It Is Friday and I Am Gone...

Dear Diary,

Every night before I went go to sleep I always told myself that I would wake up at seven in the morning and go for a jog. I never did and it has been a week since I said that. Whatever happened to my self-discipline? This is the thing about having plenty of time to do something. You tend to be very laid back and always put off things that you are supposed to do.

I intended to do my passport since Monday but I only did it yesterday. You get what I mean now. This is also the thing that I am worried about if I were to change agency because I know what I must do to succeed but the question is will I have the determination. Yes, I have dreams and visions but I am not sure if I can last. The thing about me is, I always like business and making big money but I like it to be physical. You know what I mean. Like very physical as if I have a shop or a restaurant or something. I like to be in a business where I have to do things physically and move about. I do not like to be desk bound.

I really don’t know now. I know my strengths and weaknesses but to get out of this comfort zone seems like taking me forever. I have a plan now. I am just waiting for the right time to execute it. I have been giving myself prep talk about things and I think it has just sink in. I am talking some sense into my stubborn brain.

I have just packed my bag for the trip and I am going to take my shower in a minute. Hello Kitty will be here to fetch me and the road trip will begin after that. I am going to drive perhaps. She is going to let me drive. I love driving. Give me a pack of cigarette and with the radio on, I can drive all day long. Talking about driving, how I miss my car. Told you I am getting it back this July. My baby, that’s what I call her. I used to call her Hanni but I am not sure if I will anymore. Hanni reminds me so much of Flying Babe but she is gone for good now. I guess she somewhat knows who I am with nowadays. Words and news travel like wildfire in my society even when we are separate by two continents.

Everybody in my society link to each other like the cobwebs especially so if they used to be a regular chatter in Internet Relay Chat. Well, I don’t write to her anymore and neither does she text me. The last time I received her text was when how she told me she appreciates what we had before even if it was a short while. I need to die Diary. I need to die in all my previous lives so I can really start afresh. I have died in most of my previous lives but yes, the memories still linger a bit but I am not flinching. I am still standing tall here on the ground where I stood.

I received an email from Infinity a few days ago. I read it but I did not reply. I did not know what to say. I thought I wanted to wait for awhile before replying but the next day, she emailed me again and accusing me of being very bitter about the whole break up thing and thus did not reply my email. She said it has been almost three years and yet I am still being resentful about it. So there goes, blowing her chance of getting her email replied. Fuck her Diary. I do not give a damn anymore. Well, that is her anyway. Always jumping to wild conclusion about how I am.

Tell me honestly Diary, do you expect to get your email replied just after a day of sending it? Is it plain stupidity with her or her brain just went bonkers? Screw her.

Hey Diary, I found this song. It is a true song of a man’s love towards his fiancée. Amazing love story I have ever heard of. They never get married but he is still with her. Hear the song, feel it ok.

I have to go. I need to shower. Bye now Diary. Love you so much.