Leaving But Not My Memories Behind

Dear Diary,

I woke up to the sound of my alarm at 7 in the morning and I went back to sleep after that. 1 hour later I got out of bed and took my shower. I always shower first everytime I got out of bed nowadays. I have been trying to figure out why but I haven’t got the answer. I have brought out the few boxes in my room today and the room looks big without the boxes. The new owner will take over this room next week and fill it up with their furniture. It is in the agreement that they are to use the room for the storage of their stuffs and we are to live in this house with a month extension after completion of transaction.

I don’t even know where I am supposed to sleep next week. I will have to clear all my belongings from this room and leave it empty for them to put their stuffs. I honestly feel like I am living a life like a vagabond in my own house. It is strange why I am always the one to give in. The most ideal one to give in is me of course since my room has been turned into a store. But then again, I still remember when I was little whenever we have guest in the house I was always the one who has to give up my room and each one of us has our own room mind you. My brothers never had to give up their rooms, never had to help with the cooking or cleaning. It is always I. I am not sure if it has taken a toll on me but I am starting to get annoyed a little.

How are you Diary? Have you been missing me? I have missed you every minute of my life and I wish I could simply ring you up to tell you so. I have been sending out my resume actively and I still am. There has not been any call yet but I supposed it is natural because all the openings that I sent to, they have not been closed yet. Anyhow I cannot stop from letting myself wonder if there is something wrong or something missing in my resume. I attached my latest picture of my name cards and yes, I do look a bit old in the picture. I would say that I look unattractive. *Chuckles* I gave Flying Babe my name cards in one of the letters and she told me that I look very professional in it but I really do not think so. Perhaps it is the expected salary that is scaring the employers away, do you think so Diary? Oh geez! Never mind, I will get over it soon.

I might be driving to Tangkak tonight and I will spend about 3 days there. There are more works to be done in Singapore than in Tangkak but it has been awhile since we last went there. I really thought that I could just stay in Singapore to finish whatever needs to be cleared in my room. I haven’t really finished everything yet. I am out of garbage bags and boxes. Oh Diary I really am tired with all the packings. I feel that I have spent so much of my time packing and unpacking. From the day I left Inifinity I packed my stuffs to move to my new place and 1 and half years later I packed again to move out of Subang back into Singapore and now I am packing again to move into a new home.

I have done so much packing and cleaning that I don’t even know what else to do. *chuckles* I probably should send my resume to some mover company or something. *LOL* I will get hired immediately most likely. Moving out from this house, it gets me thinking about my late brother and how he had died in this house. We are finally leaving his traces in this house and there will be no memories of him in the new house.

I supposed we all have to move on from our histories and past. We cannot live clinging on to things that have become memories waiting to be reminisced. Memory is a way of holding onto the things we love, the things we are, the things we never want to lose. I know I never wanted to lose my brother but I lost him in this very house. And now we are moving out of this house and I know I shall never be able to picture how it was like the day he passed away. But one need not be a chamber to be haunted; one need not be a house to remember because the brain has corridors surpassing material place. Leftovers in their less visible form are called memories and are stored in the refrigerator of the mind and the cupboard of the heart.