When Reality Sinks In...

Dear Diary,

I spent my time today with mum at the market. She bought groceries and I was basically there accompanying her to carry them. My thoughts were at home thinking about all the companies that I have shortlisted to send my resumes. Mum took awhile to decide what to buy and I was fidgeting eager to go home to finish all the outstanding work I have to do at home.

Just as we were about to go, Hippo text me and told me she was at KTP hospital waiting for a minor operation. The bed was not ready and she had to wait for the hospital to give her a call to come back when they have a bed ready for her. I invited her to my house and she came, alone. Right there and then, I have thought of how it is going to be like when I grow old and weak. Hippo was by herself as her husband was working. It was merely a natural visit to the clinic but that visit brought her to the hospital. The operation was kind of an impromptu decision by the doctor at the hospital so there was no preparation made on her side.

As I was talking to her, my mind was filled with endless questions of what if it were me and who do I have to accompany me to the hospital or to pay me visits? Hippo has a big family of eight and it is growing. I cannot keep up with her and if I do not do something about it, I will really be alone in this world. Am I scared? I do not know Diary but it surely gives me some kind of concern of how I am going to be. It is not the loneliness because I have gotten used to it already but it is being alone in times like that when you really need to have someone beside you.

I have never tried to change myself from what I really am. The call to change has not reached me yet perhaps but it is somewhat scary to think about it. When my parents are gone, it will be just my brother and I. Perhaps I must start stepping up so I can carry on with my plans to adopt soon. Hello Kitty would make a good mother. She probably is the disciplinarian among the two of us. I do not know what role suits me best but I think I will simply be the mum to the kids.

Well Diary, I must make more quality friends I guess. Friends who will look me up regardless of what the reason is. I must stop having friends who only look me up when they are down or when they need a favour. In my kind of lifestyle, I supposed close friends like me will make good families because we are the same; no off springs but with plenty of love to share. As we grow older, I supposed we only have each other.

Possibly, I will have Hello Kitty by my side but nobody will know, not even myself. Nevertheless, for now I know I have her in my mind and heart because that is the reality and not some fantasy that cannot exist. What we call reality is an agreement that people have arrived at to make life more livable.