Dear Diary,
I have quit from my job that I thought I could make a career out of it. *Grins* I supposed I have lost my steam in everything that I do. I am as good as dead. Really. I do not know what I want to do in my life actually. I got an idea of what I want to do and to achieve but most things did not turn out the way I expected them to. It was my entire fault. I have no one else to blame but myself. I lose focus easily. I got sidetracked and deviated from the original plan without having a contingency plan. It has happened right from the beginning after my high school.
I do not really know how many times I have failed my parents. Every time I am halfway up, I am always halfway down. My road to success apparently is also my road to failure. I supposed I am not very good at achieving long-term goals because I have never been successful at it. However, I have always achieved short-term goals like reaching the summit whenever I set out to climb mountains or saving a certain amount of money by the deadline I set. That is what I am good at. I have realized that I am a late bloomer and an under achiever for long-term goals.
I might have to stop making long-term goals because if I know I am never going to accomplish them, I might as well stop making them. I am not being de-motivated I am simply being practical. I told my parents the truth and I can see the disappointment in their faces especially mum’s. She understood why I had to quit and I knew she stood by my decision. Well, what is a mother for anyway? I am not quite sure if my level of commitment to my parents would be the same like how theirs to me. Strange, how I can even say it. I ought to be ashamed of myself.
Perhaps I am so stress up. I am out of job. I am two years away from not becoming a youth and still do not have a career, money and basic accomplishments. I think half my life is spent trying to find something to do with the time I have rushed through life trying to save. Well, I say what the heck. Some people are at their forties and still do not know what to do or spend their time regretting for not doing what they wanted to do. As for me, I believe I am just being myself, the dreamer. *chuckles*
I am spending my time at home a lot lately. I clean the house and I organized it. You know we have just moved in to this house don’t you Diary? I have my own room now and I am so happy that I finally got my privacy back. I really miss privacy when I just came back to Singapore. Privacy did not exist in my life for the past seven months. My room is neat and I decorate it like how I did in my room in Subang Jaya. Gosh, I miss that house of mine. I even miss the bathroom. I remember my money plant I had in my room. Rolly Polly kept it with her and I wonder how the plant is doing.
My room is blue Diary. My mattress is queen and my wardrobe is high almost reaching the ceiling. It has four doors and I keep almost everything in there. I like everything about my room because this time I took control of what kind of furniture to buy which suits my taste. My bed frame is the wooden platform my brother used to have. It is nice and I brought back all the bed sheets I used to use in Subang Jaya. At least that saves me some money. I am proud to say that the furnitures in my room are largely recycled. Well, I did not want to spend unnecessarily Diary. However, honestly, I like my room and I am sure you will like it too if you are here.
I have everything that I need in my room. Bookshelves, television, DVD player, my workstation, my bed, my wardrobe, my notice board and not forgetting my space. Oh Diary, I am thankful that the miseries we had to go through are over. All the troubles we had to go through to get this house. It has been a great ordeal for my family. A long frustrating wait of seven months and it brought joy to our lives. I supposed good things always come to people who wait patiently. Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish.
Oh Diary, I have to go now. Love you so much.
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