The Human Chemical Reactions

Dear Diary,

I was toying with the idea of quitting from property when I received a text message from Flying Babe. I was feeling rather down and spiritually weak. I was texting Olive asking about her progress in the industry and she was also toying with the idea of quitting. Olive is my colleague and we were in the same batch for the CEA class. We passed on the first attempt and graduated together. The only difference among us is I am faster to close my first transaction than she. In fact, she has not closed any transaction yet. She does property part time and perhaps that explains why.

So there I was in the midst of texting Olive feeling a little divided, low and discourage and there she was popping up just like as though she can read my mind. Coincidentally, the text she sent me contained encouraging message not to give up on what I am doing. It is somewhat accurate the situation I am in to receive such message from Flying Babe. As usual I did not reply. I did not know what to say to her. It has been a long time and I guess it has become pretty awkward.

I do think of her sometimes and everytime I recall the time I had spent with her, I felt my heart sinks a little. I spent my time doing my own things nowadays. I have never bothered to know what my heart feels most of the times. If I do feel something in my heart, I will try to ignore it. I have adopted the ‘couldn’t care less’ attitude because if I were to care, it would be very sad. The very person I am in love with is actually hurting my heart. At times I feel that I am being punished for the things that I do not even know what I did. It is confusing and mind boggling.

I am teaching myself to be happy with what I have now Diary. I have not grown out of sadness entirely because everytime I almost grown out of it, someone will always come into my life and I allow her to mess it up for me. I supposed I have to grow a heart of rock or wood someday to replace it with my heart in my chest. I still feel tears streaming down my face occasionally. I wiped the tears away pretending that everything is ok. I supposed humans being pretentious cannot be ignored. Just about tonight in my Facebbok newsfeed, I read someone’s status in Facebook that says,

“You deleted me off your friends’ list….like I care?”

When I read that status message, I was thinking to myself, how would you not care when you know about it and posted status message as such? There must have been some kind of attraction about what happened that you knew a friend of yours has deleted you off. In addition, there must have been some kind of affections it has on you that you have to react by posting comment like that. Do you get what I mean Diary? It happened to me before and I reacted exactly the same way like that only longer because I took it out in my blog. *chuckles* I am the one with the fingers to type remember? *winks*

Well, we are like substances that give reaction when mixed together with other substances. The only difference is the level of reactions we give; mildly or vigorously. My reaction to Flying Babe heartbreaking message a few months ago is mild but probably long lasting. I did not retaliate neither did I accept. I am quiet now which is as good as dumb with her. And I will probably be the same to any other persons who has left such a tremendous effect on me today or tomorrow. For the reason that it is very sad when the very person you believe, anticipate and love left you with a broken heart that is almost beyond repair. Sometimes, love is just not enough.