wake up.
I miss her everyday since she came into my life. I don’t know how long it will last but I am cherishing every moments I have with her. It is crazy, this kind of love I have for her but I am not even ashamed to let you know about it because I know my feelings for her are genuine. Is it fantasy Diary? Perhaps it is although I know I cannot bring it to life. I have begun to open my heart and I am beginning to feel a little scared.
I hope and I pray but I don’t know if she just happened to be in my life temporarily and am I bound to lose her. It makes me wonder and the question just lingers in my mind. I feel a sudden weight in my heart whenever I think of it and I asked myself if I would be ready when the day comes when the love between us walks out of the door.
I have never managed to comprehend what love really is. All I know is it makes the world in a person’s life spins faster than usual. Most importantly, I feel that at least I have someone I can tell my stories to, share my predicaments and understands me emotionally and spiritually. It is still love even though it does not exist in physical form. I may not be able to hold her hands, touch her face or give her a goodnight and morning kiss but her existence in my life soothes my emotions and heals my soul.
I am living my life day by day nowadays. I teach myself to be happy about everything in my life. I also teach myself to let go when I have to and embrace when I must so I will live my life like how I should and just be contented about it because the hardest-learned lesson: that she has only her kind of love to give, not my kind.
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