Saving My Heart

Dear Diary,

I miss working at my previous company and I do miss the salary. The fast paced environment made me feel focus on my job. I did not have to care about my social life. I do not have any anyway. I am all alone, remember? My family is my only company. My two cats are my best friends. I think I will grow old alone and I probably will die alone in my house and only upon discovery of a foul smell, did the authorities realised that there is a dead body in the apartment. 

Well, we all have to die someday. With love or without love, we still die. We have no choice. It is not an option for us. I could have died a lonely woman or I could have died in the arms of my long time girlfriend who decided to put up with my bad tempered and sensitive nature; if I manage to find one. I doubt so. I am getting older and I have lost all my charm. Gone are the days when it was easy to find a girlfriend. 

As I grow older, I began to realised that it is not all about lust anymore. It is about putting up with each other’s nonsense. You have to tolerate each other’s weaknesses and embrace each other’s strengths. It is about you completing each other's lives. Love is a simple thing if the feelings are mutual otherwise it can be bitter and poisonous. What happens when you get hurt? You would pierce a knife into your heart so it would stop beating. You would choke yourself to death with tears streaming down your face. This is too much for me Diary. My sensitive nature is too fragile for I can only weep in silence while I bury my face in my palms. I will not let my heart ache again because I still need it to go on. I must be numb.