Love Does Not Only Denote Sacrifices

Dear Diary,

I woke up at 6 in the morning today and I sent my mum to work. Eversince I came back, it has been my duty to send mum to work whenever she is in the morning shift. I do it willingly and I have never complained. Looking back, having to wake up in that hour in the morning is nothing compared to all the sacrifices she has made for me all my live. Nothing I do can ever repay what she has done for me and the family. Yes, I may nickname her ‘The Dragon’ and I may have been unhappy with the way she handles things but she is afterall my mum. She is the woman who carried me for nine months and nine days in her womb, who never once complained. I love my mother you know and I guess she will always be the woman I will always love besides the other women I have been involved in my life.

Reminiscing at all the other women, I never really can tell if I have ever loved them with all my heart. It was so easy for me you know. Just about yesterday, I chatted with an old friend. Reading between the lines, I can tell that she has always thought that I am some kind of a playgirl or something. And another old friend also passed me comment like that. I cannot help myself but to wonder how true it is.

I got a bit offended at times with all those comments. Sometimes I wish I could just take a hammer and smashed their heads so hard that they die instantly. I have never thought myself like that. All I did was to meet many wrong people before I met the right one. This is love we are talking about. How am I supposed to know that the love I thought in the air is the right one for me? Perhaps I can feel love but I cannot recognize the right love for me. Maybe I made girls become my girlfriends too easily and leave them too quickly. You tell me Diary. I know I still have left a few soft spot for a few of them but I cannot deny how I am and what I am like when it comes to love.

I have left everyone of them behind me now. There is not a single one left anymore. The only woman left in my life is my mother and I know my love for her is an everlasting one. I spent this afternoon with her running errands for the family. What we did this afternoon totally woke me up at how much sacrifices a mother would do to save her family. She stretched her means to the extent that I feel so ashamed of myself. If I ever have a family of my own one day, I shall do the same for them. And if I ever find love in a woman, I would like to feel that way first before I want to make her mine. I supposed love always come with sacrifices.

It is said that if you can live without someone then she is not the right person but if you cannot live without someone, then she is the right person. It is still subjective however. When I broke up with Infinity, yes I felt like a lost puppy and I did not know how to live my life. My life was haywire and I was a total mess. Yeah, perhaps she was the right one for me because at that time, I felt I couldn't live without her. Well, logically speaking, who wouldn't think of that after living together for more than 2 years? It was always tough at the beginning but everybody will get through it someday. It is just a matter of time.

I believe getting over someone is easier than forgetting someone. It always takes a lifetime to forget the people we have adored whom we met in our life journeys. People come and go for reasons and there are explanations why we cannot have the woman we have thought is the one. I have not learnt my lesson but I have learnt that I simply cannot recognize the right love for me. Love is a gamble and it does not matter whether we lose or win because love is here on earth to teach us about accepting a person’s characteristics sincerely. As much as we love the strengths of the person we love, we must also love their weaknesses as well. I have realized that I still have not been able to do that after all these years. That reason probably contributes to the number of girlfriends I have had. Love does not mean sacrifices alone, but love also means embracing the person we love as a whole.

I have yet to learn about it and I have promised myself that until I learnt to embrace a person I love as a whole, only then I can be truly in love.

Good night Diary. Good night my love.